This comes from my husband: have a back-up plan if things don’t work out well on your date.
What was my husbands – A Ball Hockey game, came on our first date in sweats and a torn shirt, wasn’t to impressed with the wardrobe, but I married him anyways. No, he didn’t have to use his get away. He mentioned he had to play at 9:30pm, at 10:00 I asked him he he was going to the game, he said NO and we still laugh about it today.
When you meet someone and are interested, the first questions are not usually,
* how old you are
* do you have children
* where do you live
But somehow with on-line dating these are the questions that everyone is focused on. How about trying to overlook this. Maybe the chances of meeting someone will be a little easier if these questions are not the priorities. Does it really matter if the person is younger/older then you were hoping, if they have or don’t have children, and if they live to far and you are compatible, then you can make it work.
Get to know the person first, and then all the other things could probably work out as well. No relationship will be ideal, and to find a person that you connect with is not easy. So forget about all the other “outside” issues and just get to know the person. The bigger issues can then fall into place, and if they can’t be worked out, well, then the relationship just wasn’t meant to be.
This is just a quick tip for those of you current and potential members of Jretromatch.com Take a look at your search criteria and make sure of two things
1.They should accurately reflect what you are looking.
2. They should not be too stringent. It is always best to be a bit more flexible with your choices then strict that way other matchmakers will get your profile when they are looking for their members. Let the matchmaker use her discretion to see if the match is a good one or not. Warning! Don’t leave the choices all open that way too many matches will show up and not allow the matchmaker to find a great match easily.
Okay now, it’s time to get serious. Men, what do you expect? A woman who is divorced with children, where do you think her children will be? If you are willing to date someone divorced with children, that usually means they will be in her home, if not full time then 1/2 time. Woman, the same goes for you.
Most people today do have joint custody, or at least visitation. So if you are ready to meet someone divorced, then there is a good chance there will be children in the picture as well. I see and speak to so many people who are willing to date someone only if the kids don’t live in the home. Reality check, where will they live?
As you get older, the chances of meeting someone divorced will be quite high, and with that could be there children. It is one more obstacle, but stepchildren are worth it, especially when you consider this may be your future partner you may be saying no too.
Let’s get a discussion going. There is so much talk about First Dates’s. Where should you go, what you should do, and trying to be creative.
As a matchmaker, and as a woman, I feel that the man should pay for the first date. If you can’t afford too much, then don’t spend it, first dates don’t have to be going to expensive restaurents or shows. But paying for the first date, shows that this is a date, not a platonic relationship. It show’s a little romance.
Future dates, can be shared, or this can be discussed between you. But guys, take out the wallet on the first date. What do you think? Lets hear from you.
When you are dating the usual story you hear from men/woman to scare them off is.
1. The C and M word
2. My Biological clock is ticking
Why rush these things. Don’t make the person feel that you are desperate, that could just scare them off. I hear so many times, that when do people actually meet someone? It’s when they are so content with themselves. It’s when the other person may not ‘see’ that desperate side.
Relax more, take it easy. Enjoy each other, but most important find out who you are, and enjoy yourself. If you are not happy then this will come through when you are meeting people. If you love to travel, don’t wait go do it. Theatre, concerts, why not even if you go by yourself. Start enjoying the things you like to do. This will help you when dating, how? Because when you like yourself, so will others
It is always difficult to try to come up with a great place or thing to do on a first date. You want to make sure you have the maximum conversation time with the minimum cost. There are a few things to consider:
1. Privacy- You want to make sure you pick a place that has enough privacy so that you both can talk comfortably. Don’t go to the latest hang out where you will be sure to bump into a dozen friends and don’t pick a place that has no where that you can talk quietly.
2. Distractions- You want to pick a place that will have least amount of distractions for you. That means no loud noises, no packed house and no form of entertainment (movie, play etc…). The point of a first date is to get to know someone not watch the latest movie, save that for later.
