Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

I had a question asked to me recently – what do you do to let someone know that you want to take things slow – and not have a physical relationship.

My answer: This is not something that you have to discuss on the first few dates, if either person brings this up, after a few dates, and you are not ready. Be honest. Never feel like you have to have the relationship go to a physical one until you are ready, or some decide to wait for marriage.

If the person doesn’t want to wait, puts pressure on you, or just can’t respect you for these wishes, they are not right for you. Don’t feel pressured, only you will know when/if you are ready.

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You want to try to figure out what you should discuss on the first date. I always say it is a time to get to know each other a little. See if there is enough interest to go out again.

You will probably have an idea of what interests the person has, or what they like to do. Some of the topics of discussion can be around this. If they enjoy movies, speak about them, which films have they seen recently, what did they like/dislike about it.  Books, Sports, what ever the interests are.

Another subject to discuss is friend’s. From here you get an idea how loyal a person they are, do they have many friends, and how far back to they go. Do they meet people easily and maintain strong “ties” with these people. Family as well, how close are they. Even if they all live in different cities, or even countries do they keep in touch with one another?

You can learn a lot about each other, just by making small talk. Go ahead, come up with a few questions that you can think of, and start asking. Don’t make it sound like an interview, try to keep it flowing, and respond back, get into the conversation as well.

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It’s funny, certain times of the year we see an increase in members. Rosh Hashanah, Passover, during the summer, and of course Valentine’s Day. Why is this?

During the holiday’s I guess that is when you realize you are alone, or another year has gone by and you are still single. Now it is Valentines’s Day, the holiday of love, romance, showing your partner how much you love them.

But why wait, shouldn’t you be looking for the partner at all time’s? Or if you do have someone you are spending time with, why do we need a special day to remind us to show them how much we care?

Everyday should be the holiday. It’s time to realize that if you don’t do something to meet your future partner, next year will come around again, and you will be in the same position as you are today.

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Click into the Linc to see Founder of Jretromatch in the News with great dating tips for you

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Communication is one of the most important aspect’s to a successful relationship. Not only is it important to express yourself it is also important to listen….and many times we need to train ourselves to do this. We all have to learn to do this, it is vital in dating, as well as for you future when you are married.

So start, maybe you will have a more successful relationship by doing so.

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You are ready for marriage. Now it means finding someone who feels the same way and not just to date for a relationship, that could lead to marriage down the road. If you are serious, then when you are speaking with people let them know this.

You should be on the same “page” with the person you are dating. But if you see that after about 6 months the relationship isn’t going anywhere, then maybe it is time to talk to each other and see what is going on. If you are really serious, then don’t waste time being with someone who isn’t.

 I also say, if you decide to “walk” and it was meant to be, then the person will come back and maybe make the final committment to you.

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You are looking to meet someone on-line. Your are busy and you figure it is only way that you can take the stress of of looking and meeting someone. Remember though, we can only make the matches. You have to review, accept or decline, and actually take the time to do this.

If matches go untouched they will time out.

If you do get a mutually approved match, please follow-up. Contact each other, set up a time to meet. It takes a lot of time and work to get the matches made, and it is great when they are approved, I really dislike seeing a match get closed, for Never Got in Touch.

If you are serious, great, but if not, please don’t waste the matchmakers or the other persons time. You are not being fair to all of us. If your personal life is to hectic, it is better to make yourself inactive for a bit.

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I hear so many people today say they are happy with the way things are going on in there life. Good career, enjoys there social life, love to be able to go away when they want, to travel, to go to see friends, whatever.

That is great, but now consider. You are in your 50′s, you have no spouse, no children. You have done the partying, the traveling, the theatre with friends. Now all your friends are married with children, and there priorities have changed.

You are alone.

Is this what you really want? Growing old on your own? Think about this, and be serious. Is that what you really wanted?

Now is the time to make the changes. Yes you can still go out and have fun when you are married. Yes you can still travel when you are married. Yes you can have it all, with alot of planning. Marriage is not being tied down if you don’t want it to be.

Think of what you can have. A spouse, children, but most important – you are not alone. Those challenges in life, you now have someone to go through them with. Those travels, you now have someone do go with, the theatre partner,  you now take you spouse and it turns into your date night, which is so special

Think – don’t go on being ALONE

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So many times we are quick to speak out to our loved ones, and complain about there “bad habits”. But why don’t we look at the situation a little differently. This can even happen when you are dating.

Situation 1:

One person is always late. The typical reaction to this is to make a comment. ” I don’t understand why you can never get here on time, what do you do with yourself all day that puts you so behind”.

instead say:

“Why, you are late again, did you have a rough day today dear? I am sorry. Lets see if I can help you out a little in the future to see if we can figure out a way that this doesn’t happen?


The house is always a mess when I get here, I just don’t understand why you can’t clean up after yourself?


I see you didn’t get to clean up, you must be having a really rough time managing your job(s), (maybe kids), and doing everything you have to. Why don’t I come over once a week and instead of us going out take the time together to get things in order.

Try to be more understanding and forgiving. Look at things a little differently. What makes one person concerned, can be anothers selfishness. Don’t “jump” too quickly to make a statement that you will regret later, or learn to say you are sorry. Think before speaking, and help each other out. Relationships as well as marriage is hard work, you don’t think twice about working so hard for your pay check at the end of the week, maybe it is time to look at you relationship, and be willing to work at it just as much. Take the time.

It is very easy to say something that will be misinterpreted. Learn to recognize this, and together work on it. It is easier to fix something that still works then to re-build something that is broken.

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What are you looking for in your future spouse? Most people I speak to have this list of what they are looking for, go over yours. What’s on it? Does it describe physical traits, or emotional? What you should be looking for is really your best friend.

Think of your best friend for a moment, you will be there for each other no matter what. You may agree or disagree with them at times but you will always be loyal to them, and love them. If they get ill, you will be by there side through it all. If they go through hardship, loose all there money, you will still love them for who they are.

Now think of what you are looking for in a spouse, does this apply? It should. If you are looking for someone who is beautiful, what happens if G-D forbid they are in an accident, and disfigured or loose a limb – will you still love them unconditionally? If you are looking for someone who will provide for you, be financially secure, and they loose there money, what will happen in your relationship?

Your best friend, someone who will be there, support you no matter what will happen – who you can laugh, cry, and go through any of life’s unexpected occurances, that is what you want in a spouse.

So go over your list, time to make some changes, look more for the emotional traits, what type of person they are. Yes it is important to be physically attracted to them, but usually the attraction comes when you are together – and seeing the good in a person, and that you love is unconditional.

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