Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

This is a subject that we have discussed before, and it keeps coming up while speaking with everyone.

Men: You want to have children, so you wait around for someone under 40 to meet as we know that over 40 chances are that a woman may not have a healthy child. Problem you are in your late 40′s or 50′s and most woman won’t date over 8-10 years.

Woman: You are in your 40′s and still would like to have children, but the men turn you down as you are a few years to old. Or you don’t accept matches of the men that say they don’t want children

Situation: For everyone, time to make decisions. Do you continue to wait for the person that you can be with, and also try to have a child? As you are waiting, you are also getting older.

Solution: Time to reconsider your options and really think. Is the child worth sacrificing a life of being by yourself for? Is a child worth, not taking a chance with someone who may be perfect in all all ways? You never know how your life will end up. You may finally meet someone who you think that you can have a child with and never be able to, would you give this person up?

Children are important, and yes I do have them. I have the real blended family, 2 adopted and 2 step-children. 10 years ago would I have thought this, never. I always thought I would have a biological child, but circumstances or maybe G-D brought me other children instead. I love them as I would have my own biologically. They are my children.

You never know what is meant to be. Don’t loose out on a great future, just because you think the person, is to old, to young, does/doesn’t want children. What we want in life can change, don’t be so stubborn and open yourself up just a little. You may truly still find happiness, but most important you may find LOVE.

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Most of us can remember the song from
Greece that Danny and Sandy sing about their summer fling. Each person viewed the relationship differently and in the end when the summer was over so was the fling.  Now that summer is almost over and the Jewish holidays are coming very quickly, it is time to buckle down and do some serious soul searching.

Why haven’t you found a great gal or guy? Are you sending the wrong signals? Are you letting people know you are open and interested? Or are your words saying one thing but your body language saying something else? Are you looking for the wrong things? Are you stuck in a pattern of dating the wrong people only to get hurt time and time again?

It is time to step back and revaluate what you are looking for and what steps you are taking to find that perfect match. If you are only online looking for dates or only hoping that friends will suggest someone to you, you might want to think about expanding your search to other venues. Try playing co-ed sports, go to an interesting lecture, put your profile on dating sites like ours or go to singles events. Don’t expect Mr. or Mrs. Right to fall on your doorstep.

Working on yourself and growing is also an important part of finding a life partner. It is better to come into a relationship a stronger person then having to deal with it later. I am a big believer in therapy and I highly suggest getting some help if you find that you are not able to get close to someone or are afraid to commit.  Also as a previously mentioned there is great reading material out there for people looking to improve themselves.

Good luck!

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Okay men, time to get real. Time’s have changed and so has the age for woman to be able to get pregnant. I know that so many of you send me the statistic’s of a woman over 40 and what there chances are for having a child, or one without “problems”.

Modern technology is out there. How many families have been started this way. Or the options, if you really want a child, and together you find yourself not capable, there are plenty of children who need a great home.

You may meet someone who is under 40, and together you may not be able to have a child. or, you can fall in the category of men who are in there late 40′s – 50′s looking for woman under 40 because you want a child, and will continue to wait. Wait and still stay single, because reality is most woman won’t date over the 8 year age difference.

So why not take your chances, open yourself up to woman who yes, still want to have children who are over 40. You may meet, and within the year be having your child together. Or, wait the year and still find yourself single.

Life has risks, so want not take one more in your life. Don’t wait around for someone under 40, because as you are waiting, you to are getting older.

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You meet someone, and the first few weeks/months are exciting, you are constantly trying to do things for each other, impress each other, you are keeping the relationship ALIVE.

But after a while you start feeling that the relationship may not have the same “spark” as it did at the beginning, is it that the relationship isn’t working out? Not all all. But, by this point you are realizing that you are both falling into a routine. Where you may have constantly been together now, you have to go back to reality, work, friends and family.

How are we to keep the relationship alive. Even in marriage, the sparks can go out.

You want to find ways to be spontaneous, plan nights out together. It can be a romantic getaway or just a walk in the park. Give each other a romantic card, and plan a evening around it. Maybe just go for ice cream, or a nice dinner.

The main thing is, try not to get caught up in the daily routine and forget about each other, make time together. This is especially important if there are children involved in the relationship from a previous marriage. You may want to include the children in everything to get to know them and for them to know you. Make sure you have alone time, without them as well.

Remember, the first steps to improving on this, is realizing that you need it, so go out and work to keep your relationsip ALIVE…

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On-line dating has become very popular, even in the Jewish Community. It is very easy to write anything you feel like on your profile, in a way of meeting someone. But my suggestion to you. Honesty.

