Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

It seems like we have gone full circle, today hearing Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch…is not so uncommon. Between the on-line Jewish Dating Sites, and an actual matchmaker working for you, this has become the way of the 90′s and now ’10′s

I decided to see how popular this word has become on-line and just bringing up the word – you get on-line matchmaker services, a list of professional matchmaker’s and there now is even a course to become a Professional Matchmaker – Certificate upon completion

So why today is this process not just for the religious communities anymore? Is it because Jewish Dating has become so difficult? Or that we spend so much time working, playing and being involved in so many different activities that we can’t meet anyone   

Having a matchmaker is very common today. Is this concept considered “buying love” – or paying for a service? It is just one more outlet out there for dating today, and the Jewish Matchmaker has become the way of the present as well. 

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With JEWISH DATING, what is very important at any age is to Network. At any age, Jewish Dating is not just saying you are ready, it is the start to informing everyone you are ready.

You have to get out there, speak to people, and use every possible means to finding yourself a partner. I know this is easy to say, but how do you go about this?

First lets look at some of the conventional ways, in Networking in Jewish Dating . If you are religious you may choose to use a Shaddchan, (Matchmaker). For this it is best to speak to people in your community, or your local Rabbi to find out who is the best Shadchan for your age and religious level. But wait, more and more people are using Shadchan’s and today you do not have to be “frum” to use  one. There are services, and the internet to help you find them. There are even on-line sites’ such as Sawyouatsinai and Jretromatch that take the idea of you having a Shadchan ( Matchmaker) and they work with you, to finding you matches.

Jewish Singles’ event’s. This has been a typical way to meet and mingle. Every local community run’s event’s and it just requires you to ask around, look in the local Jewish Paper’s, and internet search,  to find some. From Speed-dating, to Dinner’s Party’s and now wonderful Single’s Vacation’s.

Jewish Adventure Clubs. If you are Athletic there are many out there from Skiing Clubs, to Hiking.

Then you have the real NETWORK - friends, family, neighbor’s, and co-workers. Speak to people, ask around you can’t be shy. Inform people you are wanting to meet, and tell them the type of person you are looking for. Ask them to speak to others and “put your name out” Start going out more, get yourself known in your community. If people don’t know who you are it makes it very difficult.

Just remember – you can’t just sit around and expect something to happen – today you have to be a little more pro-active, so just get out there and help make it happen.

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It is  January , 2010. Wow a New Year and decade. What will happen to many of you this year, and in the next 10.

Will you look back and say,”only if:, or : “what could I have done differently”

Or will you look back and be happy where you are in your life – in a relationship, or planning your wedding, or children?

Take the steps to make that happen. Don’t say you want it but then don’t do anything about it. Or find yourself with potential matches and you don’t even really make the effort to move things forward. Take the next few week, or days, to look at yourself and really ask are you doing what you can to meet someone. But even more so, once you are – are you putting everything you can to make it work? A relationship is hard work – if you ask people it is probably more challenging and stressful then that new job, moving, school, what ever you are involved in.  But it is worth it. So go out there the end result can find you a spouse.

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This will be my last post for 2009 so here goes…

For 2010 – what can you change to improve the way you may be looking for a potential partner?

Are you being too “picky”? Are you not getting out there enough? Are you spending to much time at the office, that you just don’t know where to go to meet someone?

Well if you answered YES to anyone of there, how about trying one of the many On-line Dating Sites. I am partial ( well considering that is where I spend most of my days, trying to make matches for many of you – or hope to be) for Sawyouatsinai – if you are a religious, or a little more Observant, and Jretromatch for the non-religious. Sign up – the cost is minimal when you consider you are looking for your spouse.

Go in with a great attitute, if you don’t meet your furture spouse, you may meet some wonderful people – have some fun going out on dates, or speaking with people, but the main thing – you are doing what you can.

 With just under a 1000 members being succesfully matched, and today are either happily married, some even with children, and other’s planning there day. To the 100′s that are currently dating – you too can be included in these numbers.

Just don’t sit around and wait, as waiting will not help you – being proactive will…

 Lets have a great 2010 – and hope you will be one of the many that will be succesfully matched and that your name will be there with all the other’s

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You are trying to figure out what to do on the date>

Make it somewhere that the two of you can feel comfortable, you may want to discuss it together to see if there is a place that you both would enjoy. Don’t set up an extravagant first date this is a time to figure out if there is enough similar interests that you would want to go out again.

