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We all know Jewish Dating is getting more difficult – at all ages. We speak about networking – what is the best source? Friends – help each other out – speak to your friends – acquaintances – and network. If they are not for you then maybe you can think of someone that they could be good for.
We can all become the matchmaker’s. What ever way you can try to help others as well – social circles are growing with technology – Facebook – LinkIn – and Twitter, if you have a database of your available friends, relatives co-workers who are single, help them out – check your personal database and see if you can also help to make the connection
This is a post from Essortment – Your source for knowledge and felt that it was worth sharing.
A long distance relationship takes hard work and commitment to grow and thrive. These tips will help keep your relationship strong even with thousands of miles in between you and your partner.
Tip #2: Communication is key – let the other person know how much you miss them and love them. With thousands of miles in between you and your beloved, it’s easy to become insecure, so try to nip that in the bud. Make the person know how much you care by telling them how much you love and miss them every time you speak.
Tip #3: Be there for the person in good times and bad times. The phrase “I’m only a phone call away” takes on new meaning to those in a long distance relationship. Whereas people in local relationships can see each other to celebrate their successes and reach out for a hug or shoulder to lean on when things do not go so well, people in long distance relationships need to provide that support on the phone. Be able to be reached when you say you will be, then listen and respond accordingly to the news you hear from the other end of the line.
Tip #4: Make the commitment. Long distance relationships are tough, so they definitely need the commitment of both parties in order to make it through the often long days and nights. While it can take a lot of work to make a long distance relationship work, remember that it is worth it because it could be your soul mate that you are talking to each night before you go to sleep.
Tip #5: Send old-fashioned letters and packages through the mail. Everyone loves to see personal mail in the mailbox instead of simply finding bills there day after day. Not only that, but it’s romantic to see the thoughts and emotions of your loved one spelled out in a card or a letter. Snail mail also gives you the opportunity to send care packages filled with your sweetheart’s favorite things, remembrances of you or a special day, or even inside jokes the two of you share. The use of old-fashioned mail gives your relationship a sense of romanticism that often is overlooked – plus, it’s fun!
Tip #6: Uncork the bottle. If something is bothering you, say it. Do not let it build up because it is noticeable on the phone or in notes if you are not 100% happy with something. Not dealing with problems directly always is tough, but in a long distance relationship that depends on honest and open communication, it is imperative to discuss these issues right from the start.
Tip #7: Use technology to your advantage. E-mails, text messages, and the advances in Web cameras really help long distance lovers stay close throughout the long spaces in between visits. E-mails and text messages allow you to send short notes of love and short updates on what you are up to in your hometown while the other person goes on with his/her day. The Web cam is a huge advancement for long distance relationships as it allows for the two of you to have face-to-face conversations as long as both of you have an Internet connection and a camera. Seeing your sweetheart’s facial expressions can often make what would have been a normal old phone conversation turn into an amazing meeting between the two of you. Remember to use these technologies to say “I love you” as often as possible.
Tip #8: Common interests give you topics to discuss. When you live in the same city, it is easy to find things to talk about because you constantly are sharing experiences. When you live apart, those shared experiences are few and far between. Common interests help both of you know that you will have something to chat about each time you get on the phone or see each other in person. If you enjoy hockey, encourage your loved one to watch a game or two with you, then this could be another shared interest for the two of you. If your significant other decides to pick up tennis while you live apart, sign yourself up for some lessons and you may just find yourself to be an ace on the court and off!
Tip #9: Make the other person remember how great you are! Talk about the good things about your life and remind your loved one about how great you are. If you wear your favorite outfit to the office and know that you looked fabulous, tell your significant other about how super you looked in that outfit that both of you like so much; chances are your better half will hear this and smile with memories of how you always look good wearing that outfit. If you do something great, share it – it is easy to share the bad times with your partner, but be sure to include that person in on all the good times, too. This will remind him or her about the wonderful person on the other end of the phone call and make the desire to see you in person even greater.
Tip #10: Plan visits. Nothing can take the place of a visit from your partner who lives far away. Plan the visit, then make sure that person gets all the quality time he/she deserves during that time (for example, do not plan a night out with the girls the night your boyfriend arrives). Be sure to enjoy each other’s company when you are together because this is a major part of what will keep your relationship alive during the weeks, months, or years apart.
