Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

CAT | Jewish singles

I would like you to do a little exercise. Take a piece of paper, and fold it in half. Okay, now, on each side write down the 5 things that you are looking for in a partner, and on the other side the 5 things that you will not accept in one.

Now really look at your list, and put it in you back pocket, or even put it away. Still look at the list occassionally, but note the following.

Is the person you want to meet, will they be there for you in tragedy? If you put down certain physical traits, after a few children, and age, will that physical trait still be around, will they still love me in not? If they loose there job, will they be willing to take any type of position, even if it is a “little beneath them” to make a living?

This are just a few examples of things you should ask yourself.

There is a typical “story” when discussing dating. There is one guy who is so attractive and has alot of money, and the other guy who is not so handsome, is working but financially things are pay check to pay check. Which one would you pick?

Well, what happens if you find out the the first one got is money from stealing? The second, is hard working and then through a tradegy in life he will be so supportive and there for you every step of the way. Who will be the better person in the end, well to me the second one, no doubt.

Remember, money isn’t everything, it helps but it doesn’t make a good marriage. Looks, change over time, you won’t have so much free time to head to the gym once you have a family, or after a few children. Don’t necessarily look at the person for there physical traits, yes there has to be attraction, but what will remain through all, is the character of the person, what is inside, that is what you have to look at for, that is what will keep you going through life.

So really look at that list, and decide what is it that is really important in the long run, for you and your family. Now go out and meet someone, and this time, forget about your list.

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Are you playing fair, in Jewish Dating? Do you meet and go out with so many people at the same time? While you are dating one, still go out with others? Or while dating on-line, speak to someone, and enjoy the person, but will close up the match in order to receive others, while still be in touch with that person.

Be fair. Yes it is okay to go out with more then one person at a time, but give that person a chance. I would say the 3 date rule. If it reaches that, then maybe it is time to consider if this person has potential, and give them a chance, and some time. Don’t continue to be looking for someone else.

Maybe that is one of the reasons why you are still single, stop and take the time to get to know the person, before you are rushing off to meet the next one. Dating is serious, by doing this you are not being fair to the person, or yourself. Stop and think before you “move” onto the next.

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This is something that really bothers me. I know we all want to find someone and make a good impression in our profiles but LYING about our age, height, weight etc.. will get you nowhere. There is nothing more frustrating then meeting up with someone and they are not who they said they are. I am not saying that you shouldn’t put up your best picture online but a picture of you 20 pounds lighter and 10 years younger is not fair. That is not how you look like now and you will only disappoint the other person when you meet up. What could of been a great match, most times can never be because the person who meets you feels like you are a dishonest person. I know what some of you are saying, that everyone is lying out there but that is not true and on Jretromatch we try hard to make sure people’s profiles accurately reflect who they are. So for all of you out there with some little or big fibs in your profile, maybe it is now time to fix them up.

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Are you nearing 40 or over 40 – still single and very frustrated?

Yes it is difficult, and frustrating, but don’t blame yourself, the other men/woman, the sites or the dating scene. If you are doing everything you can to meet someone, and really feel you are being realistic on your goals and expectations of the person you want to meet, then continue to do what you have to, to meet your partner.

I know, I was 40 when I got married, and I dated, did the single’s scene, not the bar scene, but finally I met and married my partner, my best friend. So I can relate. When the right person comes along, it will happen. So don’t give up if this is what you want.

But I also want to make a recommendation. Be happy with yourself, and who you are. Enjoy yourself as being single as well. This will come off when you do meet someone, and start to date.

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I wanted to clarify a point about the matches. As matchmakers we do take pride in trying to make the best fit matches for each member. Sometimes we are more successful then other times.

Lets say you get a match and you are not so sure about it. What are somethings you can do before giving an answer either way.

1) You can always get information about why the matchmaker thought it was a good match. It could be she knows something you don’t which makes her feel it is a great match.

2) You can put the match on hold and take time to think about it.

I think some of you out there feel pressured at times to accept matches that we make thinking we would get insulted if you decline. I assure you this is not the case. I would rather someone decline the match and tell me why they don’t think it is a good idea, then accept it and never call that person. Too many people are accepting matches that they are not willing to give a chance

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Have you ever noticed when you are alone the things you say to yourself without thinking? “I’ll never get married,” or “Why would anyone ever find me attractive?” are both examples of negative self talk.

