The Runaway Bride – have you seen the movie? Well how many of you feel this way, you get so close and then just run? Why is this? What are you afraid of, the C word – the M word? Maybe it is time to take a step back and look at your priorities. What are you looking for, and why are you running scared.
Is it that you are not ready for a relationship, or not ready for the the stages that it will lead to? Time to reconsider what you really want, and stop being afraid ,time to take the plunge and the steps to getting there.
If you fall into this category maybe it is time to speak to someone that can help you overcome these fears, either a friend or therapist. Just don’t waist too much more time.
I have heard this story way too many times now. Girl or boy calls match, the person on the phone is aloof and doesn’t sound to interested. They make up excuses that the match is not so great because of A, B or C ( this is even after they accepted the match!!). Without even giving things a shot, they have turned away a potential match. You wonder why so many people get frustrated with dating!?
What is happening here? Why are people throwing away good opportunities? Why is it that these same people then come back and complain that they don’t have any matches? To me it seems like some form of self-sabotage, that they may be afraid to really find their match. If you have been guilty of acting in this way try to really think why you did it. Is it really because you thought he/she wasn’t going to be cute? Try to give each match a fair chance. Be positive and open-minded and dating will be over all a much more positive experience.
Don’t expect to find a relationship where everything will be perfect. You will have to work at it, and you could have many difference’s of opinions. Relationships bring two people together, and it will take work to make this relationship work. Sometimes, there can be some emotionally difficult times. Knowing that beforehand can save you from confusion or disappointment. But don’t think that because there is these differences that it can’t be worked on, if it is the right one, then together you will be able to work out those differences and move on to a very healthy time together.
Words of wisdom from a matchmaker, with an on-line site. It is difficult enough to make a match with information that you write on your profile, and our brief conversations. Please understand that this is a very difficult process, just as you are looking for your ideal partner, we are trying to match you up to that person.
We may not have all the information, and bottom line, only you and that person will know in the end if you are right for each other. It may take many sent out profiles or only one. The same with any other type of dating you are involved with.
But at the same time, some of the excuses we hear for not accepting the matches, are only that excuses. Remember, not everyone is photoghenic, some people are great with writing but when you meet them have nothing to say, while others, can’t really write, and they can keep talking to you in person with ease. Sometimes you just have to go with your “gut” , but just keep in mind, does it hurt to accept the match and at least speak with the person?
Be a little more open to the matches, you never know who you will meet. It may be the person you are set up with, even though you are not right for each other , will know someone that is perfect for you.
You say you want to meet someone. Well take it seriously then. Everyone has a really busy schedule between work, prior committments, maybe family your own or extended. But if you can’t find time to “juggle” all of this, then where will you be, alone. I hear so many people saying, sorry didn’t have a chance to call the person, to busy at work. Make the time
We all learn to multi-task, take time to date and meet someone, and “juggle” one more really important aspect to your life.
None of us are baggage free. Some of us have 12 suitcases full while others have a small ziplock bag. One of the best quotes I read in someone’s profile about this is “I don’t mind if she has baggage but it should be the carry-on kind”. I thought that summed it up very well. No one can escape from their past. Whether it is a nasty childhood or a bad divorce all these experiences shape who we are for the good and for the bad. It is how we deal with them that will make all the difference.
I should know about baggage. Both my husband and I did not have easy childhoods and I was in an abusive relationship for many years. Both these things were affecting my relationships until one day I took things in hand and learned how to turn my check in bag into carry on bag. It is not an overnight process and it still continues to this day but it is 100% necessary in order to have our relationship thrive.
There are many ways to deal with this problem. You can get professional help or you can pick some great books out there that are very helpful. The next time you are in a relationship and you see the same negative patterns reappearing, maybe start thinking of cleaning up some baggage.
Most people will say the number one reason they left a relationship is because the other person did not listen. Your partner wants your full attention when they are talking to you. You cannot be watching the computer screen, listening to the TV in the background or speaking on the phone. Stop and listen when they are talking, or if you are in the middle of something ask them to just wait till you are done. Get each other’s attention before you start to speak, and try to keep it. Commication is important at all stages of the relationship, but if you don’t have it at the beginning, don’t think you will get it when you are married
When I starting dating seriously in my 20′s I had certain expectations of the type of person I would go out with. As I got older, this changed. When I reached my late 30′s and was still single, I looked around and starting questioning if I was to picky.