Following these tips may not make your long distance relationship perfect, but it should help you make the best of your time apart” “and keep your relationship on solid footing until you two are lucky enough to end up in the same city. Good luck!
If you feel you haven’t moved forward on a relationship in some time – maybe you should look at that relationship and ask yourself why? What was missing and was it something that you could have changed.
Ask yourself a few questions and even write them done. Why would someone want to marry you? What can you give or offer someone to have a relationship with you? How can you do to stay in relationship, remember you can only really change yourself – you can’t change someone else.
By answering these questions and really being serious with what you write down, maybe this can be the first steps to coming closer to a better relationship. Try to understand who you are – and what you are looking for. You have to be serious – and open to compromise, but more so, be realistic. It may mean for you to take a hard look at yourself, before you can move forward.
So many people wonder why they are not getting matched up. Could part of it be their dating profile?
Your profile is going to be what makes you stand out over someone else. Show a side of your personality, who you are and what makes you just a little different then the others. If you are more of the serious type, humorous, enjoy reading the classic novels this can be a way to show the other person what and who you are. Be creative, funny, like adventure say what you have done,
“come explore with me the four corners of the world,
lets take in bike riding in Europe,
hand-gliding over the sea, or swimming with the dolphins”,
Obviously only if this is something that you enjoy doing. Be realistic, if you are the quiet type that likes to stay at home with a good book, don’t say that you love to go out. You want to positive, don’t talk about the baggage or past relationships. Mention what you are hoping to find in a partner, sincere, caring and compassionate, or someone who has some spark - or a little on the “rough around the edges” If you are religious then to what level – and things that you will or won’t compromise on.
You also want your profile to be clear – without typos, or spelling mistakes – if English is not your first language then ask a friend to help you out.
Remember as well: The photo’s you want it to be recent – show a head shot, full body shot and then another one that shows a side to your personality – family oriented, adventurous, sports….
Have fun with it – take your time – and if in doubt have someone review it.
Hope this helps a little
Thought I would share this with you:
A few thoughts on how to better navigate the dating scene.
1. Be Open
At a singles gathering I approached a woman I know and asked if she would go out with a young man standing across the room. I had previously met him and knew him to be considerate, intelligent and a working professional.
As we spoke, her friend walked over and interjected her opinion.
“Him?” she said. “Ugh. I would never let you date him! He is a total TWOT”.
“A TWOT?” I asked. “What’s a TWOT?”
She looked at me and explained. “A TWOT is a Total Waste Of Time”.
They walked away and no introduction was made. Maybe nothing would’ve come out of their meeting, who knows? But I wonder how many dates never happen because of a dismissive remark from a friend, a rolling of the eyes, or a look of contempt. How often does someone share information that does not allow another to accept a date? Just because this person was not right for you does not mean that he or she would not be right for your friend. Your sarcastic remark or casual putdown just ruined it for someone else.
Don’t allow the views of another to prevent you from finding love. Be open to meeting new people even if your friends don’t believe this is the right one for you. Make an effort to break out of the box you have put yourself in. If you keep on dating the same type of personality without success, ask yourself if now is the time to be open to meeting a different sort of individual. Maybe you are stuck with an unrealistic picture of who your soul mate is.
2. Be Positive about Yourself
Torah teaches us “Love others as you love yourself.” Loving yourself is not a selfish love. It means that you are aware of your strengths and you know that you can make a difference in this world. Building strong relationships with another person begins when we have built a solid relationship with ourselves. Don’t be overly harsh on yourself. Focus on your positive traits. Radiate confidence; it’s attractive. If you do not love and feel good about who you are, why would the person you are dating feel differently?
A very attractive career woman came to meet with me about finding her soul mate. She felt that she was doing something wrong in her dating life. As soon as we began our conversation, I noticed that she radiated a sadness and defeatist attitude whenever she spoke about her romantic prospects. It was as if she gave off a message that she did not think she would ever find her bashert. She was carrying years of baggage with her. Without realizing it, she had been broadcasting that she felt awful about her chances of finding true love. Men felt her negative vibes. It was almost as if she was saying, “You won’t want me, just like the rest of them.” By transforming her attitude, she would give herself a positive emotional makeover.
