Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

Dating is difficult, but when you only will go out with your ‘ideal’ match the chances will be slim. As a matchmaker on a on-line site, I am tired if hearing some of the same excuses for not accepting the match.

* she /he seems perfect but physically is not for me. Physically, half the time the pictures on the site don’t do a person justice, or they are glamour shots so they are not the real thing. If everything is perfect then accept the match and meet up and see for yourself if there is a physical attraction.

* Education level. Some one could have a great education, but when you meet them they have nothing to say. Other’s who have no formal education, are bright, articulate, and have incredible “street smarts”. Meet them, speak with them. Many people are very happy and one partner has there Doctorate when the other has a Associate degree. Remember as well, having an education doesn’t always mean a better job. Many people have great jobs and are high earners with a high school degree.

* I don’t like pets and they do. Just because some one like’s a pet, doesn’t mean they will choose the pet over you.

* Age. Age is only a number, many people are in there late 40′s-50′s and are more athletic, outgoing then those in there 20′s. You may also meet a man/woman,  young/older, a few years either way is really no big deal.

This are just a few of my ‘pet peeves’ with excuses, there are still more. But enough for one time

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Here is my beef today. What is with all of you that just call each other back and forth and don’t actually make a time to meet. What do you think you are going to discover in a phone call? Your love of your life? Phone calls can lead to big disappointments when meeting in person. Why? because on the phone we can be whoever we want to be and not always the real me. OK i know you want to check out this person to make sure they are not a freak or something but seriously you WILL NEVER really know if they are a match or not until you actually meet up. As I have said in the past you don’t have to make the first date a huge thing. Just meet up in a park for a stroll or for coffee in a nice empty cafe. Only face to face will you really get to know if he/she is the one.

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With the whole bunch of jewish holidays coming up right around the corner for some of you it might be hard reminder of being single. Most of us imagine the holidays with our families and our significant other and to once again face the reality of being single again at this time, this can be very hard. For those of you who get to together with family and friends, I think the holidays are a great time to network for matches. Speak to your cousin, uncle , aunt etc.. about their co-workers, neighbors or friends that they know who are single. Let them know what you are looking for and what you wont compromise on to avoid those horrible first dates. I think if everyone at the table took a little time to think about it they just might find you a date or two. Good luck and happy networking :)

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Dates, in order to meet someone you will probably have to go out on a date. We all want a relationship but you have to realize you will have to go out on those dreaded dates first to get to this stage.

Dating at first is not fun. Getting to know each other, the first conversations and trying to figure out the best things to say, or not to say. But another way of dating today is on-line. How can we have a few ‘fun’ dates this way.

I just read that a couple, with these days working up towards Rosh Hashanah, scheduled a visit to a Seniors home, each in there own city, spoke to the Seniors and arranged Shofer to be blown. Then after the visit, spoke about the experience to each other on-line. This got me thinking. On-line dating? This is a perfect example of being creative, and doing something together, without really being together. If you are in this situation, maybe try something similar.

Dating doesn’t have to be so bad. What ever your way of dating is, remember it is just the first step to meeting your partner, and if you don’t take those first steps you probably won’t have one.

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How do you know if you are being too picky? Do you hear from friends all the time that you need to relax what you are looking for? How about trying this cute quiz to see if it is really true :)

http://quiz.ivillage.com/love/tests/toopicky.htm

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Last night I was at a wedding. I looked around and noticed the amount of single’s. A thought came to my mind. What a great place to meet other single’s. Simcha’s - Weddings, Bar Mitzvah’s, what could the chances be. You hear about it, well why not for you?

Maybe it is time to try to “check out” who is around. If it is a religious event, and there is separate seating, maybe the people planning can have a common area where you can look, and if they see someone that may be of interest to ask around to see if someone knows this person for an introduction. What a great place to meet someone. The bride and groom have singles friends.

If there is mixed seating, maybe “mix” the seating up, it may be difficult to figure out who may get along, but look what the opportunities are.

