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 Being a scientist, I love to look at things with a scientific eye every once in awhile. I remeber when I first heard of the love hormones called Phermones. These are hormones excreted by animals as well as humans when they are in “love”. I thought I would bring a little article about the chemistry of love that I found on line that talks about the role that different nerotransmitters play in love. The link is as follows for the whole article, I will just paste part of it.

The Chemistry of Love

There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you’re in love. Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we’re in long-term relationships. Of course, estrogen and testosterone play a role in the sex drive area (see How Sex Works). Without them, we might never venture into the “real love” arena.That initial giddiness that comes when we’re first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we’re releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the “pleasure chemical,” producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist and well-known love researcher from Rutgers University, together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. She also says, “The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and … men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature.”

Researchers are using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to watch people’s brains when they look at a photograph of their object of affection. According to Helen Fisher, a well-known love researcher and an anthropologist at Rutgers University, what they see in those scans during that “crazed, can’t-think-of-anything-but stage of romance” — the attraction stage — is the biological drive to focus on one person. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine — associated with states of euphoria, craving and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love “obsess” about their partner.

Lee Ann Obringer.  “How Love Works”.  February 12, 2005  http://people.howstuffworks.comlove6.htm  (August 30, 2007)

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This is the time of year that we all reflect on our lives. Where we are, what improvements we want to make, and how we should look and approach the future.

It is also the time, that so many Jewish Single’s will sit in synagogue, and think, how nice it would be to have a spouse this time next year. Well, this is possible. It is time to take dating seriously if you haven’t been. Maybe this is the year, to take it upon yourselves to make it your priority.

Network, join on-line sites, go to single’s events. But, you have to take it seriously and follow-up. Don’t just expect that once you have been matched with someone or, a friend highly recommends someone to you, that unless you contact this person and make the initial steps, they will not be part of your future.

You have to contact them, speak to them, go out with them to see if they are for you. Work, your friends, your gym, your daily activities will all still be there, but unless you make a real effort your future partner will just be part of your dreams.

If you are serious, then this is the perfect time, with Rosh Hashanah just weeks away, make a decision and stick to it.

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This seems to be a repeated theme lately on both sides of the fence. Finally get a mutually approved matched and your phone numbers are exchanged. I would assume you are excited to be in touch and one of the members makes the effort to call and only gets the machine. The other member doesn’t return messages for whatever countless reasons. Alternatively, you spoke once for a brief time and said you would speak again soon. That soon turns into weeks and the person who is making the calls is tired of chasing after someone who shows no interest.

Common courtesy tells me that if you are not interested in the other person either close the match or let us matchmakers know so we can do it for you. Trust me the person will be much happier in the end that you never spoke then having to chase you down.

If you are interested and you find yourself as one of those people who are returning calls, ask yourself why? Ok so you work 12 hours a day and are to tired in the evening to speak to someone for an hour. That is why I think first phone calls should be short and just make plans to meet for coffee.

The next time you find yourself not returning calls, either pick up that phone right away or drop us a line to let us know you are busy or uninterested.

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This is a subject that we have discussed before, and it keeps coming up while speaking with everyone.

Men: You want to have children, so you wait around for someone under 40 to meet as we know that over 40 chances are that a woman may not have a healthy child. Problem you are in your late 40′s or 50′s and most woman won’t date over 8-10 years.

Woman: You are in your 40′s and still would like to have children, but the men turn you down as you are a few years to old. Or you don’t accept matches of the men that say they don’t want children

Situation: For everyone, time to make decisions. Do you continue to wait for the person that you can be with, and also try to have a child? As you are waiting, you are also getting older.

Solution: Time to reconsider your options and really think. Is the child worth sacrificing a life of being by yourself for? Is a child worth, not taking a chance with someone who may be perfect in all all ways? You never know how your life will end up. You may finally meet someone who you think that you can have a child with and never be able to, would you give this person up?

Children are important, and yes I do have them. I have the real blended family, 2 adopted and 2 step-children. 10 years ago would I have thought this, never. I always thought I would have a biological child, but circumstances or maybe G-D brought me other children instead. I love them as I would have my own biologically. They are my children.

You never know what is meant to be. Don’t loose out on a great future, just because you think the person, is to old, to young, does/doesn’t want children. What we want in life can change, don’t be so stubborn and open yourself up just a little. You may truly still find happiness, but most important you may find LOVE.

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Most of us can remember the song from
Greece that Danny and Sandy sing about their summer fling. Each person viewed the relationship differently and in the end when the summer was over so was the fling.  Now that summer is almost over and the Jewish holidays are coming very quickly, it is time to buckle down and do some serious soul searching.