3. Pay Attention to Your Body Language
You’d be surprised at how many of us totally ignore the signals we send out through our body language and actions.
Here are some ideas to think about before you go on your next date.
Show that you are interested. Smile. Maintain eye contact. Don’t fidget with your hair. Turn off your phone and stop checking your texts. Don’t keep scanning the room to see who else is there. You will seem bored and disinterested. Dress up for your date-at least show that you care enough to be well groomed and not wear stained or wrinkled clothing. It’s not about being shallow; it’s about taking care of your teeth, your hair, your shoes, and the way you wish to transmit your persona.
4. Work on Communication Skills
Communicating is not just about talking, it is also about listening.
Some of us know how to tell over a really good story but we forget how to listen. Give the other person a chance to speak and offer their opinions. Watch that you are not constantly interrupting. If you do not agree with a point of view or feel strongly about your own opposing convictions, try not to let the conversation get heated through an acrimonious tone. Watch that you are not coming off as judgmental.
A shy person may find it more difficult to share emotions, but even if you are introverted, you can add to the conversation. Show your personality by sharing an exciting incident that happened to you or ideas that you are passionate about. These are ice breakers and wonderful ways to keep a conversation going. Ask questions-most people enjoy talking about their interests.
You may not feel that this person is for you, but you should attempt to try and get to know the person anyway. Acting as if we just want to go home leaves us with a lost opportunity to gain insight and understanding. We can grow richer from every encounter we have in life. We are taught this lesson so beautifully in Ethics of the Fathers: Ben Azzai used to say, “Do not be scornful of any person and do not be disdainful of anything, for you have no person without his hour and no thing without its place. “
5. Make Time, Make an Effort
You need to make dating a priority in your life. You may feel that you know everyone out there so what’s the point in going to this mixer or that class… but there is a point. Staying home and watching Downton Abbey or your favorite sports team will not help you on your quest for love. Get out of your comfort zone and embrace the moment. You never know who you will meet. Your soul mate may even be a friend of a friend whom you meet that night. Be positive about blind dates; wonderful marriages have been made despite the couple being introduced and not finding each other on their own. Effort means we don’t just try to fit our desire to get married into our busy life.
When we say that we struggle to find the time to date between our packed work, friends and gym schedule, it means that we haven’t made dating and marriage our number one goal.
Though we cannot always determine where life takes us, we can make sure that we try our hardest to navigate the road successfully. Taking a good look at ourselves and making real changes in both attitude and action can help us build a life filled with joy and blessing.
Understanding a little more of how the dating scene works today can also assist us in finding a suitable partner. Some people find that they have a steady group of people and continuously meet others. While there are those that just can’t seem to find the right person.
Some woman could be going a little overboard. In attempting to attract the men they become so obsessed with their appearance, the right outfit, or even the make-up they are wearing that they tend to forget who they are. Best way is to try to be as natural as possible, don’t overdue the make-up or outfit, be who you are.
You also want to keep conversation moving and don’t divulge everything about yourself. You want to keep in interesting that you can have more to speak about the next time. Ask questions from each other so the conversation can flow and you can find out enough about each other to see if there is interest to move forward.
Men don’t feel you have to spend so much on the first date; you don’t have to make such an impression. Staying casual and having a nice, relaxing place to speak is what you should look for. Not with the music blaring that you can’t even hear other. Leave the impressing for later on, if the relationship moves forward. But even then do things that you are interesting in and ask what she likes as well – so you can find things together to enjoy. Being creative doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. If you really can’t afford the extravagant plans don’t show her that, you also have to be realistic with each other.
For both – you want to show who you are, be up front and honest with each other, and be as a natural as possible.
In Jewish Dating – or dating in general we all get so worked up for the first date, and are quite nervous. The more you go out the easier it may get. But here are a few tips which can hopefully make it a little easier for you
1. Prepare yourself: Not necessarily of what you will do but first step is to get to know the person a little better. Spend a few times speaking on the phone, emailing, and if it is distance SKPEing. Ask questions that the information will lead to what you want to know about the person. The fact finding, or us some call it especially the first few calls – the airplance conversation, basic information about each other to keep the conversation going.