Don’t misrepresent yourself. You are not doing yourself or the other person who is reading your profile, any favours. If you get responses from your profile you could end up meeting this person, why put them through phone calls, and possibly some dates only to find out things that you have said, or what your interests are, aren’t in fact the truth.

I recently heard that someone said they were growing religiously, willing to take on more, and they had there profile on a more religious site. They corresponded with someone, set her hopes up, and when they finally spoke and she asked him where he stood with religious, he stated he will not be. What happened, he had someone write his profile for him. This really hurt the woman, after setting hopes up for something in one phone call any possibility of something was gone.

Be honest with yourself, what you will and won’t want. If it is within your religious affiliation, or your likes/dislikes. As well, still keep in mind what you may or may not compromise on.

Don’t ruin this experience for someone, in some communities on-line dating is the only way a person can meet another Jew. Be fair and considerate. Hopefully through this process you can meet your future partner

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You have been going out with someone for awhile, and now comes the time to decide if this is worth putting yourself into the exclusive category, or, the possibility of engagment.

Remember a few things, decide if you can accept the few things that may not be perfect, as no one is . Can you accept this person the way they are, because you can not go into making a serious decision thinking you can change them.

Look at this person, for who they are and decide if this is who you can see yourself with through good, bad, tradegies in life, and maybe some rough times ahead, if you can answer yes to this, then maybe you are ready to take the relationship to the next level.

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You must speak to each other., go out and let as they say “nature take it’s course”. Be open and honest with each other throughout these first weeks where you want a relationship to go, and expectations so that you know if you are on the same “page”. But talk things through, and really discuss what you want out of a relationship. After a few dates you should know if it is worth pursuing anything with this person

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All of us can use a little improvement. No one is perfect and we can all grow in some kind of fashion. Thanks to
America’s obsession with psychology there are tons of great self-help books on the bookshelf. I wanted to recommend a few that I know have made a huge impact on people.

1. Men are from mars and Women are from Venus- ok I know you think it might sound cheesy but it is a great book and a must read I think for all Men. Most men are always saying they can’t understand what women are about, read this book and you will start to get it.

2. Seven habits of highly successful people- You want to make a big change in your life read this book and take it in. It really has some very powerful life changing advice in it. Maybe it will even get some of you to call your match within 3 days :)

3. Dance of Anger- A must read for all women out there. This is a life changer and really gives great insights into relationships. Gave me lots of insights into my personal relationships and helped break the bad patterns.

4. Getting the love you want and other great books by Harville Hendrix- Profound relationship advice that will help you a lot in dating.

It is the summer and things are little slower at work. Try to pick up one of the above books and enjoy a great read!

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I know I have said this before about how important your profile is for online dating. What is up with the people who write one liners!!! Seriously how is someone ( matchmaker or potential match) suppose to get any feel for what you are like if all you write is “give me a try”.

To me this says something. I think it means you are not really serious about finding someone. I know you went through the standard questions that turn you into a list but this paragraph is a chance for you to show a glimpse of what you are like. As matchmakers you make our job very difficult when you don’t have much info and it is also a big turn off to potential matches.

This is my beef for today. I really care about finding you matches and it would be great if you all could become our partners it.

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I just learnt the most interesting thing about sarcasm. I never was that comfortable being around very sarcastic people. Something about that type of sense of humor was mean and felt wrong and now I think I know why.  There is a great Psychologist out there called Armand Demille. He has a fantastic radio show weekly about different psychology topics (you should check it out at free to download the shows).  Recently he had a whole show about sarcasm. This is a must listen to for all you sarcastic people out there and those with close ones who are very sarcastic. The reason I am writing about this to get you to think about making improvements in yourself and also to be aware of certain warning signs in a relationship.

Basically sarcasm can be dived up into a few things. It can be used to distance one self from the other person emotionally. Think about it. You tell your significant other a great thing that happened to you and they respond with a sarcastic comment. People who tend to do this are trying to distance themselves from you and are not comfortable being close. This is something to watch for in a relationship.

Sarcasm can also be a way to mask our anger.  Those snotty comments are sometimes a way to let our anger out and then we cover it up by responding with “only joking”. If your match is someone who frequently does this (or you are someone who does) it is something to think about once again.

Just to not insult all you sarcastic people out there, sarcasm is actually related to our intelligence and the more intelligent we are the better our sarcasm is and the more we can understand sarcasm (how about that for a way to judge someone’s level of intelligence.

Now go be sarcastic…only joking :)

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