Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

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The Jewish Dating today has taken on the modern dating scenario,and now is getting in on all the on-line serives available. Many new Jewish Dating sites are coming about. If you are religious – try Sawyouatsinai , or if more traditional to secular – Jretromatch. With everyone being so busy today – between social responsibilities – work and just life in general dating has taken a step back. So what way can you use the modern technology and as you are surfing the net – have the potential for “surfing” for a date.

Social Networking is the wave of today and the future - and Jewish Dating become part of it.

You want to meet someone in another city, country what a better way then using the on-line services for this. If you don’t have the time to “surf” on your own having a matchmaker which these site’s do, can make it even easier. So start surfing and have fun oyu can’t find your partner in the traditional way – try on-line dating

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It has been some time since my last post – I guess after so many years of writing it is difficult to try to come up with things to speak about in the Jewish Dating world.

SO today I want to just add a few words…I am tired of hearing “I really am committed for a long term relationship to lead to marriage” – then when speaking you give me a list of what you are looking for that are so..unrealistic ..or you admit that you are “picky” =

WAKE-UP you are not getting any younger – marriage is compromise – if you can’t even start a relationship with that then how do you expect to stay committed. No one is perfect – you or your future partner. COMPROMISE

and if you can’t then ask yourself if you really are ready or just think you are …

Jewish Dating is serious – and people do want to meet someone for a committed relationship – so if you can’t compromise or committ then stay away from the serious Jewish Dating site’s

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As a matchmaker I speak to so many people who “say” they really want to meet someone for a committed relationship that could lead to marriage. So lets first look at this.

My interests and what I was looking for: I am active, love to  travel and would love to continue to explore the world with my husband – see new places and meet new people  find out about different cultures. Love to go hiking, skiiing, and be out doors. Enjoy the indoors as well and love to settle down on the couch with a good book – or do crafts. Love family and enjoy spending time with my huge extended family. Love to gather for Shabbat meals, and holidays.

Okay so I meet my future husband, didn’t travel, he was a runner – our taste in music was different, he was not that close with his family, our religious beliefs where similar.

Reality: We made Aliyah, with no family around. Time to travel – welcome to the real world. I am lucky to go away for a few days in Israel and our “Vacations” are returning to see our family. I work from home – and do this throughout the day 7 days a week, as I also have fit in taking kids to appointments, “chuggim” run the errands, cook dinner, reality check – when you are married with kids, and I believe most people do say this is what they want, that becomes your life.

What should you be looking for – someone who will be there for you when the kids are sick and you need to get up in the middle in the night – the diaper changes – someone who is open to helping you out – share the morning routine – getting lunches ready – one cooks dinner – one cleans up – a shoulder to cry on when you are so down and tired -

If you are lucky – you can catch some alone time – but you probably have to schedule it in. Go out for dinner, or a walk together.

So instead of saying what you like and don’t like – how about changing it to the type of person you are looking for. The characteristic of the person. Someone who together you can build a family, a life together.

Yes you still want to do certain things and go places. But lets face it – when you are married your priorities do change. It is time to settle back and realize that – don’t wait around for the “perfect” person. Look for the person that will be caring and supportive.

Jewish Dating is difficult enough, it is time to wake up and face the reality – and if you are serious about marriage, then hopefully you will.

There is help out there. Having a matchmaker work with you to help make you understand and be realistic in your dating can help. Speak with us, and when we offer suggestions, realize it is because we want to see you go to the next stage. Speak to your married friends, and open up to the reality. So if you want the help sign up for Jretromatch or Sawyouatsinai and together we can help you find your future.

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One of the major frustrations with on-line dating – or can it just be dating in general is the follow-up. You see a potential match – and you are really excited and then, the wait. Will they contact you? Or you contact the person and then the wait? Will they return your call?

 Some of the benefits of being on a site is that you have a person (a matchmaker) that you can be in touch with –  can contact them to find out what is going on. If you haven’t heard from the person, if you have questions or even if you have gone out and need the unbiased opinion to help you in the dating process.

 Join Jretromatch or Sawyouatsinai, we may not have all the answers, or it may not be where you will find your match (beshert) but with over 1000 successful matches to date we can do our best to make you one of our success stories

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How a person carries and presents themselves in public can be a way to meet someone? So if you want to meet, how can you attract someone – in Jewish Dating?  If you are confident in your self this will come out when you are in public, and this can attract people towards you. These few steps can help you finding a partner.