So, the next wedding you go to, look around, you never know who you will meet.

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 Being a scientist, I love to look at things with a scientific eye every once in awhile. I remeber when I first heard of the love hormones called Phermones. These are hormones excreted by animals as well as humans when they are in “love”. I thought I would bring a little article about the chemistry of love that I found on line that talks about the role that different nerotransmitters play in love. The link is as follows for the whole article, I will just paste part of it.

The Chemistry of Love

There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you’re in love. Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we’re in long-term relationships. Of course, estrogen and testosterone play a role in the sex drive area (see How Sex Works). Without them, we might never venture into the “real love” arena.That initial giddiness that comes when we’re first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we’re releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the “pleasure chemical,” producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist and well-known love researcher from Rutgers University, together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. She also says, “The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and … men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.”


Researchers are using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to watch people’s brains when they look at a photograph of their object of affection. According to Helen Fisher, a well-known love researcher and an anthropologist at Rutgers University, what they see in those scans during that “crazed, can’t-think-of-anything-but stage of romance” — the attraction stage — is the biological drive to focus on one person. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine — associated with states of euphoria, craving and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love “obsess” about their partner.

Lee Ann Obringer.  “How Love Works”.  February 12, 2005  http://people.howstuffworks.comlove6.htm  (August 30, 2007)

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Do you find yourself in the office 12+ hours a day? Do you work 7 days a week? Are you always on your phone speaking to someone in the office? Have you ever been accused of being a workaholic?

I am glad you found a job that you love, that you put so much time and effort into but then what about putting some time and effort into your personal relationships and looking for that special someone. Some of you are so super intelligent that I know that if you put just half of the time you put into work into your love life that you would find that special someone.

What does this mean? It means calling the person that you are matched up within a day or two of receiving their number. It means e-mailing the matchmakers and being in touch with us about matches and other important information. It also means giving each match a 100% and really trying to see if this person is for you. There are also many ways offline that you can do to help you find that match. All it takes is some commitment to the idea. Just like you go to the gym each day, spend sometime each day working on your love life. I promise you it is much more enjoyable then work in the end :)

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This is the time of year that we all reflect on our lives. Where we are, what improvements we want to make, and how we should look and approach the future.

It is also the time, that so many Jewish Single’s will sit in synagogue, and think, how nice it would be to have a spouse this time next year. Well, this is possible. It is time to take dating seriously if you haven’t been. Maybe this is the year, to take it upon yourselves to make it your priority.

Network, join on-line sites, go to single’s events. But, you have to take it seriously and follow-up. Don’t just expect that once you have been matched with someone or, a friend highly recommends someone to you, that unless you contact this person and make the initial steps, they will not be part of your future.

You have to contact them, speak to them, go out with them to see if they are for you. Work, your friends, your gym, your daily activities will all still be there, but unless you make a real effort your future partner will just be part of your dreams.

If you are serious, then this is the perfect time, with Rosh Hashanah just weeks away, make a decision and stick to it.

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This seems to be a repeated theme lately on both sides of the fence. Finally get a mutually approved matched and your phone numbers are exchanged. I would assume you are excited to be in touch and one of the members makes the effort to call and only gets the machine. The other member doesn’t return messages for whatever countless reasons. Alternatively, you spoke once for a brief time and said you would speak again soon. That soon turns into weeks and the person who is making the calls is tired of chasing after someone who shows no interest.

Common courtesy tells me that if you are not interested in the other person either close the match or let us matchmakers know so we can do it for you. Trust me the person will be much happier in the end that you never spoke then having to chase you down.

If you are interested and you find yourself as one of those people who are returning calls, ask yourself why? Ok so you work 12 hours a day and are to tired in the evening to speak to someone for an hour. That is why I think first phone calls should be short and just make plans to meet for coffee.

The next time you find yourself not returning calls, either pick up that phone right away or drop us a line to let us know you are busy or uninterested.

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