I wanted to clarify a point about the matches. As matchmakers we do take pride in trying to make the best fit matches for each member. Sometimes we are more successful then other times.

Lets say you get a match and you are not so sure about it. What are somethings you can do before giving an answer either way.

1) You can always get information about why the matchmaker thought it was a good match. It could be she knows something you don’t which makes her feel it is a great match.

2) You can put the match on hold and take time to think about it.

I think some of you out there feel pressured at times to accept matches that we make thinking we would get insulted if you decline. I assure you this is not the case. I would rather someone decline the match and tell me why they don’t think it is a good idea, then accept it and never call that person. Too many people are accepting matches that they are not willing to give a chance

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This is a big issue for many of us. There are some people out there and I find some men especially divulge to much to early. This is usually the case with people who are divorced and they just start harping about their exs on dates. This is a big no no. I am not saying to be dishonest and not tell the truth but there is some information that does not need to be revealed at the beginning of relationships or ever in my opinion.

Here are some topics to stay away from:

1) Details of how bad your ex was. If it is an ex-wife/husband or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend it doesn’t matter. No one wants to hear how mean, vicious etc.. they were to you. True I understand you want to share what happened to you but save this stuff for when you have truly built a relationship and the sharing will only bring you closer. Still at this point how you say it will count.

2) Details of your past sex life. Big turn off to hear about how many partners you had and what experiences you did. This is not information that ever needs to be revealed unless your partner really wants to know in the future.

3) Messed up family home. You don’t need to go into the details of how your mother’s new husband wont allow your mom to come to visit. Most of us have a bit of a crazy family but you dont need to go into the details of it.

I think you get the point that our baggage needs to be stored away when we date and how and when we speak about it can determine if we match up with someone or not.

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This is a big issue with dating. To tell you the truth at the beginning of my dating career I also thought I could only go out with someone who like me had a post graduate degree. After all what could I have in common with someone who only had a vocational degree or never went to college?

There is truth in the matter that chances are if you are in similar levels of education you might have more chances of having things in common but there are exceptions and in this category I think there are more exceptions then most people think. Taking a quick survey of people I know, almost half are married to men who either do not have a full college degree or have a vocational degree. Each of these women, myself included, are highly educated with at least a master’s degree and from very respectable universities. All of us have one thing in common, we were able to overlook our husband’s degree and see them for who they really are. I am not saying that someone who comes from the little town in the middle of nowhere who never traveled and doesn’t have much life experience would be a good match for someone who grew up in NYC but sometimes you need to look beyond that little paper.

There are some circumstances out there and types of people who don’t fit the college mold. Take a very creative and artistic person. I have a wonderful friend like this who tortured herself tremendously try to go to university and fit her art into a box. It was hard for her and it took all her might to succeed but not everyone like her chooses to stick with it. Trust me she is a very smart woman. Also there are people who have family businesses and have been running them with their family since they were kids. They have so much real world experience that college becomes almost obsolete. There are also the people who are extremely intelligent but have a lot of problems with college. They are usually not straight thinkers but very creative and intuitive.

The point I am trying to get to is that education level does not automatically mean this person is a match for you or is intelligent. Try not to always dismiss matches sent with lower education levels and ask us matchmakers why we think it is such a great match.

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The matches are being made, Jewish Dating can now happen. But in order to actually date, you have to look at the match and make your decision. It is not just us making the matches, you have to do a little work yourselves. Accept, call the person, speak on the phone, schedule a meeting. Without attempting to follow through, there is no way you will actually even have a date.

So try, call the person, speak with them. Don’t wait around thinking that everything will just happen. You do have to take some steps yourself to make it work. The matchmaker’s can only do so much.

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I hope you have all had a great holiday with loads of yummy food and great company. Now is the time when most of us start to think about really finally finding our match and taking things seriously. Dating is a two way street and it takes both people to make the effort to get things going.

As of lately I have heard a lot of people complaining and being frustrated with just not being able to reach the people they are matched with. They try calling them a few times, leaving messages with no luck and no return phone call. OK ladies and gents, what is going on here!! You say you want to find someone and when a nice person finally does show the interest you procrastinate in calling back. Here on Jretromatch, with the uniqueness of the matchmakers acting as a go between I really feel we can help with some of this frustration. Here is my suggestion as to what to do:

1- Call the potential match twice in a span of a week with a few days between each call. Leave a clear message with your name and number, saying which site you are calling from and asking them to return your call. You got to be specific since someone might think that you are going to call back again.

