Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

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It is Rosh Hodesh Sivan – and just days away to Shavout. What is so signicant to this?

After spending 45 days in the desert the Jew’s reached the moutain – Har Sinai. They knew that the wait was over and they became ready to receive the Torah before they could enter the Promised Land. The children of Israel gathered on the foot of the mountain and  received the 10 Commandments.

All the children….it is that time: we are now gathered together and it can also be yours. Welcome to - as everyone  gathered for this kinship – make this Shavout your time and meet at Sinai..

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It is time to get serious. as the years go on – why does it seem that everyone is still so…picky in trying to find a partner. I don’t understand how someone can think they will get – the model look – the very high earner – someone who lives withing 15 km

The model look – lets be honest how many people are the “model” why do you believe by signing up to a site that is what you will get in matches. Being realistic – I doubt it.

The very high earner – we can’t really ask a person what they make for a living – if you feel that, there are other ways of finding the higher earner – join the millionaires club..

Within 15 km – lets be honest – the chances – you have to open up a little..

Oh, and of course those that live in rural area’s – geograhically undesirable – if you haven’t found someone in your own community or close by – how do you think we could – open up the critieria, help us out.

If you are really serious then be more open, and more realistic work with us so you can get suitable matches

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You decided to look at alternative ways to meet someone. Like many others – you searched and found an on-line dating site to set up  your profile – such as Sawyouatsinai if you are religious or Jretromatch for those that are not so.

Now comes your profile – you completed it, added your written part of what you want others to know about you and the type of person you are looking for.

Now the photo’s – suggestion from a Matchmaker -

* make them as natural as you can

* make sure they are recent

* if you feel you are not photogenic - and decide to get some pics professionally done – that is great but don’t take glamour shots go to places that you enjoy to be at -doing activiites that you like.

and one of the most important

* DON’T SHOW PHOTO’S WITH OTHERS – ESPECIALLY NOT ‘WITH SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. -  this does not look good. If they are taken at a family simcha great – then mention in your written part and who you are with. Don’t take photo’s with other;s it will alo be difficult to know who you are.

Just a few more tips for you..please consider

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Today I want to share with you an amazing match – and to show how dating distance does and will work. I met my most recent successful Shidduch. Just 6 months ago they where matched up – and yes they are now engaged. What is so special – they don’t live close to each other – not only do they live in separate cities – but country’s.

She was visiting so we had the chance to meet for coffee ( I too live in Israel)

He lives in Israel – and she in the US. Both were open enough to the possibility. They emailed to start – then SKYPed – I was in touch with him over the first few months and he mentioned how he really thinks this is the right woman for him. He went to the States for the Jewish Holidays. At first, when I noticed that his “dating” status was not showing up – I was really surprised, but then checked my emails and found his – saying they got engaged. After the two weeks he spent with her.

Today – hearing more – he purchased the ring in Israel and brought it with him knowing that this woman will be his partner for life. She also mentioned to me that she knew that this was it.

Dating distance is hard – but it works. Another couple a few months ago – he was living in England – she in the US. He contacted his matchmaker to say how could she match him with the distance – well, just five weeks later he was engaged. After a few phone calls he made the trip – fell in love – she flew to England to meet his family – he went back a few weeks later with the ring

I hear from members in Manhattan that they won’t venture to the burroughs, and only want matches in NYC  others who will only meet 30 miles away. Your chances, could happen….but why not take the risk – open up the search criteria..for these members without this you may continue to be single. Dating site’s do work – on-line site’s can give you the opporunity to meet someone that you never thought you could or would.

Join Jretromatch or Sawyouatsinai - you could be walking down the aisles in just a few short months.

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In the dating world we require a little inovation and plently of patience. To help in this process you can use many of the dating methods that are available to you.

On-line dating has become one of the tools to assist you in the process. With on-line dating to set up a profile on the site ius easy but to make it work for you is the challenge. You have to find a way to “sell yourself” in a few short sentences you have to describle who you are, what you enjoy doing, and what you are hoping for in a partner.

