Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

CAT | Jewish singles

You have decided to sign up for one / or more of the many on-line Jewish Dating Services. Great, but please take it seriously. If you are looking for matches, or you have a matchmaker that does it for you, please respond to the match. Respond to the emails, continue to log in regularly, if you are required to review matches that are sent to you, don’t let them time out. Have a look and accept or decline.

It is very frustrating as a matchmaker to have to contact members, even when you are logging in to review your matches. Especially if the other person has already approved the match. It is also very frustrating to have to follow-up with people, when after a mutually approved match, you still don’t contact each other. If your schedule is busy, or you have personal things to take care, you can still make a quick call and let them know.

If you are not serious, then maybe you should reconsider, joining the sites till you are. Consider the other people as well, would you want it done to you?

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I don’t know about you but I always kind of dreaded the first phone call. Sure I was excited to get a chance to meet a new person but I never knew who was going to be on the other line. In general, I truly believe that first phone calls should never be longer then 10 minutes. It should just be used as a way to introduce yourselves and talk about a time to meet for coffee or drinks. There are exceptions of course for people who are long distance and they can’t meet up in a few days. I don’t believe the first phone call should be an interview. Some of us actually are not comfortable on the phone and my not come across so smoothly.What should you talk about? I recommend looking at the person’s profile before calling and find a few points of interest to talk about, like what he/she does for living, where they grew up, or find something that you have in common and briefly talk about that. Also have in mind a few places that you can meet up in for a simple drink/coffee that way when you ask to meet up you will be prepared which will make the plans easier to make.Try to be yourself as much as possible and keep things light. Don’t ever talk about past relationships or any difficulties you are having in your life at that moment. This is not a friend you are talking to and you don’t know each other well enough to share very intimate details.Good luck!  

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You have just finished the date, and know the person is not right for you, what do you do? Do you say something to them at the time? Wait to see if they call again? When they ask if you are interested suggest they call you? Let me know.

I always tried to end on a positive note even if it wasn’t a great date, or wasn’t interested in the person, but always found it difficult on the date, to say no to the next time if asked. I was alot more comfortable saying, “give me a call” and telling them over the phone.

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You are tired of dating in the Jewish Dating Scene, but what are your options. I have heard many people say they don’t date Jewish. Why not? We are all the same, and even if you are not religious, Judaism is not just a religion, but a history, culture, and traditions that have been passed down. Consider the difficulties that may arise when dating someone not Jewish. Holidays are different, you may say it is nice to celebrate both, give your children the opportunity to choose, but are you giving them mixed signals? Sometimes we have to make decisions,  we have to open up our eyes to our future…the children.

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One of the big reasons many people decline matches online are due to someone’s age, either they are too old or too young for them. When I first started matching it seemed funny to me that the unsaid rule was that men look for women 10 years ( or more) younger then them and women look up to 10 years older then them. Being the scientist I will tell you it actually so should be in reverse since woman out live their partners in most cases. Being the child of parents with 19 year age difference I feel I have a lot to say on this subject and can speak from personal experience of what an age difference can do in a relationship in some cases.First my rule is not to go over 10 years difference either way. The reason I feel that is once you start pushing past 10 years you start to get into problems of differences with generations and stages of life. I strongly feel that most men need to be more flexible when it comes to age. Why can’t a 38 year old man go out with a 38 year old woman? Why is younger so much better? In my opinion most women as they age only get better like wine :)   If you get a great match but the only thing that doesn’t match up is she is a year older then you, I really feel that shouldn’t stop you from looking into the match.  The other problem with matching is with men over 50 who want to date women 15 -20 years younger then they are. If you are Donald trump or some other millionaire, I say sure that might happen but in most cases, women that much younger then you will not be interested on paper to even look at the match. You say well look at your parents it worked for them. First my parent met when my father was 40 and still in great shape and health but as time has gone on and my father has gotten older the age difference between my parents has grown. My mother is not ready to slow down, my father is. The health issues my father has my mother has to do deal with everyday. There were also other issues that I don’t want to get into now that made the relationship rocky and hard for us children. I totally understand the desire to meet younger women to have children but I am telling you we have many great, high quality women closer to your age who also have the same desire as you do and if you would look past their age you might find yourself a little less lonely sooner rather then later (with adoption possible and todays medical interventions kids are always a possibility).In some cases age is just a number. We have all met the incredible energetic 50 year old who you couldn’t believe was that age or the mature 23 year old guy.  Try to look beyond your boundaries a bit and you might be very surprised at the matches you will receive.