Well, now I say I just had to wait for the right person. It took me till I was 39 to find him. I always said if I met someone divorced with kids, he had to be in a position to support me, our children, and his from the previous marriage. When I met the person, who is now my husband, divorced, 2 children, he was between jobs and wasn’t really sure the direction he wanted. What changed? Communication, attraction, and a personal tragedy in my life, and he was there for me every step of the way, which changed my life, and his forever.
If this tragedy didn’t occur, I probably wouldn’t have seen some of the qualities that I wanted, I would have looked at the fact that he was not in a position to support a new family and his other one. Don’t wait for the tragedy. Look at the person you are with, and ask yourself will they be there for you no matter what happens in your life. If you answer yes..then maybe stop looking for someone else, maybe you have found the person you need to be with.
I am so shocked at times when people don’t find some of the profiles I send to them as attractive. Some of these men/women I think are objectively speaking good looking people but yet someone out there still thinks they are not. Being on this site for quite sometime now you really get to see how subjective attraction is to each person. One of the best things one of my member once did was to send me a picture of an ex boyfriend of hers who she thought was very attractive. I particularly didn’t think much of him but what that did was give me a great idea of what she found attractive, making matching that much easier. It might be worth it for some of you to send a picture to your matchmaker so they can get the same image in their head as in yours.
I thought I would take some time to share with you some impressions of a first date. We have all had the best and worst case scenarios, so I figure I’d pass some of mine on. Maybe this will also help you with some ideas.
Lets start off with the negative first:
1. Met someone for “coffee”. Normally when you go for coffee the standard question would be, would you like something else? Well he made it very clear that he was serious, a cup of coffee. Then when the bill came, he pulled out his credit card, for $2. When they told him no charge under $5 he went to buy some bread so he can use the card.
Comments: If you go for coffee, that is great, I have had many coffee dates that have worked out well, as a matter of fact my first date with my husband was at a coffee shop. But, don’t pull out the credit card for $2 it is a little embarrassing.
2. Went to a baseball game, this is always nice, watching a game, being outdoors. When he picked me up commented on how tired he was as he spent the day golfing and making business deals the whole day, and added, it was great “billing” his client’s on the golf course $400 hourly. He was a lawyer. Sounds great for him, my date, well he fell asleep from his exhaustion during the game.
Comments: if you have a date with someone, first don’t comment on the amount you are charging your clients, expecially on the golf course, and if you are so tired take a nap before the date.
3. Cars: I don’t think anyone likes to get into a filthy car, suggestion, before going out, if you fall into this category take out the empty food bags, cans, garbage, water bottles…
Comment: I think you get the “picture”
Another car incident..sitting on a towel, as he was afraid I would get his brand new car dirty, get rid of the towels and put on seat covers…
Okay some positive:
1. One of my best first dates. A bicycle ride by the waterfront, including a picnic dinner on the beach. This was probably one of my most memorable dates. Riding on the boardwalk, then sitting on the beach for picnic, of sandwhiches and drinks, no alcoholic. We had a wonderful evening, he just wasn’t ready for a relationship as was just divorced.
Comments: Do something enjoyable, a little romantic, you don’t need to be “wined and dined” to have a great experience, a nice relaxing evening, in a nice location, be creative.
2. Picnic Lunch: This was my third date with my husband. We met at a Conversation Park near my office, he brought the blanket and the food, including chocolate, strawberries, and a flower as not sure what was my favorite ( chocolate of course). We ate lunch, had a great conversation then strolled hand in hand through the Conservation Park. Stopped in an area with a little lake, and he asked me if he could kiss me, yes the first kiss..
Comments: Bringing a little bit of what a girls loves, not knowing exactly which, it was relaxing, romantic, and he asked before the kiss. A simple few things and that’s all most woman really need.
3. Walk through the park and stopping for ice cream afterwards, going to the amusement park, hiking, biking, or just a casual time together in a nice location.
Comments: First dates are a way to get to know each other, it is not time to impress the person, it is time to be yourself, and get to know each other, to see if there is enough attraction and chemistry to go out again. If the first date, you try to impress the person, with the “expensive” things, where do you go when you really do want to make the impression, if and when things work out. Be yourself, you can plan many nights without “breaking the bank. It just means you may have to be a little creative.