Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

Let’s be real, if you expect, tall, dark, handsome, extremely wealthly, and you are not willing to leave your own city, unless it is to vacation – with him to some exotic place, the chances of meeting someone like this, next to NIL.

Especially, if on the first phone call, you ask, how much do you earn, where do you live, and what do you look like.

If these are your expectations – I say look at yourself, are you this as well?

It is time to be realistic. The person, if this is what you want, then I say network in your own circles, this is probably not what you will find on a dating site.

I will tell you a little story – A young couple was engaged. He was from very wealthy family. They went to look for the engagement ring in New York City diamond industry, if you live in New York you can relate. She kept on looking, he would point something out to her, she would look, try on, and say – no, a little different, a little bigger stone. They moved to the next counter, and the next, this continued to happen, no a little better quality, bigger stone…

Finally, he looked at her, and said, if this is what you think, the engagements is off, it’s my parents money and not mine. He walked out of the area, leaving her standing there. Moral of the story – don’t only look what is in the pockets, or what you think is. Look for the person, what they can offer you. How they treat you and others.

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Many people feel that only as a married person do you have your way in society. This is not true. As a single person, you still have a place. Use this time to secure that place. Use it as a time to find out who you are. Feel positive about yourself, and do everything you can to make yourself the best person you can be.

Don’t let yourself feel that you are not “whole” without a spouse, when you do meet the right person, you will still be who you are, now you will have someone next to you, as added support and together you can take on more of those dreams that you want.

Always go out looking your best, be positive, don’t let yourself get down because you are single. I always have said that when you meet someone, if they see you are desperate, you will probably loose them. When they see a person with confidence, a sense of truly knowing who they are, who is enjoy being, then things can fall into place.

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Does this sound like you.

Man between 50-65 looking for woman under 40 who wants to have children and still can. Will not compromise. She must be attractive, outgoing, live within 60 miles of..

Now ask yourself.

 How many woman who are available will want to go out with someone over 10-15 years older then they are?

Are you willing to wait, and wait, and still be single and alone. Just because you want children, or more children

What do you have to offer them that is so special?

If you have never been married, then it is time to wake up, why aren’t you? And why have you waited so long to realize this.

Considering we hear, I want, I want, instead of what am I willing to compromise on, men, ( and woman) you will continue to be single.

In a relationship and marriage there is compromise and if you are only saying I, then maybe you are not ready…

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Please, please….when you commit to on-line dating part of the process is to review matches. DOn’t let them seat around and “time-out” or just don’t respond to them. You ask as to make matches, we do, then you just don’t follow-up. PLease reveiw the matches, and make your decision either way, accept or decline but don’t let them go.

You may think you are being the “nice person” you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not accepting. Well, from what we hear, it is worse to let the match just go, shows you not being considerate.

Or, you finanlly get a mutually approved match, and what do you do, nothing…Please follow-up. Look at yourselves, and think, if you want to really meet someone, then you will have to do some work.

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As an on-line matchmaker, I see so many people declining the matches. Why? You never know who the right person will be. It is better to accept the match and meet up, then never to accept and not know. Photo’s, profile’s – these is not the main thing, how many people can’t articulate themselves on paper and be the best person to be around, or can write so well and when you meet them, have nothing to say.

As long as there is nothing that “turns you off”, why not just say YES.

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Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.

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You are out on a date, and get into a “heated” discussion on an interest or belief one of you may have. Instead of making this into a debate, or clearly showing how you may not agree in this situation, why not try to turn it into a Discussion. Ask questions, show some interest, even if you don’t agree, but the other person may feel strongly about it.

None of us will have the same opinion about everything, but it shouldn’t be the time to get into how you don’t. Try to turn the situation around, or change the subject. If this is something that you can’t see yourself being part of, or “living with” then you know this person is not for you.

But try to make the best of the situation, and you know it will just mean you won’t hear from each other again.

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Are men and woman so different. It use to be the men would not committ to a relationship. They would want to see how many woman they could go out with before they had to settle down. Are woman so different today?

 Is the “corporate woman” becoming the same way? Is the busy lifestyle taking over, for time to meet and settle down? Maybe you all have to step back a bit and reconsider what you want for your future? The 60 hour work week, or a family to leave the office for? A family to come home to, a spouse to be by your side for the future, and children to be born and to be part of somethingso special.

Time to think – and look at your life. What is it that you really want?

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Conversation is the way that most people will determine if that person is for them, and if they would like to go out again. But some people are amazing, and conversation is not there strong point. You may have to see how they react in certain situations or be with others to see there interaction to know that they are who they are.

See about compatibility, traits that you know the person is strong in, or that you made of heard about. Some people are really terrible “first dates” give them an oppportunity and go out again.

Look for other signs in this person. Speak to others who may know them. Don’t just presume that things won’t work out because you can’t have a flowing conversation, or if you find yourself being the one to initiate the way it goes.

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When I speak to someone, they always tell me what they want in a person, I want this look, I want this education level, I want, I want, I want.

What does this say to you, will you be expecting – I your relationship as well. Lets look at this a little. Instead maybe ask yourself, what type of person – who will make you a better person, someone who will work together to build a wonderful home, and family. Someone who is open, honest, and gives to others.

Look for the qualities that will stay forever. A person who is tall, dark, and handsome today, may only keep is height later in years. A woman who is beautiful and thin, after a few children may put on a few pounds, may or may not age well over time.

Look for the lasting qualities, not the superficial ones. Your perfect partner may be the last person you would think would be suitable. So don’t judge someone by there picture, or how they appear to write a profile, give yourself the opportunity to meet or at least to speak with them.

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