3. Cost- To avoid the awkwardness of who is going to pay for what, make the first date in a relatively inexpensive location. I personally don’t believe anyone no matter how wealthy they are should have to pay for 100$ for a first date. Save it for when it counts.
4. Location- Try to make it in the most convenient location for the both of you. If you live some distance away from each other meet half way somewhere.
Here are some of my favorite locations for a first date:
1. Park/beach- bring a little bit of food, maybe a bottle of wine and cheese and just enjoy getting to know each other.
2. Cafe- Find a cute little intimate cafe (not the local starbucks) that has some nice little quiet tables in the back.
3. Lounge/bar/restaurant- some of these places have a meeting area that people can talk and have a drink. Make sure it does not have music blasting. Hotel bars are great for this since they usually have loads of private comfortable places to sit.
4. Mini golf/bowling- There is nothing like a good game of mini-golf and bowling to get people to break down the awkwardness between them. No one can help laughing and having fun.
5. Museums- Try to find out which type of museum he/she likes and catch a great exhibit. You can walk and talk at the same time Enjoy!
All of you stop for a moment and think about what I have to say. No multi- tasking for a bit, no speaking on the phone while reading. I want you all to take 5 minutes and try to really think about what is important to you in a match and what are the things that you are looking for in a match. Take out a piece a paper and write them down. Now look at the list, do some of them seem not so important once you read them? Are some them STOPPING you from meeting a great guy or girl?
Let’s try to think about what is important to look for and what should be on that list.
1. Goals – It is important to find someone who has a similar life vision as you do. I don’t mean you have to both want to finish a marathon, but you both should want to take your life in similar directions. If she only wants to travel the world and he only wants to settle down and move to the suburbs chances are things won’t work out at this time.
2. Similar Values- To make a relationship work people need to have similar values. Personally I think the more similar the easier the relationship in the end.
3. Personality- This is a hard one to pinpoint but I think that the more you date the better idea you get for what type of personality meshes best with yours. It can be that up till now you have being going out with mostly extroverted people and that seems to be what you need but maybe someone more introverted would work as well. As I said it is mostly through experience that you will get a feel for what is best for you. You should always be looking for someone who is open to change and a great communicator, two of the most important things needed in a relationship.
4. Attraction- yes attraction is important but try not to make it into a list. You can only really tell if you are attracted to someone after you have met and spent time with them.
As a matchmaker I hear all the time, reasons for declining matches. Some of the reasons are fairly “lame”. Why not give each other a chance, we keep saying don’t just judge the photo’s or profile you have to meet the person to really find out who they are, as long as there are some similiarities then why not just meet the person.
I had someone tell me they declined a match because the person had the same name as there father. They didn’t even read further. When I mentioned that this person was really interested, and to have a look, they agreed to check things out again. They ended up going out a few times, but at least they gave it a chance.
How many times to you hear a story of the way people meet, or that they would have never gone out because they were so different, but someone suggested it so they figured why not?
My husband and I are so different but we gave it a chance, and we are very happily married, our differences work it out.
Don’t say no so quickly. You just never know how or when you will meet your future partner. say YES for a change.
I am sure you have all heard of people who have dated someone a few years back and things didn’t work out only to met again and then get married. What changed? A lot of things could of changed. Both people might have done a lot of introspection since then and matured as a person. Also the more we date, the more we get a clearer picture of what is important to us in our mate. It might be that 5 years earlier you were obsessed with finding someone who was over 6 feet and he was only 5″10 so you broke up with him ( Don’t laugh, I encounter this everyday with declines).
In short, what I am trying to get to is that sometimes, it might be a good idea to take another look at matches that were suggested to you awhile back. It might be at the time that the matchmaker suggested them to you, it was not a good time for you or you were busy with other matches. You can also take a second look at matches that you spoke to but never met for whatever reason. In all cases just ask your matchmaker to re-suggest this person to you so you can see their profile again.