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Okay another year is here, for some they think of this situation around Rosh Hashanah and now again. I am alone.
Well, what can we do. Look at what you did over the past year to meet someone. Did you really do all you could have? Did you really consider every aspect of dating. Internet, network, blind dates..speed dating….did you really make an effort when someone was suggested to you.
Or, are you so set on how the person should be, and being unrealistic with what you want in a relationship?
Think,will another year go by and you you will ask yourself the same questions? Or make this year one that will count, and do everything you can to meet the person.
3 words that mean so much – but what are they really?
Some people like to hear them, other’s need you to show it. It is nice to hear it, but don’t unless you really mean it. When you do, say it to the person that you plan on spending your life with.
Then you will continue to say and show it for the rest of your life. They are an amazing 3 words, and they are so special when you really mean it. So go out, find someone to love, and spend time showing them, meaning it, and have fun.
Dating on-line is very difficult, and for some, depending on where you live, or your crazy schedule’s the only way to meet someone.
I hear so many people saying “I think I am in love” when they haven’t even met the person. Try not to get caught up in the phone or on-line relationship. Until you actually meet you will not know if you really are “in love”.
I remember a 6 week phone relationship, I thought this was it. We had so much in common, where looking for the same things in a marriage, religion, everything was perfect. Or so I thought, I figured I would fly out to meet him, and know that I was meeting for future spouse ( oh, why was I doing the flying, friends had fixed us up, so I figured it was easier this way, and I could stay with them, then finding a place for him in my community).
Well, he walked in, and there was no chemistry, for both of us. Looking back, was it a waisted 6 weeks, not at all, I learned a few things, and got to have a great weekend away with my friends.
But I also learned, not to get caught up in the phone calls. The next time, I took it a little easier, and was more realistic. ( and yes there were other long distance relationships).
When I think back to my many years of dating – (getting married at 40 for the first time, I really can say this). I try to figure out ways to help other single’s. What am I doing?
I am always trying to meet people of all ages, and I keep my mind open when I am speaking….mmm maybe I know someone for this person….
I want to try to fix them all up, but there is a problem. Not knowing how to network more, where to find the single’s, yes you keep meeting them, I have so many woman, and not enough men. I have even called other matchmakers, left messages and never heard back.
Maybe it is time we stop thinking about the “number’ game, how many people can we fix up, and instead all work together to just get people matched up. Look to do more for the single’s, run programs, in religious communities have Single’s Shabbos meals, get the communities involved in single events. Network.
But I think, most important, as we all get married, and still have single friends, don’t forgt about them. Still keep in touch, get together with them, we may not have as much in common with them anymore, but they were once our friends and should continue to be so!
You are ready to date, either after a divorce, relationship that just ended, or young and you are starting out in the dating world.
Feel good about yourself, if you are acting desperate, you will appear that way.
If you are confident and feeling great, then that is how you will appear to the other person.
Be happy with who you are, and try to take positive attitude about everything, when you look, act and feel happy, then you will be
- Pictures don’t always do someone justice, it is better to review the profiles and accept or decline from what is written.
- Does it hurt to speak with someone on the phone; you never know who your match will be?
- Flexibility – try to be a little more…dating is difficult but if you limit yourself to postal/zip codes, you probably won’t meet.
- What you may consider to be your ideal match won’t be. Especially as we get older, try to be a little more open minded and honest with yourselves, if you aren’t serious then don’t put someone through the hardache.
Lets talk, as a matchmaker on a on-line site, what can I see as some of the advantages to this.
Well, we are there to screen the profile’s and the person, and then make matches not only from the profile’s but also from the interactions from the members. We are a voice to speak with – either through email or letting us know and we can call you. Are you having questions about the person, want an unbiased opinion on how the dating is going, or just need someone to speak with to help guide you through the dating process?
As a matchmaker, we are there for you, we don’t only make the matches, we follow through after, how things are going. If we see you haven’t logged in, then a call is made to see how things are going, or let you know that there are matches being made in the network for you to have a look.
If you are being totally unrealistic in what you are expectations are, we will speak with you about this as well. In the end you make the final decisions, but the help is there if you want it.
So lets’ forget the traditional role of the “Yenta” matchmaker, we still could be, but we are also around for you as support, to guide you, and for what you choose our position to be.
So lets work together, and hopefully we can help to find your soul-mate, your Beshert.
You put you information on-line for all to reveiw. What ever site you are on, if you are working with a matchmaker, or doing you searching on your own. Let’s be honest.
What ever information you are writing, make it accurate, what are you out to prove? The idea is to meet someone, is the first step to meeting, trying to cover the deceit? Be honest. In the end you will only be hurting yourself.
I am tired of trying to “fix’ the deceit. Members not being honest, and hurting others. I am tired of hearing the excuses, well I look younger then I am, I am really not that weight, my height is 5’3″, write the truth. If you are looking for the right person, then don’t you want them to know you for who you really are?
Be honest, you will go alot further, and you are not hurting someone when they find out the truth.
We have spoken about first dates, and some good places to go, now lets discuss eating out. You decide to go out for a meal. A few things to remember.
What not to order:
Pasta is okay, but stay away from Spagetti, it can get messy to eat.
Sandwiches – nothing real thick and juicy
Ribs or Chicken: Eating with your fingers, well not early on in the dating.
Drinking: If you order water, this may put the other person at a disadvantage if they wanted a soft drink ( soda, or pop, depending on where you come from) so maybe order both.
Wine, maybe discuss this, and order for both. Don’t go with the bottle, one of you may drink a little too much and that wouldn’t be to good.
Try to find a place that would be enjoyable for both, may offer a few choices just in case. Remember in Jewish Dating, don’t assume you know if the person will or won’t eat out unless it is kosher, so discuss this ahead of time. You don’t want to get to a restaurent and find out that your date will be ordering the salad, because she doesn’t eat out.
When planning you date, discuss ahead of time. It will be better in the end.