Think about who you are – and try to find inner happiness. Get to know who you are and go out there and do the thing you enjoy to doing. Don’t wait around for others try to be more confident in you.

If you are unsure about something – don’t hide away from it – take a deep breath and push yourself to go out there

Don’t rely on other’s to make you happy – if you want to do something go for it. If you wait around and just put yourself behind your desk or at home on your couch this won’t give you the opportunity to meet people.

Try to be with people that make you feel good about yourself and what you do, be positive this will come across when you meet people.

Go out and enjoy the things you like to do – this will also put you with others who enjoy the same things and will give you the opportunity to meet people with similar interests.

 Most important though, is really find out who “you” are, and if you don’t like what you see in the mirror then maybe it is time to make a few changes. Think positive – but also be happy with who you are and where you are in your life. Don’t have unrealistic expectations,

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What to do when the situation is getting desperate.

 You want to meet – but not sure how to – you have been doing the “dating scene” but tired of the bars. Where can you go? Many options exist out there – but you have to take a pro-active role and be serious. You also have to be  realistic as you do not know which option will work for you. From the on-line site’s - to adventure clubs, to casual meeting through friends, or co-worker’s

 Ask around – see how your friends met there partner, you will get many answers. You don’t know where your time or place will be. But go out and meet people – network .

 The problems occur more when you say you want to meet – and then you just sit around – or you go out on the dates – but you can’t make the commitment. Is it that you are always figuring that there could be someone better, smarter, richer, better looking

Open up your criteria – no one is perfect. Look at yourself in the mirror as well – are you?

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It is that time again – we have just spent the last week reflecting at the year we just completed. We look hard at ourselves and ty to ask for forgiveness, but we also look at what we want for the coming year. Jewish Dating is difficult as we know – but another year has gone and where some of you are dating – other’s, well it is time to really consider what you want.

Don’t let another year go by – do what you can to make this year – the year to finding your partner. Join dating sites, like Sawyouatsinai if you are more religious, Jretromatch if a little less, go to Speed-dating – join your local activities – just get out there to meet.

It is time to stop thinking of your ideal match – and just look at the person and see if they can be there for you – support you – love you.

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Jewish Dating On-Line many people are trying it to meet that special someone – as a Matchmaker we hear -”we want to meet someone with this type of personality, or someone who is sensitive, caring considerate. Not “cheap”. Certain personality traits can not be found out by a phone call.  Even though our service – Jretromatch - has at least one benefit over some of the other sites, as we actually speak with our members to get a better “sense” of who they are, we still may not “pick-up” certain character traits that so many people are asking us for.

Were on-line dating may not be the perfect situation for everyone, it can be the first step for introduction. What was blind-dating so many years ago, at least now you have the opportunity to review a brief profile, and photo’s prior to accept a match.

I still find though, that with on-line dating people become more “picky” because they have the profile they can reveiw and decide by just a short few paragraphs if this person is for them. Unless there is really very specific things mentioned – how they want to raise a family, political orientation that may be so different then your own, a specific trait that you don’t get along with – why not accept the potential match. A phone call is the next step, and then you can discuss certain issues that are important to you – and find out if there could be more potential.

In Jewish Dating – I some times believe that the Orthodox community has a better outlook on dating. When you find out that someone has gotten engaged only after 3-10 dates…how could this be, how can someone consider marriage after such a short time, how can someone really know a person after only a few dates, how…

Well, the dating is different, the discussion is values, what you want and see for your future, is this person good, kind, considerate. Yes there may even be checking the people out before they go out to see if there is potential for this match.

The dating is not spending two years ( or more) going out and having fun, dinner dates, social activities, vacations together to see if we can live together”. Take this out of the picture – during this time – you may have fun, travel around, but are you also speaking with each other, and figuring out if you have the same “plans”, expectations of what you want in a marriage?

Dating is difficult, no matter how you go out and search for your partner. But before you actual date, really decide why are you dating. Is it for a casual relationship – to have the fun with someone so you are not on your own? Or is it to meet your future partner? When you really decide why you want to date, then when it come’s to on-line dating or any other method, don’t “kid” yourself, you may actual have met and because you where to “picky” they are no longer available.