Try to be more positive in your day to day routine, this will come out in the way you feel about yourself, and in the end the way you project yourself with others. 

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This is a big issue for many of us. There are some people out there and I find some men especially divulge to much to early. This is usually the case with people who are divorced and they just start harping about their exs on dates. This is a big no no. I am not saying to be dishonest and not tell the truth but there is some information that does not need to be revealed at the beginning of relationships or ever in my opinion.

Here are some topics to stay away from:

1) Details of how bad your ex was. If it is an ex-wife/husband or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend it doesn’t matter. No one wants to hear how mean, vicious etc.. they were to you. True I understand you want to share what happened to you but save this stuff for when you have truly built a relationship and the sharing will only bring you closer. Still at this point how you say it will count.

2) Details of your past sex life. Big turn off to hear about how many partners you had and what experiences you did. This is not information that ever needs to be revealed unless your partner really wants to know in the future.

3) Messed up family home. You don’t need to go into the details of how your mother’s new husband wont allow your mom to come to visit. Most of us have a bit of a crazy family but you dont need to go into the details of it.

I think you get the point that our baggage needs to be stored away when we date and how and when we speak about it can determine if we match up with someone or not.

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This is a big issue with dating. To tell you the truth at the beginning of my dating career I also thought I could only go out with someone who like me had a post graduate degree. After all what could I have in common with someone who only had a vocational degree or never went to college?

There is truth in the matter that chances are if you are in similar levels of education you might have more chances of having things in common but there are exceptions and in this category I think there are more exceptions then most people think. Taking a quick survey of people I know, almost half are married to men who either do not have a full college degree or have a vocational degree. Each of these women, myself included, are highly educated with at least a master’s degree and from very respectable universities. All of us have one thing in common, we were able to overlook our husband’s degree and see them for who they really are. I am not saying that someone who comes from the little town in the middle of nowhere who never traveled and doesn’t have much life experience would be a good match for someone who grew up in NYC but sometimes you need to look beyond that little paper.

There are some circumstances out there and types of people who don’t fit the college mold. Take a very creative and artistic person. I have a wonderful friend like this who tortured herself tremendously try to go to university and fit her art into a box. It was hard for her and it took all her might to succeed but not everyone like her chooses to stick with it. Trust me she is a very smart woman. Also there are people who have family businesses and have been running them with their family since they were kids. They have so much real world experience that college becomes almost obsolete. There are also the people who are extremely intelligent but have a lot of problems with college. They are usually not straight thinkers but very creative and intuitive.

The point I am trying to get to is that education level does not automatically mean this person is a match for you or is intelligent. Try not to always dismiss matches sent with lower education levels and ask us matchmakers why we think it is such a great match.

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Tonight for all Jews Yom kippur starts. Some of us will be fasting and most of us will be using this as a day to reflect on where we are, what we have become and where we are going in our lives.  I also think it is a great time to rethink about our dating lives. What steps have we taken to find someone new, what efforts have we made and what can we do better next year. Also what about rethinking about that long list that we are looking for in a match and maybe starting to realize we need to look beyond some of those. I just heard great news that we had another engagement here on Jretromatch and you know what he almost messed things up by letting her go at first because she wasn’t X,Y or Z. Now there is a happy ending and there can be a happy ending for you as well!

Here’s hoping you find that great match in the new year!

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I recently read something and I thought it would be worth sharing.

What are the 3 things to look for in a Man -

His Cups – His Pockets – His Temper

1. His Cups. What happens when he drinks a little? Does he get mean, or sweet or loving.

2. His Pockets.  Is he stingy or generous, and this has nothing to do if he has or hasn’t have money. Is he willing to help other’s or only spend on himself?

3. His Temper. Does he raise his voice, loose his temper easily, make little comments to you, that are not really appropriate. How does he react in a restaurant when he is brought a meal that is to cold, or not to his satisfaction?

These are all small ways to judge someone. For the men, I am sure you can use the same theory when you meet someone as well.

So keep this in mind when you are dating.

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