By making the profile to lenghy – the person may overlook some of the most important things that you are trying to say about yourself. In Jewish Dating – working with some of the site’s such as Sawyouatsinai or Jretromatch you also have a matchmaker to assist you.

The matchmaker is ther for you – to help withy your profile – assist in follow-up on matches – and for advise. The matchmaker aslo wants to know what is happening with the match so keep in touch – retrun emails If you are serious about dating this can work for you = if you receive matches and don’t follow up then don’t waste the time of  the person or the matchmaker. Make this prcess wirk fr you, it does work – but you ahve to want it as well

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When we think of dating we try to find someone who has similar values, traits, and a personality that would work together. But we also have to consider that for Jewish Dating, we want to meet a future partner that will also share our history, our passions our heritage. Jewish Dating is important for the continuing of our nation. Our people. Judaism is not just a religion, but a deep culture that goes back thousands of years. When we ask someone who they are, Most Jews will answer Jewish, even before saying an American, Canadian, or anywhere else, even the most secular Jew will acknowledge they are Jewish.

Why is there so much intermarriage within Judaism? Is it because many have no awareness of our heritage? The problem with this is that the situation with Non-Jewish Dating is just not just in the secular world, as many religious Jews find themselves meeting and getting married to Non-Jews as well.  Jewish Dating is becoming more difficult. It also becomes apparent that most interfaith couples don’t usually bring there children up Jewish, or they are brought up with both religion’s giving some mixed messages to the children and what religion are they really following. One side wants a bris, while the other a baptism, what happens when the child is ready for Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Questions will come up, and the difficulties to this are endless.  What about holidays, when there is overlap between Christmas and Hanukah or Easter and Passover, where do you celebrate?

We have to find ways of showing the wonders of our heritage and the meaning of being a Jew to avoid inter-marriage. Jewish Dating is the key. It may mean finding out more about Judaism in order to understand the reasons why we should Jewish Date. If you marry a Non-Jewish woman, and have children, they will not be Jewish, if you give them the option to choose later on, they then have to go through a proper Conversion. Is this what you want? Isn’t it better not to put yourself into the situation, and look to meet and marry a fellow Jew?

Jewish Dating is difficult. But consider the options, if not Jewish Dating, then you have to deal with difficulties that will arise later on, when you are with a Non-Jew. So what can we do?

We have to strive to find ways for Jews to meet? Jewish Dating. Are we looking in the wrong places to meet for Jewish Dating or during our routine daily activities we tend to meet people and find that we have some similar qualities and the more we spend time with them we fall in love? What can we do to decrease inter-marriage? There will probably always be some, but we have to be proactive and creative. The answer to this is finding ways for Jewish Dating to become easier.

Options in Jewish Dating Services today are endless, especially with computer technology. The simple click of a mouse along with basic online searching will find you reaching out to a much larger population and a multitude of Jewish Dating Services at your fingertips. How do you choose a Jewish Dating Service? Research is helpful; speak with friends, family and members of your community. Consider what will be best for you. One Google search will result in numerous Jewish Dating Services, from online Jewish Dating Services, to online dating advice, and organizations that coordinate Jewish Singles events in your community or surrounding areas. Articles, stories, you have it all; with a touch of a button the possibilities are endless

Be creative, but make the decision, Jewish Dating is so important, not only for you, your future spouse, but for your children and the future generations of our nation. The Jewish People.

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In Jewish Dating – or dating in general we all get so worked up for the first date, and are quite nervous. The more you go out the easier it may get. But here are a few tips which can hopefully make it a little easier for you

1. Prepare yourself: Not necessarily of what you will do but first step is to get to know the person a little better. Spend a few times speaking on the phone, emailing, and if it is distance SKPEing. Ask questions that the information will lead to what you want to know about the person. The fact finding, or us some call it especially the first few calls – the airplance conversation, basic information about each other to keep the conversation going.

Once you see that you share the same thoughts on things that are important to you – family, fun, children, and religious outlook decide on a time and date to meet.