Once you see that you share the same thoughts on things that are important to you – family, fun, children, and religious outlook decide on a time and date to meet.
2. Place for First Date: Make it an open area, a place you can sit and have a cup of coffee ( or a drink) light meal, or can walk around. This is not the time to make a impression on how lavish you get get and being creative or how much money you spend. This is finding out if you have enough in common to go out again. Try to make it a place where you know the area, so you won’t get lost. If you are coming from completely different areas you may suggest meeting up at the spot .
3. Dress: Nice but don’t overdue it – men casual – woman if you know there is a chance to be walking wear suitable shoes. If you will be outdoors dress appropriately for the weather.
4. Time: If you meet and things go well – it would be perfect if you choose the time to beable to be together longer – but also decide what is suitable if things don’t go well. You don’t want to have a whole night of acitivities planned if things don’t go well. With time – make sure you are on time – and if you are late – call the person don’t text. Yes the way of modern technology is to text first – but what impression is this. As well if the phone is in a purse or a pocket the text may not be looked at.
5. On the actual date: If things are not going well – still be as respectful as possible – try to make the best of it. If the person is not your “look” or personality fine, but still be civil. You never know, the person can be for someone else that you may know. If you met through a on-line site like Sawyouatsinai or Jretromatch they even have a “button” on the match called suggest a match.
6. Ending the Date: End on a good note even if you are not for each other say something nice about each – be positive or don’t say anything at all. If you want to see each other – suggest to get together again and then call – if not don’t say you do but don’t follow-up.
7. Follow-up: If you enjoyed yourself and feel there is enough that you would like to go out again, next day send of an email. Very informal, just saying you enjoyed the time, and meeting you. For the guy - if you want to pursue the match then call within a few days. Don’t wait too long. Or if you see schedule is busy then at least email and mention this.
Just try to enjoy yourselves -
It is now the Jewish New Year. You are probably thinking….great another year has gone and I am still not married. But what real efforts have you made to make this happen? You may have gone out on a few dates, joined an on-line site, maybe networked a little with friends and family. Here is the question though – did you do all this and not really follow through on any of them?
You may be a member of a on-line dating site – are you religious, then Sawyouatsinai, or not so, Jretromatch. But did you really commit to it. When you received your matches – did you review in a timely matter – accept – did you call when the match was approved, how many days later? Or did you not really follow up on it? You may have called – but then not hear back so just decided that they where interested, or just not tried again. Did you let a few weeks go – then emailed them that you where to busy?
Well if this sounds like you – then you are not really taking dating serious. Dating is work – you have to commit to it, work on the relationship, and speak and go out. If you can’t do this – then you may not be ready for marriage either.
Lets make this year – your year – and if you are now sure how maybe speak to someone who can help quide you through the process
I thought I would share an article I came read recently about “Digital Dating” great tips that I hope will help you.
Six Rules for Digital Dating
Sage advice from Aish.com’s dating experts.
by Rosie Einhorn, L.C.S.W. and Sherry Zimmerman, J.D., M.Sc.
- “If he’s in Oregon and I’m in Chicago, can we have our first few dates over Skype before we decide to meet each other in person?”
- “When someone suggests a woman for me to date, I check her Facebook page before deciding yes or no. What do you think of this?”
- “I once texted a guy for six hours and felt we had an incredible connection. I never heard from him again. How can I keep this from happening the next time?”
- “How can I know someone I’m emailing is a safe person to date, or that he’s not married, in prison, or too socially awkward to ever meet?”
Technology has fundamentally altered the way we communicate. We can send messages, update our social network, and share in a world-full of information with one click of a mouse.
But all this comes at a price. Because we’re accustomed to communicating in 140 characters or less, we expect that an “instant” connection will lead to an instant relationship. What happens fast is often superficial, and we are losing the ability to develop a relationship gradually and move it to the next step.
Relationships that are meant to endure don’t instantly materialize. They take time to nurture and develop, and if we don’t have the tools and patience, a relationship that holds genuine promise will likely end up nowhere.
