Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

CAT | Jewish singles

Okay dating may not be the simpliest thing out there, but you have to go through it in order to meet your spouse. What can you do to make it a little easier. Do things you enjoy doing – at least if you don’t get along you can make the best of the evening.

Don’t plan an elaborate first date – go for coffee, this way if things don’t go well, it is just a couple of hours and not such an expensive “date”.

Make the best of it, and as I always say - network. But don’t complain to your date about your experience’s with dating – unless you can put humour into it..

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When we look at dating, what is the reason for this? Ask yourself, are you looking for a partner for life or someone to have fun with, without the responsibilities of making a real committment?

When you wait so long or have your priorities to the financial gain, or employment, you may miss out on so much. As we get older it is just more difficult to meet someone for the committment, or when you finally “wake-up” you realize that those eligible and suitable men/woman are not available or have so much baggage.

We have to overcome these challenges and accept that life is what it is, not imaging it as what we want it to be. Look at yourselves and be realistic. I always say when you are only really happy with yourself, can you meet someone, as you can open yourself up to a successful relationship.

If you see you are not going anywhere in a relationship, or have unrealistic expectations, maybe it is time to speak to someone and work these things out. Change the “pattern”, and hopefully you will meet the right person.

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Nerds – this is a strange topic, but could be an interesting one.

We are all looking for the ideal match – does it really exist? A friend once told me, that you are better off to find someone who is 10-20% nerd, WHY? That person will be open to a little change, and together you can work out what that is.

So go for it, it may work for you

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Okay you need some help. Ask away that is what we are also for. But please remember,we can only do so much. We can make suggestions, add comments to why we think this is a good match, we can email them again if one person accepts and feels they would really like to meet, we are there for advise..

 But please remember – we are only the shaliach – the messeger. We can not make someone accept a match. We can not change what someone is convinced they are looking for. We can try to make the person a little more realistic, but remember we can not make miracles, only try to.

Please, I  know it is easy to put the blame on someone, but there is not much we can do when it comes to making someone say yes or no.

Some quideline.’s Really ensure that your profile is very clear of they type of person you are looking for - Distance – with/without children – what you are or aren’t willing to compromise on. But be open, you never know where you will meet, when or how.

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Some simple advise if you really want to get married>

Don’t date for the sake of dating – if you are older and ready for marriage then look for marriage. Make it very clear to the person that is what you are looking for. Stay positive, if you aren’t everyone can pick up on this. Change your attitute, if you are happy with who you are,  then this will come forward when you are meeting people. Be more open about dating, it may mean lowering some of your expectations. Look and figure out why you are not married yet, maybe these expectations are so unrealistic. Be honest with yourself, and really network, we have spoken about his before, let everyone you know, and even those you don’t – you never know how or where you will meet your partner

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You have been dating someone for quite some time. You can’t decide if this person is the love of your life, or is it time to end things. You can’t live with them or without.

Well, I always say no person is perfect. But after a while you figure out is it something you can or can’t live with? Look at all the positive and negetive of the relationship, even if it means writing it down so you physically “see” what they are. Do the comparison. Look at what you wrote.

But don’t keep thinking, things will change, they probably won’t, so if you can’t handle it, then time to end the relationship. Don’t keep waiting around to see what will happen, you just continue to get older, and it will be harder to get back into the “dating scene”

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If you are dating someone and still not sure, then you should continue to go out till you are, make sure before you end it, as this could be the person that could be your partner.

Sometimes it takes a few dates to really know if this person is for you, one date may not give you the “feeling”, it may take a few to feel the chemistry.

One phone call should not be the deciding factor if you should get together, people may not be comfortabel on the first call, or outside circumstances, bad day at the office may ruin the moment. Give it a little time, speak a few times, and if you are in the same city, try to get together, it only a few hours of your time, and this could be your partner that you are not giving the chance to meet.

Dating is a process, but remember you are trying to meet the person you will spend your furture with, take the time, don’t judge the person so quickly.

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I am going to give out a little dating advise.

Look at yourself, now ask a friend how they see you. When dating, and / or just meeting people in general, you may have some difficulty relating to people. You may also think you dress well, have style, look and act great. But maybe it is time, to really look at yourself and try to see what other’s do.

It may hurt a little, but it can help a lot. It may also mean for you to gain a little more confidence in yourself. Whatever it is, it may mean to “clean-up”. If you are not sure, we are willing to help. Ask your matchmaker what they think. If you continue to get matches and they get declined, maybe by just changing, updating, or “cleaning – up” this can change.

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You decide to set up a profile for on–line dating.  You have to put on your profile enough information that the person is going to be interested in you. When they read it, they should know a little about you, your work, your family life, what you enjoy doing in your spare time, some of your likes and dislikes. But, also what you are looking for in a partner. If you are religious, or not, let them know if you are open to taking on more, and exactly what you are willing to.

Don’t write a book, just enough that they will be interested to meet you.

Your matchmaker can only do so much, we can make the match, but if you are not clear in your profile, the match will not be accepted. If you are not sure about what you have put in your profile, then ask a friend, or discuss it with your matchmaker. just remember, we are there to help you. So if you are not sure about something, ask.

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Men: You are in your 40′s maybe in 50′s. You say you look younger then your years, so you only want to date woman who are younger. Yes you may be 42 and look in your 30′s but you have to remember, most people will agree, there is this 10 year rule. Most woman, will not date someone 10 years older. What about all those woman who are in there 40′s and 50′s looking young as well, why not date one of them?

Woman: Yes you may look younger, but the same, most men will not date woman years younger.

Just be realistic. You are still single, do you really want to get married? Or do you want to remain single? You may have to change these expectations – you never know who you are “refusing” to meet. It just could be your future spouse.

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