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If you are not ready to work hard, trying  everything possible and be committed to dating – then take a step back.

Dating is hard work – Lets look at some of the standard responses to not wanting to go out: Jewish Dating can be even more difficult as you also want to find someone that will be compatible with your religious beliefs.

* not physically attracted to them.

Okay lets look at this – physical attraction. How can you really tell by the photo. I receive emails from so many people how after they have met someone that the person didn’t look anything like there if you are declining a match for this, think again. How many people meet and say they where not physically attracted to each other and over time once seeing how the person was – chemisty and attraction grew and made it work

* personality

Speak to your friends, family and co-workers. Are there partners exactly the personality they wanted. We are all different. Maybe meeting some so totally different, can bring the balance of the relationship together

* Distance

Distance is hard – but if this is the only way to meet someone – isn’t it worth the sacrifices – the financial means – the travel, if you end up together.

* not religious enough/ too religious

I realize this is difficult as some people don’t want a person that is “finding” themselves. But you can open up a little to someone a little more or less. When you are married you end choosing how you want to practice, especially when you have children. This is something that you can also work together and finding your comfort zone. Or if you are flexible and open to someone a little more or less then your self as long as you respect each other within your belief’s.

Bottom line. Dating is hard work – but you have to really work at it. Don’t spend the time if you are not serious. If you are serious then use every option available out there. Dating site’s, single’s events, matchmaking services , speed-dating the list goes on..

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I read so many profile’s being a matchmaker and everyone always speak about what there ideal match should be. But what if your ideal match is not what you think s/he should be?

If I wrote a profile of what I was looking for when I was single it would be something like this…

Energenic, fun, spontaneous woman who loves travel, the outdoors, exploring and going off the beaten track. Enjoys hiking, skiing, and is open to try anything once, except for bungee jumping. Is not really into music, but do enjoy it when I hear it and have to say I am a little bit county and rock and roll…enjoys dancing, dinner’s out, good conversation. Is Modern Orthodox/Conservadox, wears pants and is not planning on covering her hair. Loves Shabbat and the traditions of Judaism. Spending time with family and friends. Have a huge extended family that are very close, and even though we live far apart we all do our best to stay in touch. Loves kids, and hoping to have a few. Sometimes I feels like one , and will do silly things that are unexpected. Enjoys life, and is very independant

Looking for similar, but if not you are willing to, and we can find ways to compromise.  If you are not religious that is fine, as long as you are willing to take on some, if you are divorced/with or without children, hopefully you have secure employment. Career doesn’t matter, but being employed does, with a position for your kids and ours, and together we can work it out. 

Have no set physical expectations as long as when we meet the chemistry can grow. Lets meet and see how it goes.

Okay reality: Found my partner.

He loves to stay at home, has no desire to travel or experience anything new. Keeps in touch with some of his family but with the extended family rarely knows what they are doing. When we met he was between jobs, and no real profession, had just left the police force after 20 years and was going from job to job, security – LOL – NONE.  Relgious: We where pretty much on the same level so that was good. He was divorced with 2 children, and no job. Not into going out, did I mention just likes to be home. Hiking, skiing, travel…in his mind it is a waste of time.

Today: Happily married – we have 2 children – that where adopted ( that is a whole other story), we are close to his children as well – but distance makes it difficult. When I want to do things usually take the kids and we have a great time. He stays at home. Haven’t skiied in 8 years. Travel – we moved to Israel away from family and close friends, so our travel is to visit everyone. I will now attempt to book trips with a stopover so we can get a chance to see another country – or an airport and we can say we where there. Next stop Kiev.

I love to go out, I just say we are going and he will agree – but his preference is a dinner in the house with the kids. Hiking – places to visit around the county – he usually views it from my photo’s.

But we have made it work..oh..religion. We are Shomer Shabbat – don’t eat out in non-kosher restaurants, I have stopped wearing pants, and do cover my hair.

So my suggestion to all of you. Ideal matches – forget it, meet someone who is nice, supportive, who together you can work everything out – compromise and make it work. Otherwise – I guess you will remain single.

If you are open to meet – the try the many on-line dating sites,

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