2- Let us matchmakers know when you can’t reach someone within a week of being matched up. We will then approach the other side and see what is going on.

I hope with the help the matchmakers we can reduce some of the frustration that comes with online dating.

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I was speaking with someone today, and he was telling me his dating stories. It was incredible to think how one person could have been hurt so many times over the years, while dating.

I don’t think anyone purposely goes out to hurt someone during the process of dating. So why do we hear so many nightmare stories of how people were so hurt? Is it so difficult to be nice to someone when ending a relationship? I realize that usually someone will get hurt, but maybe if we try to be a little more sensitive when doing so, it won’t last as long.

On the other side, I spoke to someone who was involved with someone, and things weren’t working out, but the relationship ended by them both speaking it through, and realized together this was for the best for both of them.

Dating is difficult enough, but to be spiteful and hurt others feelings, I don’t think that is anyone’s intention. With Rosh Hashanah just days away, maybe this is one area that you can try to be more sensitive about. Treat others how you yourself would want to be treated. Just try.

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With the whole bunch of jewish holidays coming up right around the corner for some of you it might be hard reminder of being single. Most of us imagine the holidays with our families and our significant other and to once again face the reality of being single again at this time, this can be very hard. For those of you who get to together with family and friends, I think the holidays are a great time to network for matches. Speak to your cousin, uncle , aunt etc.. about their co-workers, neighbors or friends that they know who are single. Let them know what you are looking for and what you wont compromise on to avoid those horrible first dates. I think if everyone at the table took a little time to think about it they just might find you a date or two. Good luck and happy networking

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Last night I was at a wedding. I looked around and noticed the amount of single’s. A thought came to my mind. What a great place to meet other single’s. Simcha’s - Weddings, Bar Mitzvah’s, what could the chances be. You hear about it, well why not for you?

Maybe it is time to try to “check out” who is around. If it is a religious event, and there is separate seating, maybe the people planning can have a common area where you can look, and if they see someone that may be of interest to ask around to see if someone knows this person for an introduction. What a great place to meet someone. The bride and groom have singles friends.

If there is mixed seating, maybe “mix” the seating up, it may be difficult to figure out who may get along, but look what the opportunities are.

So, the next wedding you go to, look around, you never know who you will meet.

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 Being a scientist, I love to look at things with a scientific eye every once in awhile. I remeber when I first heard of the love hormones called Phermones. These are hormones excreted by animals as well as humans when they are in “love”. I thought I would bring a little article about the chemistry of love that I found on line that talks about the role that different nerotransmitters play in love. The link is as follows for the whole article, I will just paste part of it.

The Chemistry of Love

There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you’re in love. Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we’re in long-term relationships. Of course, estrogen and testosterone play a role in the sex drive area (see How Sex Works). Without them, we might never venture into the “real love” arena.That initial giddiness that comes when we’re first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we’re releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the “pleasure chemical,” producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist and well-known love researcher from Rutgers University, together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. She also says, “The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and … men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.”

Researchers are using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to watch people’s brains when they look at a photograph of their object of affection. According to Helen Fisher, a well-known love researcher and an anthropologist at Rutgers University, what they see in those scans during that “crazed, can’t-think-of-anything-but stage of romance” — the attraction stage — is the biological drive to focus on one person. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine — associated with states of euphoria, craving and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love “obsess” about their partner.

Lee Ann Obringer.  “How Love Works”.  February 12, 2005  http://people.howstuffworks.comlove6.htm  (August 30, 2007)

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Do you find yourself in the office 12+ hours a day? Do you work 7 days a week? Are you always on your phone speaking to someone in the office? Have you ever been accused of being a workaholic?

I am glad you found a job that you love, that you put so much time and effort into but then what about putting some time and effort into your personal relationships and looking for that special someone. Some of you are so super intelligent that I know that if you put just half of the time you put into work into your love life that you would find that special someone.

What does this mean? It means calling the person that you are matched up within a day or two of receiving their number. It means e-mailing the matchmakers and being in touch with us about matches and other important information. It also means giving each match a 100% and really trying to see if this person is for you. There are also many ways offline that you can do to help you find that match. All it takes is some commitment to the idea. Just like you go to the gym each day, spend sometime each day working on your love life. I promise you it is much more enjoyable then work in the end

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