CAT | Jewish singles
When you are meeting people in a natural setting – at a party or with friends you usually act yourself. They tend to meet the “true you”. Be this way when you are out on a date. Don’t try to be someone who you aren’t, because eventually this can only hurt you.
With on-line dating sites - it is very easy to write what you want, you hope this will attract the person – but when you meet them how do you explain yourself?
So many times we see people not telling the truth about there age. It is easy to “take a few years off” But is this really fair to someone you meet. I realize many people today are “younger in years” then they really are – but don’t deceit the eachother. This is not the proper way to start off a relationship when you are dating.
I realize we sometimes “embelish” the truth a little, but when it comes to age, employment, just be honest. Don’t start off the relationship this way – someone will always get hurt when they find out the truth.
Personality as well – we all try to please our partners and say we enjoy things we may not – be honest with each other. You always can remember the stories of 50 years later – the woman is serving her husband dinner – and he finally says how he dislikes it..when she asked why he never mentioned this to her..he says..I never wanted to hurt your feelings. This is very nice..but is it worth spending 50 years not enjoying your dinner. Just be honest with eachother from start.
You are dating to meet someone – just be yourself – if it is meant to be you will like eachother for who you both are not for who you are trying to be. If you do not believe that who you are is the best..then maybe before you begin to date you should be looking at yourself and seeing where YOU can be making changes.
Dating Distance is not usually what anyone would want – but for some people this is the only way they could meet. With on-line site’s this is more of a possibility and “doors” can be broader and the matches can be made. So when you are dating – consider Jewish Dating – and going the long distance route..
Don’t close yourself off to Intercity Dating or even International, it is more difficult but you can make it work if it is meant to be. It will be more of a challenge, and you will require some creativity to keep it going but it could be worth it. It may be best to speak to each other a few times before you schedule the first meeting – which will require one of you to travel.
Plan ahead - how will you get there – where will you stay – who will be the one to travel first.
Things to think about – if the date doesn’t work out – what will you do?
Here are some tips: some that I personally did while Intercity Dating:
1. If you have friends in the city you are traveling to, made arrangements to stay with them – this way make the best of the time away
2. If you go to a new city – stay at a Hotel - “research” the city – so if things don’t work out make a mini-vacation so at least you get to enjoy yourself and do some site-seeing
3. Help the person with there travel plans – make arrangements for them to being picked up at the Airport, or at least offer – or assist with a place to stay. Highly recommend the first visit even if they offer do not stay at there place. Just in case things don’t work out it may be very uncomfortable for the both of you.
4. Don’t plan to be together every second of the day. If things go well – then plans can be changed easier then trying to make arrangements to find things to do…
5. Make the first visit a short one, but if you can extend it if things work out then that would be great.
6. No matter what happens make the best of the time away.
Purim – It is a day to hide behind the mask. We dress up, and play make believe. We can be who ever we want to. Many people get a little drunk, and we “stamp” out Haman’s name when we read the Megillah. Maybe we should think about this.
Today more and more people are asking when dating, one question. What is it? How does he/she look? We ask about the physical being of the person before anything else. Let’s think about this. We also play dating “games” you say you are serious but never actually follow through on matches. You call a person and figure if the conversation doesn’t go well – why bother to give it a second chance. You go out on a date, but it may not go well – so instead of being a little considerate and making the best of the situation, you leave through the back (maybe without even settling the bill). Instead of giving it a chance or being more open.
Physical look –
What attributes this person has, not if they are a good person, or what type of family they are from. We look first at the physical. I am not saying this is wrong, of course we want to be attracted to our partner, and there has to be chemistry, but attraction and chemistry can also grow. Who the person is, and what they can bring to the relationship probably won’t. Are they kind, considerate, can they be a provider, and you don’t need to have a great profession today to be able to provide for your family (as we have seen with so many people out of work) you need someone who can be there through emotional support, hardships that will happen in your daily life.
You want someone who is committed – not into the “partying” ( or maybe you still want this) but think if this is how you want to be as you want to begin a relationship – are you still trying to be a kid, maybe it is time to “grow up”.It is time to stop hiding behind the masks, playing make believe, and stamping out what isn’t right. It is time to make commitments, be realistic, and maybe take a few more chances.
It seems like we have gone full circle, today hearing Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch…is not so uncommon. Between the on-line Jewish Dating Sites, and an actual matchmaker working for you, this has become the way of the 90′s and now ’10′s
I decided to see how popular this word has become on-line and just bringing up the word – you get on-line matchmaker services, a list of professional matchmaker’s and there now is even a course to become a Professional Matchmaker – Certificate upon completion
So why today is this process not just for the religious communities anymore? Is it because Jewish Dating has become so difficult? Or that we spend so much time working, playing and being involved in so many different activities that we can’t meet anyone
Having a matchmaker is very common today. Is this concept considered “buying love” – or paying for a service? It is just one more outlet out there for dating today, and the Jewish Matchmaker has become the way of the present as well.
With JEWISH DATING, what is very important at any age is to Network. At any age, Jewish Dating is not just saying you are ready, it is the start to informing everyone you are ready.
You have to get out there, speak to people, and use every possible means to finding yourself a partner. I know this is easy to say, but how do you go about this?
First lets look at some of the conventional ways, in Networking in Jewish Dating . If you are religious you may choose to use a Shaddchan, (Matchmaker). For this it is best to speak to people in your community, or your local Rabbi to find out who is the best Shadchan for your age and religious level. But wait, more and more people are using Shadchan’s and today you do not have to be “frum” to use one. There are services, and the internet to help you find them. There are even on-line sites’ such as Sawyouatsinai and Jretromatch that take the idea of you having a Shadchan ( Matchmaker) and they work with you, to finding you matches.