2. Place for First Date:  Make it an open area, a place you can sit and have a cup of coffee ( or a drink) light meal, or can walk around. This is not the time to make a impression on how lavish you get get and being creative or how much money you spend. This is finding out if you have enough in common to go out again. Try to make it a place where you know the area, so you won’t get lost. If you are coming from completely different areas you may suggest meeting up at the spot .

3. Dress: Nice but don’t overdue it – men casual – woman if you know there is a chance to be walking wear suitable shoes. If you will be outdoors dress appropriately for the weather.

4. Time:  If you meet and things go well – it would be perfect if you choose the time to beable to be together longer – but also decide what is suitable if things don’t go well. You don’t want to have a whole night of acitivities planned if things don’t go well. With time – make sure you are on time – and if you are late – call the person don’t text. Yes the way of modern technology is to text first – but what impression is this. As well if the phone is in a purse or a pocket the text may not be looked at.

5.  On the actual date: If things are not going well – still be as respectful as possible – try to make the best of it. If the person is not your “look” or personality fine, but still be civil. You never know, the person can be for someone else that you may know. If you met through a on-line site like Sawyouatsinai or Jretromatch they even have a “button” on the match called suggest a match.

6. Ending the Date: End on a good note even if you are not for each other say something nice about each – be positive or don’t say anything at all. If you want to see each other – suggest to get together again and then call – if not don’t say you do but don’t follow-up.

7. Follow-up: If you enjoyed yourself and feel there is enough that you would like to go out again, next day send of an email. Very informal, just saying you enjoyed the time, and meeting you. For the guy -  if you want to pursue the match then call within a few days. Don’t wait too long. Or if you see schedule is busy then at least email and mention this.

Just try to enjoy yourselves -

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Is it really that difficult to meet someone today?

Or is it just that the expectations of the person you want to meet are so high that you will never meet such a person? I am not saying lower those expectations, well maybe I am. Just be realistic. As you get older so do the matches – and it get more difficult as time goes on. Committment? Are you afraid to?

Where ever you go in the world you have opportunity to meet another Jewish person today – so why should it be so difficult to meet your future partner. Sparks – firecraker’s – you will not see this. If you do that is probably more lust – then meeting someone for a lasting relationship that will be long term. How easy is it to meet new friends? May be it is time to look at some of your friends – and see them as a potential partner -

Jewish dating is difficult – but so is finding a new job – changing careers – having children – getting up in the morning – getting throguh the week – or the year – the financial problems – it is just another challenge that you will have to get through – and having someone next to you to help you get through the daily challenges can be very helpful – so don’t be so picky, don’t be trying to find someone that doesn’t exist – be realistic in who you are looking for, so you won’t be alone for long.

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It is now the Jewish New Year. You are probably thinking….great another year has gone and I am still not married. But what real efforts have you made to make this happen? You may have gone out on a few dates, joined an on-line site, maybe networked a little with friends and family. Here is the question though – did you do all this and not really follow through on any of them?

You may be a member of a on-line dating site – are you religious, then Sawyouatsinai, or not so, Jretromatch. But did you really commit to it. When you received your matches – did you review in a timely matter – accept – did you call when the match was approved, how many days later? Or did you not really follow up on it? You may have called – but then not hear back so just decided that they where interested, or just not tried again. Did you let a few weeks go – then emailed them that you where to busy?

Well if this sounds like you – then you are not really taking dating serious. Dating is work – you have to commit to it, work on the relationship, and speak and go out. If you can’t do this – then you may not be ready for marriage either.

Lets make this year – your year – and if you are now sure how maybe speak to someone who can help quide you through the process

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I thought I would share an article I came read recently about “Digital Dating” great tips that I hope will help you.

Six Rules for Digital Dating
Sage advice from’s dating experts.
by Rosie Einhorn, L.C.S.W. and Sherry Zimmerman, J.D., M.Sc.

  • “If he’s in Oregon and I’m in Chicago, can we have our first few dates over Skype before we decide to meet each other in person?”
  • “When someone suggests a woman for me to date, I check her Facebook page before deciding yes or no. What do you think of this?”
  • “I once texted a guy for six hours and felt we had an incredible connection. I never heard from him again. How can I keep this from happening the next time?”
  • “How can I know someone I’m emailing is a safe person to date, or that he’s not married, in prison, or too socially awkward to ever meet?”