Daters who are serious about developing a meaningful relationship are advised to follow these six rules:
The attention directed toward your date has been shattered.
(1) No digital diversions. When you’re on a date, don’t text or email anyone, or answer a text or chat message. Your Blackberry or smartphone should be turned off and put out of sight. Similarly, keep your cellphone off (no, “silent mode” is insufficient). You may feel the need to be connected and available every moment of the day, but that prevents you from connecting to the person sitting across the table. If you allow these outside distractions to enter your “dating space,” the energy and attention that you’re supposed to be directing exclusively toward your date has been shattered. That’s bound to give a bad first impression – and build resentment at any stage of the relationship.
(2) No over-texting. Texting is a great way to say, “Bus running late. Meet u in 20 min.” It’s not a substitute for spoken communication. If our default communication is texts, tweets and Facebook posts, we might think we know a lot about the person and are growing closer.
This is a false sense of intimacy, because the texts and tweets don’t convey the sender’s tone or mood. We can’t really get to know someone without spending time together – sharing experiences, observing body language, facial expressions, and engaging in a face-to-face exchange of ideas and feelings. These are essential, intangible elements of social interaction. We don’t know if the personal chemistry is in sync, or if we are capable of having a real-time conversation.
Use texting only for short messages about where and when to meet, sudden changes of plans, or a quick “Hi, thinking of you” on a day that you’re not seeing each other.
(3) Don’t delay the first live meeting. It’s fine to exchange basic information online, but as soon as you get a sense this might be a good person to meet, follow up on their references and arrange for a meeting. When two people “date online” for months, without arranging to meet, they may feel as if they’re personally relating. Yet often when they finally do meet for the first time, they are disappointed that the other person doesn’t look, sound, or act like the mental picture they’ve developed. And often, the dissonance between that “image” and the reality is too large to overcome – and they are blocked from ever being able to accept the other person.
(4) Don’t use email as a substitute for going on dates. Once you’ve met, email may be a good way to keep in touch when you can’t interact in person, but the way to build a relationship is through live conversation. Skype and video chat are good alternatives when geographic distance precludes seeing each other often, but they cannot replace face-to-face dating. Even something as simple as planning a date should be done on the telephone; firing off a quick text message might be perceived as treating the whole date too flippantly.
(5) Don’t rely exclusively on social networking sites. The web is a good way to get a general idea of whether or not to date someone. But a two-dimensional photo doesn’t capture what a person really looks like, and reading a profile doesn’t give enough information about what they’re really like. Find out information about a potential date the old fashioned way – by talking to people who know them. Otherwise, you might waste a lot of time emailing someone with an appealing Facebook page, but who is far from what you’re looking for. Alternatively, you might pass up a great opportunity.
(6) Don’t break up electronically. Yes, it’s hard telling someone, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think this is going to work out.” But a virtual break-up is much more hurtful to the other party. If you’ve ever been at the receiving end of such a text message or email, you know the feeling.
So while technology has dramatically increased the quantity of information exchange, it has undeniably undermined the quality. It also negatively affects our attention spans, which means those trying to develop a connection may have a hard time sustaining meaningful conversation. They’re accustomed to communicating in short spurts, rather than taking the time to explore a subject in-depth, understand and convey emotions, and engage in a prolonged exchange of thoughts and ideas.
So when it comes to dating, try to get out of that instant-message mindset. It may be a bit “old-fashioned,” but it is essential to building a successful, long-term relationship and marriage.
The Jewish Dating today has taken on the modern dating scenario,and now is getting in on all the on-line serives available. Many new Jewish Dating sites are coming about. If you are religious – try Sawyouatsinai , or if more traditional to secular – Jretromatch. With everyone being so busy today – between social responsibilities – work and just life in general dating has taken a step back. So what way can you use the modern technology and as you are surfing the net – have the potential for “surfing” for a date.
Social Networking is the wave of today and the future - and Jewish Dating become part of it.
You want to meet someone in another city, country what a better way then using the on-line services for this. If you don’t have the time to “surf” on your own having a matchmaker which these site’s do, can make it even easier. So start surfing and have fun oyu can’t find your partner in the traditional way – try on-line dating