One of my best first dates, a bike ride on the Boardwalk – then a picnic dinner by the water ( I lived in Toronto so this was at the harbour)/ It showed me a lot about the person, as he packed up a great meal – nothing fancy – but had everything planned out. The cost minimal and it has left an impact on me for over 18 years. ( No we did not get married, but the date was wonderful)

Some like going to a movie and dinner – you can then speak about the movie and find out some other things as well. Don’t plan a long date, if things don’t work out it may be difficult to spend time together. “Coffee” dates are always good if it is uncomfortable you can always end it, and if not spend many hours talking.

My first date with my husband – he showed up in sweat pants saying he had to leave to go play hockey, 1/2 after the time he was “supposed” to be gone I asked him, he did have a game, but I think to this day it was a great excuse to show up in sweats. he never made the game, and we talked most of the night. That night I had a feeling he would be the guy I married – he said it took the 2nd date for him to realize it.

So what ever your plans, just have fun, and try to enjoy the experience.

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We have spoken about this before. When choosing a person who you would be interested in does she/he really exist.  So make sure when you are looking for someone that they are out there. If you spend too much time looking for a person that doesn’t exist you can be wasting valuable time and effort in the dating world.

 Don’t set such high standards, be realistic about the age difference, the physical aspects, tall – dark – beautiful/handsome – is great but you also have to be open of who you are. Education – as many woman go for the higher degree’s just because the man doesn’t have the “Ivy” League education – doesn’t mean that they are not intelligent.

The higher the expectation the longer it may take – and you may miss out on meeting your perfect match – because you where waiting for the “Ideal” one.

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How a person carries and presents themselves in public can be a way to meet someone. If you are confident in your self this will come out when you are in public, and this can attract people towards you. These few steps can help you finding a partner.

1. Think about who you are – and try to find inner happiness. Get to know who you are and go out there and do the thing you enjoy to doing. Don’t wait around for others try to be more confident in you.

2. If you are unsure about something – don’t hide away from it – take a deep breath and push yourself to go out there

3. Don’t rely on other’s to make you happy – if you want to do something go for it. If you wait around and just put yourself behind your desk or at home on your couch this won’t give you the opportunity to meet people.

4. Try to be with people that make you feel good about yourself and what you do, be positive this will come across when you meet people.

5. Go out and enjoy the things you like to do – this will also put you with others who enjoy the same things and will give you the opportunity to meet people with similar interests.

Most important though, is really find out who “you” are, and if you don’t like what you see in the mirror then maybe it is time to make a few changes. Think positive – but also be happy with who you are and where you are in your life. Don’t have unrealistic expectations,

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I am having some difficulty  – you have a mutually approved match, wonderful but then you don’t follow-up on it. What is with this, you make the efforts to review the profile, decide to accept – the other person the same, and what happens…you don’t call or email them.

Or even better, you close up the match without even speaking with them as you decide you don’t really have the time to get together. Come on here, you don’t have time…this is your future we are talking about…make the time. Could this be the reason you are still single? I know everyone has a busy schedule – but come on..decide what you want, the longer you make excuses – the harder it will, as you will just get older.

Or it is time to really think things through and decide if a relationship is what you really want.

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I think we sometimes need a reality check in dating. 

Men – lets see, you are in your  50′s and decide it is time to get married – that is great, but you have to realize if you still want to have children – most woman will not date over 10 years older. It will be difficult to find you someone in there 30′s. Make a decision, is it the companionship – or the children that you really want? It may be better to meet someone with children, and you can still be a big part of there life, then to wait around till you MAY find someone who is open to meet you – who can still have children.

Remember – if children are really what you want – then there are alternatives out there today.

Woman – (I don’t want the men to say that I am always picking on them) – you are highly educated, and may have certain expectations, well there are many men who may not have the higher education who are well established, financially secure and very intellectual. Give them a chance.

If you are getting older – and either never been married, divorced or widowed, what we HOPED for may not be, you don’t have to lower your expectations, but just be more open in the criteria. Does it hurt to just meet each other over a cup of coffee?????

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Summer time has come – and we all think of ways to get out and enjoy ourselves. How about getting out there with the many single’s groups that are organizing activities this summer. Have a look and you will be surprised, from the great vacations, one day trips, and many Shabbaton’s.

What a better time  – to just go out and have fun, and if you meet someone, then wonderful but if not, at least you can enjoy yourself.

Don’t sit around this summer – go outdoor’s and enjoy and you never know what may happend

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