Why haven’t you found a great gal or guy? Are you sending the wrong signals? Are you letting people know you are open and interested? Or are your words saying one thing but your body language saying something else? Are you looking for the wrong things? Are you stuck in a pattern of dating the wrong people only to get hurt time and time again?

It is time to step back and revaluate what you are looking for and what steps you are taking to find that perfect match. If you are only online looking for dates or only hoping that friends will suggest someone to you, you might want to think about expanding your search to other venues. Try playing co-ed sports, go to an interesting lecture, put your profile on dating sites like ours or go to singles events. Don’t expect Mr. or Mrs. Right to fall on your doorstep.

Working on yourself and growing is also an important part of finding a life partner. It is better to come into a relationship a stronger person then having to deal with it later. I am a big believer in therapy and I highly suggest getting some help if you find that you are not able to get close to someone or are afraid to commit.  Also as a previously mentioned there is great reading material out there for people looking to improve themselves.

Good luck!

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Okay men, time to get real. Time’s have changed and so has the age for woman to be able to get pregnant. I know that so many of you send me the statistic’s of a woman over 40 and what there chances are for having a child, or one without “problems”.

Modern technology is out there. How many families have been started this way. Or the options, if you really want a child, and together you find yourself not capable, there are plenty of children who need a great home.

You may meet someone who is under 40, and together you may not be able to have a child. or, you can fall in the category of men who are in there late 40′s – 50′s looking for woman under 40 because you want a child, and will continue to wait. Wait and still stay single, because reality is most woman won’t date over the 8 year age difference.

So why not take your chances, open yourself up to woman who yes, still want to have children who are over 40. You may meet, and within the year be having your child together. Or, wait the year and still find yourself single.

Life has risks, so want not take one more in your life. Don’t wait around for someone under 40, because as you are waiting, you to are getting older.

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You meet someone, and the first few weeks/months are exciting, you are constantly trying to do things for each other, impress each other, you are keeping the relationship ALIVE.

But after a while you start feeling that the relationship may not have the same “spark” as it did at the beginning, is it that the relationship isn’t working out? Not all all. But, by this point you are realizing that you are both falling into a routine. Where you may have constantly been together now, you have to go back to reality, work, friends and family.

How are we to keep the relationship alive. Even in marriage, the sparks can go out.

You want to find ways to be spontaneous, plan nights out together. It can be a romantic getaway or just a walk in the park. Give each other a romantic card, and plan a evening around it. Maybe just go for ice cream, or a nice dinner.

The main thing is, try not to get caught up in the daily routine and forget about each other, make time together. This is especially important if there are children involved in the relationship from a previous marriage. You may want to include the children in everything to get to know them and for them to know you. Make sure you have alone time, without them as well.

Remember, the first steps to improving on this, is realizing that you need it, so go out and work to keep your relationsip ALIVE…

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On-line dating has become very popular, even in the Jewish Community. It is very easy to write anything you feel like on your profile, in a way of meeting someone. But my suggestion to you. Honesty.

Don’t misrepresent yourself. You are not doing yourself or the other person who is reading your profile, any favours. If you get responses from your profile you could end up meeting this person, why put them through phone calls, and possibly some dates only to find out things that you have said, or what your interests are, aren’t in fact the truth.

I recently heard that someone said they were growing religiously, willing to take on more, and they had there profile on a more religious site. They corresponded with someone, set her hopes up, and when they finally spoke and she asked him where he stood with religious, he stated he will not be. What happened, he had someone write his profile for him. This really hurt the woman, after setting hopes up for something in one phone call any possibility of something was gone.

Be honest with yourself, what you will and won’t want. If it is within your religious affiliation, or your likes/dislikes. As well, still keep in mind what you may or may not compromise on.

Don’t ruin this experience for someone, in some communities on-line dating is the only way a person can meet another Jew. Be fair and considerate. Hopefully through this process you can meet your future partner

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You have been going out with someone for awhile, and now comes the time to decide if this is worth putting yourself into the exclusive category, or, the possibility of engagment.

Remember a few things, decide if you can accept the few things that may not be perfect, as no one is . Can you accept this person the way they are, because you can not go into making a serious decision thinking you can change them.

Look at this person, for who they are and decide if this is who you can see yourself with through good, bad, tradegies in life, and maybe some rough times ahead, if you can answer yes to this, then maybe you are ready to take the relationship to the next level.

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You must speak to each other., go out and let as they say “nature take it’s course”. Be open and honest with each other throughout these first weeks where you want a relationship to go, and expectations so that you know if you are on the same “page”. But talk things through, and really discuss what you want out of a relationship. After a few dates you should know if it is worth pursuing anything with this person

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