Jewish Singles’ event’s. This has been a typical way to meet and mingle. Every local community run’s event’s and it just requires you to ask around, look in the local Jewish Paper’s, and internet search, to find some. From Speed-dating, to Dinner’s Party’s and now wonderful Single’s Vacation’s.
Jewish Adventure Clubs. If you are Athletic there are many out there from Skiing Clubs, to Hiking.
Then you have the real NETWORK - friends, family, neighbor’s, and co-workers. Speak to people, ask around you can’t be shy. Inform people you are wanting to meet, and tell them the type of person you are looking for. Ask them to speak to others and “put your name out” Start going out more, get yourself known in your community. If people don’t know who you are it makes it very difficult.
Just remember – you can’t just sit around and expect something to happen – today you have to be a little more pro-active, so just get out there and help make it happen.
It is January , 2010. Wow a New Year and decade. What will happen to many of you this year, and in the next 10.
Will you look back and say,”only if:, or : “what could I have done differently”
Or will you look back and be happy where you are in your life – in a relationship, or planning your wedding, or children?
Take the steps to make that happen. Don’t say you want it but then don’t do anything about it. Or find yourself with potential matches and you don’t even really make the effort to move things forward. Take the next few week, or days, to look at yourself and really ask are you doing what you can to meet someone. But even more so, once you are – are you putting everything you can to make it work? A relationship is hard work – if you ask people it is probably more challenging and stressful then that new job, moving, school, what ever you are involved in. But it is worth it. So go out there the end result can find you a spouse.
This will be my last post for 2009 so here goes…
For 2010 – what can you change to improve the way you may be looking for a potential partner?
Are you being too “picky”? Are you not getting out there enough? Are you spending to much time at the office, that you just don’t know where to go to meet someone?
Well if you answered YES to anyone of there, how about trying one of the many On-line Dating Sites. I am partial ( well considering that is where I spend most of my days, trying to make matches for many of you – or hope to be) for Sawyouatsinai – if you are a religious, or a little more Observant, and Jretromatch for the non-religious. Sign up – the cost is minimal when you consider you are looking for your spouse.
Go in with a great attitute, if you don’t meet your furture spouse, you may meet some wonderful people – have some fun going out on dates, or speaking with people, but the main thing – you are doing what you can.
With just under a 1000 members being succesfully matched, and today are either happily married, some even with children, and other’s planning there day. To the 100′s that are currently dating – you too can be included in these numbers.
Just don’t sit around and wait, as waiting will not help you – being proactive will…
Lets have a great 2010 – and hope you will be one of the many that will be succesfully matched and that your name will be there with all the other’s
You are trying to figure out what to do on the date>
Make it somewhere that the two of you can feel comfortable, you may want to discuss it together to see if there is a place that you both would enjoy. Don’t set up an extravagant first date this is a time to figure out if there is enough similar interests that you would want to go out again.
One of my best first dates, a bike ride on the Boardwalk – then a picnic dinner by the water ( I lived in Toronto so this was at the harbour)/ It showed me a lot about the person, as he packed up a great meal – nothing fancy – but had everything planned out. The cost minimal and it has left an impact on me for over 18 years. ( No we did not get married, but the date was wonderful)
Some like going to a movie and dinner – you can then speak about the movie and find out some other things as well. Don’t plan a long date, if things don’t work out it may be difficult to spend time together. “Coffee” dates are always good if it is uncomfortable you can always end it, and if not spend many hours talking.
My first date with my husband – he showed up in sweat pants saying he had to leave to go play hockey, 1/2 after the time he was “supposed” to be gone I asked him, he did have a game, but I think to this day it was a great excuse to show up in sweats. he never made the game, and we talked most of the night. That night I had a feeling he would be the guy I married – he said it took the 2nd date for him to realize it.
So what ever your plans, just have fun, and try to enjoy the experience.
We have spoken about this before. When choosing a person who you would be interested in does she/he really exist. So make sure when you are looking for someone that they are out there. If you spend too much time looking for a person that doesn’t exist you can be wasting valuable time and effort in the dating world.
Don’t set such high standards, be realistic about the age difference, the physical aspects, tall – dark – beautiful/handsome – is great but you also have to be open of who you are. Education – as many woman go for the higher degree’s just because the man doesn’t have the “Ivy” League education – doesn’t mean that they are not intelligent.
The higher the expectation the longer it may take – and you may miss out on meeting your perfect match – because you where waiting for the “Ideal” one.
How a person carries and presents themselves in public can be a way to meet someone. If you are confident in your self this will come out when you are in public, and this can attract people towards you. These few steps can help you finding a partner.
1. Think about who you are – and try to find inner happiness. Get to know who you are and go out there and do the thing you enjoy to doing. Don’t wait around for others try to be more confident in you.
2. If you are unsure about something – don’t hide away from it – take a deep breath and push yourself to go out there
3. Don’t rely on other’s to make you happy – if you want to do something go for it. If you wait around and just put yourself behind your desk or at home on your couch this won’t give you the opportunity to meet people.
4. Try to be with people that make you feel good about yourself and what you do, be positive this will come across when you meet people.
5. Go out and enjoy the things you like to do – this will also put you with others who enjoy the same things and will give you the opportunity to meet people with similar interests.
Most important though, is really find out who “you” are, and if you don’t like what you see in the mirror then maybe it is time to make a few changes. Think positive – but also be happy with who you are and where you are in your life. Don’t have unrealistic expectations,