Technology has fundamentally altered the way we communicate. We can send messages, update our social network, and share in a world-full of information with one click of a mouse.

But all this comes at a price. Because we’re accustomed to communicating in 140 characters or less, we expect that an “instant” connection will lead to an instant relationship. What happens fast is often superficial, and we are losing the ability to develop a relationship gradually and move it to the next step.

Relationships that are meant to endure don’t instantly materialize. They take time to nurture and develop, and if we don’t have the tools and patience, a relationship that holds genuine promise will likely end up nowhere.

Daters who are serious about developing a meaningful relationship are advised to follow these six rules:

The attention directed toward your date has been shattered.

(1) No digital diversions. When you’re on a date, don’t text or email anyone, or answer a text or chat message. Your Blackberry or smartphone should be turned off and put out of sight. Similarly, keep your cellphone off (no, “silent mode” is insufficient). You may feel the need to be connected and available every moment of the day, but that prevents you from connecting to the person sitting across the table. If you allow these outside distractions to enter your “dating space,” the energy and attention that you’re supposed to be directing exclusively toward your date has been shattered. That’s bound to give a bad first impression – and build resentment at any stage of the relationship.

(2) No over-texting. Texting is a great way to say, “Bus running late. Meet u in 20 min.” It’s not a substitute for spoken communication. If our default communication is texts, tweets and Facebook posts, we might think we know a lot about the person and are growing closer.

This is a false sense of intimacy, because the texts and tweets don’t convey the sender’s tone or mood. We can’t really get to know someone without spending time together – sharing experiences, observing body language, facial expressions, and engaging in a face-to-face exchange of ideas and feelings. These are essential, intangible elements of social interaction. We don’t know if the personal chemistry is in sync, or if we are capable of having a real-time conversation.

Use texting only for short messages about where and when to meet, sudden changes of plans, or a quick “Hi, thinking of you” on a day that you’re not seeing each other.

(3) Don’t delay the first live meeting. It’s fine to exchange basic information online, but as soon as you get a sense this might be a good person to meet, follow up on their references and arrange for a meeting. When two people “date online” for months, without arranging to meet, they may feel as if they’re personally relating. Yet often when they finally do meet for the first time, they are disappointed that the other person doesn’t look, sound, or act like the mental picture they’ve developed. And often, the dissonance between that “image” and the reality is too large to overcome – and they are blocked from ever being able to accept the other person.

(4) Don’t use email as a substitute for going on dates. Once you’ve met, email may be a good way to keep in touch when you can’t interact in person, but the way to build a relationship is through live conversation. Skype and video chat are good alternatives when geographic distance precludes seeing each other often, but they cannot replace face-to-face dating. Even something as simple as planning a date should be done on the telephone; firing off a quick text message might be perceived as treating the whole date too flippantly.

(5) Don’t rely exclusively on social networking sites. The web is a good way to get a general idea of whether or not to date someone. But a two-dimensional photo doesn’t capture what a person really looks like, and reading a profile doesn’t give enough information about what they’re really like. Find out information about a potential date the old fashioned way – by talking to people who know them. Otherwise, you might waste a lot of time emailing someone with an appealing Facebook page, but who is far from what you’re looking for. Alternatively, you might pass up a great opportunity.

(6) Don’t break up electronically. Yes, it’s hard telling someone, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think this is going to work out.” But a virtual break-up is much more hurtful to the other party. If you’ve ever been at the receiving end of such a text message or email, you know the feeling.

So while technology has dramatically increased the quantity of information exchange, it has undeniably undermined the quality. It also negatively affects our attention spans, which means those trying to develop a connection may have a hard time sustaining meaningful conversation. They’re accustomed to communicating in short spurts, rather than taking the time to explore a subject in-depth, understand and convey emotions, and engage in a prolonged exchange of thoughts and ideas.

So when it comes to dating, try to get out of that instant-message mindset. It may be a bit “old-fashioned,” but it is essential to building a successful, long-term relationship and marriage.

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