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Sometime’s we meet someone, and the physical attraction is so intense, that we let this be our quide in a relationship. This may lead to lust not love. Look at the person for who they are, not what they look like. Remember as we get older, we may gain weight, hair becomes grey, or you may loose it, we want to meet someone who no matter what happens, we will be “in love” with them so all the physical attributes should not be your priority. I use say, try to “close your eyes” and really think, if this can be someone I want to grow old with. If they are then, you may have found your future partner.

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I wanted to talk about what I think is a cool feature on our site that is not used enough right now by most members.  We have all gone out with someone who was just not right for us but was a nice person. Our wheels start turning and we think he/she would be great for my friend. On Jretromatch we have a feature that allows you to set up anyone at all that is either on or off the site. That is you can set up a friend with someone you met through Jretromatch or you can set up two people who are not at all on the site. All you need is their e-mail address. It can also be done anonymously so if you want to set yourself up with someone from the office who you think is cute, just put in the details and we will do all the work :)

 All you have to do is click on the right side of your main page in jretromatch where it says Suggest a match and fill in the details. Now you can also be a matchmaker :)

Happy Matching!

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You open your e-mail and you see you got a message from Jretromatch that says mail is waiting for you on the site. You eagerly log in to see if it is a match waiting for your response. Yeah it is a match, maybe it will be a great one. You look at the profile and you think ok not bad I will give it a shot. To make a long story short you both accept and you wait for each of you to call and no one does.

Why? All day long for work you make a million phone calls, find the time to run around and do most of what you need to do but in the end of the day you haven’t made 15 min clear to call someone to see if this match could work. When you really want something most of us (most of you have very impressive careers and resumes) run to get it till it is yours.  Why is this different? Why is this not a priority in your life? I am not here to blame but I really want each of you to think about it. If finding a partner is something really important to you, then you need to make the time and effort to do so. Relationships need time and work but are rewarding in the end. I personally don’t think women have to wait till the guys call, if you like his profile make the effort as well, I know most men will appreciate it.  Guys, you are not off the hook. If you are really busy make a quick call to let her know you will be in touch soon and that you just wanted to say hi.  I always recommend to both people that if they are not able to call or be reached when they accept a match to let their matchmakers know so we can pass on the message.

Now for all of you who haven’t called your match yet, pick up the phone, I know they will appreciate it :)  


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I married someone I never thought I would marry. He was intelligent and could have a great conversation but was that enough? He hadn’t finished college ( here I was with my million degrees), he was less experienced and worldly then I was and we didn’t necessarily share the same exact interests.

Why did I marry him? Well at first I wasn’t even sure I wanted to date him past the 3rd date. He was trying so hard, that I was getting scared and wanted to run fast the other way. Then a good friend turned to me and said breath, think about it and tell him to slow down. All he is doing is trying to be nice and see where things will take you. As I started to get to know him better, I realized that he was a great person. Here was someone willing to grow and work on himself. Someone who could admit to being wrong, someone who wanted to give so much to his partner and someone who was very loving. I also began to realize we had the same goals in life and we both wanted to move in the same direction- which I believe is essential in a good relationship. I also began to realize here was someone that could be my partner for life, who would work through the good and bad until we got things right and to me that was more important then a degree or how tall he was. I had to push to see all that and take my guard down but when I did I knew that he was the one I was going to marry. My husband will tell you he knew all along, but I wasn’t so sure and that is ok. Sometimes, especially those of us who have been in bad relationships in the past need to give it time to see if the match is really going to work. I always recommend speaking to a good friend or a matchmaker to help you look at the relationship in an objective manner.

My rule always was with dating was that if nothing is really telling you “no” then one more date won’t harm you.

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You are out on a date, and you start to feel uncomfortable, it may be something that was said, or done. Take these signs as a warning. It may mean that you just know that you won’t go out again, but other times if you are getting “feelings”, it may be time to end the date.

Many people on a first date, make a place to meet, this is a good idea, as you can make your own way home. I know, I use to have a signal with friends, they would call me on my cell,  and I would have a “sign” with them to let them know if everything was okay or not. Perfect excuse, when the phone rings..”emergency” has come up and you will have to leave. I remember one incident where even with the initial phone call, something didn’t sound so good, but the person who fixed us up knew me and I thought knew the guy. I went out with him, but had a friend around the corner of the restaurent just to make sure I was okay. He was a little strange but harmless, the date was uncomfortable but wasn’t to worried, and I just gave her a sign that she can go.

Don’t put yourself at risk, go with your gut, but when talking on the phone and you have this feeling, it may just be nerves, so it is still worth the attempt of a meeting. You never know what could happend. The date could be fine, and things may work out.

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