CAT | Jewish singles
I thought I would take some time to share with you some impressions of a first date. We have all had the best and worst case scenarios, so I figure I’d pass some of mine on. Maybe this will also help you with some ideas.
Lets start off with the negative first:
1. Met someone for “coffee”. Normally when you go for coffee the standard question would be, would you like something else? Well he made it very clear that he was serious, a cup of coffee. Then when the bill came, he pulled out his credit card, for $2. When they told him no charge under $5 he went to buy some bread so he can use the card.
Comments: If you go for coffee, that is great, I have had many coffee dates that have worked out well, as a matter of fact my first date with my husband was at a coffee shop. But, don’t pull out the credit card for $2 it is a little embarrassing.
2. Went to a baseball game, this is always nice, watching a game, being outdoors. When he picked me up commented on how tired he was as he spent the day golfing and making business deals the whole day, and added, it was great “billing” his client’s on the golf course $400 hourly. He was a lawyer. Sounds great for him, my date, well he fell asleep from his exhaustion during the game.
Comments: if you have a date with someone, first don’t comment on the amount you are charging your clients, expecially on the golf course, and if you are so tired take a nap before the date.
3. Cars: I don’t think anyone likes to get into a filthy car, suggestion, before going out, if you fall into this category take out the empty food bags, cans, garbage, water bottles…
Comment: I think you get the “picture”
Another car incident..sitting on a towel, as he was afraid I would get his brand new car dirty, get rid of the towels and put on seat covers…
Okay some positive:
1. One of my best first dates. A bicycle ride by the waterfront, including a picnic dinner on the beach. This was probably one of my most memorable dates. Riding on the boardwalk, then sitting on the beach for picnic, of sandwhiches and drinks, no alcoholic. We had a wonderful evening, he just wasn’t ready for a relationship as was just divorced.
Comments: Do something enjoyable, a little romantic, you don’t need to be “wined and dined” to have a great experience, a nice relaxing evening, in a nice location, be creative.
2. Picnic Lunch: This was my third date with my husband. We met at a Conversation Park near my office, he brought the blanket and the food, including chocolate, strawberries, and a flower as not sure what was my favorite ( chocolate of course). We ate lunch, had a great conversation then strolled hand in hand through the Conservation Park. Stopped in an area with a little lake, and he asked me if he could kiss me, yes the first kiss..
Comments: Bringing a little bit of what a girls loves, not knowing exactly which, it was relaxing, romantic, and he asked before the kiss. A simple few things and that’s all most woman really need.
3. Walk through the park and stopping for ice cream afterwards, going to the amusement park, hiking, biking, or just a casual time together in a nice location.
Comments: First dates are a way to get to know each other, it is not time to impress the person, it is time to be yourself, and get to know each other, to see if there is enough attraction and chemistry to go out again. If the first date, you try to impress the person, with the “expensive” things, where do you go when you really do want to make the impression, if and when things work out. Be yourself, you can plan many nights without “breaking the bank. It just means you may have to be a little creative.
This is my beef on behalf of all the serious daters out there. There is a great feature on Jretromatch that most members do not take advantage of and that would greatly ease the frustrations of the matchmakers and members. Next to your picture on the main page is a status button. This allows you to change your status from available to busy or out of town. That way you will not get matches when you are too busy to date or unavailable saving the matchmakers and the members you are matched up with a lot of frustrations. I don’t understand why someone would accept match right before going on vacation or before a huge important test. In both cases you will not be able to give 100% of yourself and actually give this match a try. I personally think a lot of great matches end up fiddling away because one of the members is not available and the member who is gets tired of waiting.
When you are ready to receive matches again just change your status back to available. Save a lot of frustrations by the matchmakers and members just by doing a simple click
Most of the world is average looking. I see things as a bell curve with not so good looking people on one end and the most beautiful people on the other. Saying that the chances are most of the matches you will get will be average looking people who may or may not come across as being attractive to you. How many of us know of people who are good looking (maybe we are one of these people) who no matter what picture is taken, they never look so great. Maybe the person’s profile that you just got falls into that category. Maybe you should look further into the profile and not just stop at the picture.
The funny thing about attraction is that it is not solely based on looks. How many of you have either met or been on a date with a pretty hot person who at first glance you were attracted to only later after speaking to them for more then a few minutes realize that this person is not for you. If attraction was solely based on looks that person should have surely been your match but they weren’t. Saying that I think it is only fair that when a matchmaker sends you a great match but the person looks may not be perfect it still may be worth a second look. If you look at couples all around you see that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What maybe attractive to you is not to someone else and once again that is not only based on looks but also the persons personality.
How many of you met someone who you thought you would never be attracted to but slowly over time the attraction grew? This is one of the hardest things about online dating in that it only represents a 2D view of someone (which is way your profile is so important!). If you first inclination is to decline based solely on looks , maybe come back to the profile a day later and look at it again. Ask a matchmaker a question about the person or why they chose this person for you. You maybe very surprised in the end with your results
I know this is a subject that no one really wants to consider, and one that has been discussed before. But, it should be, spoken about again. Sometimes it is very difficult to meet someone in your own community, especially depending on where you are living. Relocation is very difficult, but if you want to meet someone, you may have to consider all options.
Think about it, if you where on vacation and met someone that you felt was the right person, would you think twice about pursuing the relationship? Probably not. Some things to think about for all of you.
Depending on who the higher earner is, maybe the other person can make the move. Or who has the career that they can find another position for similar amount of earning potential? For some communter marriages work for awhile as well.
Just keep your options open.
Some of us out there are very open people and love to share. This goes for both men and women. A lot of people out there will scare away potential matches just based on what they talked about either in the first phone call or first date. Here I am going to make a list of subjects that in my opinion should NEVER be talked about on the first date/phone call.
1. EXs- This person you are meeting does not know you and does not need to hear all about your ex (spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend). I know that it maybe something on your chest that you want to get off but complaining /whining on a first date is a real turn off. No one wants to hear it.
2. Work problems or any other grievances you have with the world- You are going out on the date to be able to get to know each other and not to hear about each others problems. No one wants to date someone who always complains or has loads of problems. Instead of talking about yourself, ask them a question about them and comment on what they said.
3. Sex- I know I was quite shocked when I heard from some of my members that their match brought up the subject of sex on the first date. Sex is not something that should be brought up on the first date. I know it is an important part of your relationship but trust me it can wait until the relationship starts to develop.
One of the biggest complaints by both men and women is that either the match never asked them questions and sat silently or only talked about themselves. Remember a conversation entails two people talking and asking each other questions. Have some questions ready if you feel that you might be to nervous to converse easily.
I truly believe that most people out there do not give each match a true chance to see if thinks will work out. You show up to the date and right away you think he/she is not cute enough, not smart enough, and not rich enough. I don’t know about you but I hated first dates and never truly felt that I can be myself. Unless there was something seriously wrong with this guy I always went out on a second date. By the way a date doesn’t mean a huge 4 hour dinner, movies and dancing. I think the first date should be at a cafe, somewhere where you can sit and talk to get to know each other without the worry of a huge bill. Ok so the first date wasn’t so hot but maybe he/she was nervous or was not having the best day. I truly believe that at least one more date will give you the clarity to see if it is worth continuing to see this person. The second date is usually more comfortable since you have already met once and the conversation usually will roll much more easily.So the next time you go out on your first date, remember to give it one more try.
You had a bad marriage, or relationship that you are now afraid of dating. Or, you are meeting people, but feel you have lost your confidence, because of this experience. What should you do?
When you are out on a date, you feel you may not be able to show who you really are. It may be time to speak to someone about this. Don’t be afraid to get help. The longer you take the more difficult it will be, and the dating experiences may just get worse.
Speak with friends for advise, and if that doesn’t work, it may be that you do need to speak to a professional. One phone call may give you the help you need to move on with your life, don’t wait.
Are you really ready for the world of…I really mean the world. You never know where you will meet your future spouse, you may be traveling, the person next door, fixed up with someone, in a club, a meeting, or wherever. But let yourself go, distance, what is distance when you are trying to meet your spouse. Don’t just limit yourself to a few miles from where you live. Yes it is difficult to date and maintain a relationship far away from that person. But it is done, and for some it is there only way to meet there spouse. So go the distance, you just never know.
Look at the positive, you may just spend some great time seeing communities and cities that you never thought you would, maybe even another country.
Try to be yourself, don’t take on the other person’s interests unless you will enjoy them as well. Would you really jump out of the plane, if you are afraid of heights? Nothing wrong with trying new things and experiences, but if you are not interested be honest with each other. Any new relationship, and long term one, honesty is always best.
We all have this amazing picture in our mind of meeting that perfect someone, having instant chemistry and falling madly in love right away. Though there are some people out there who say this has happened to them ( trust me they are few and far between), most of us need time to figure out if this person in front of us is someone we want to spend our days with.The problem usually comes when one person shows more interest then the second one. The one who is interested then becomes confused and doesn’t know where things stand. My advice when you get into this sort of situation is first to give things a little time. If you have just gone out maybe one or two dates and haven’t had much contact, it probably just means he/she needs more time to see if their interest will grow. If things haven been a little while and you are not sure where they stand, then it is time to open the communication channels and talk about it. Don’t start telling the person you want to marry them! But do let them know that you are interested in taking things to the next level and being more serious. Express what you would like to see happen next and see their response. If you are not comfortable talking to them then this is a warning sign in my book since open communication is 100% necessary in a relationship. In my personal experience, conversations of this nature will either make or break things and make it clearer as to where things stand. This is usually the point where you get closer with someone or you realize that they are not for you.In any case, figuring out if someone is interested or not is not always the easiest thing. Lucky for you on Jretromatch you have us matchmakers who can help by talking to them and finding out where they stand.