CAT | Jewish dating
We all hope to meet someone that we can commit to, and eventually lead to a great relationship. But when you are going out you also have to take precautions and be SMART.
I want to mention a few things that you should look out for when dating – to give a warning that this person may have abusive tendencies.
They can begin to be very charming – sweet – and nice, but watch out for the following:
* getting jealous for no reason
* blaming others for their problems
* getting angry very easily
* threatening to hurt you during an argument – or raising a hand/fist
* tries to keep you away from your friends and possibly your family
* putting you down when you are in conversation and trying to control you
* putting you down especially when you are expressing yourself
* cruel to animals or children
If you see any of these signs, take a step back and really look at the relationship, try to discuss it with a friend or someone else you trust. Remember in the long term it is better to find out these things earlier on in the relationship than as things are moving forward and you begin to really “fall” for them. Lets hope you meet someone that will not have any of these tendencies but if you see they do – end the relationship.
I have spoken before how today with technology it is quite easy to have a long distance relationship and still find ways to communicate. I am old school, speak, meet and see if things work out. But today with technology how many people rarely even speak with each other – they begin to text, instant voice message, snap chat, WhatsApp, and many other means of communication.
So why can’t you have the same type of relationship with someone from a distance and take the chance that when you do meet things could work out.
My 19 year old daughter just met someone who she has been “communicating” with for 2 months. They met on Facebook. They started to connect, and spoke – text, sent voice messages and SKYPED. She came home and mentioned how she knows so much about him, his family, and how they got along so well together, this was after one meeting. They knew so much and confided in each other over the past 2 months, that they just had a good feeling and when they actually met and they really connected. I know this doesn’t always happen, I had many long distance relationships years ago – that didn’t work out, but I tried.
Obviously we know that people like to spend time together, meet up for coffee, hang out together, but maybe by meeting with distance you will really consider the relationship and it could move forward quicker than just “dating”.
My 19 year old does not have all the answers, they guy – he is 21 years old, lives 45 minutes away but currently serving in the Army so yes there are even more difficulties to finding time to see other and work on this relationship.
Maybe you should begin to take advise and learn from those that are younger, dating is wonderful and meeting regularly is important, but if you have been dating for years and haven’t found someone close to you in distance, it may not exist, or maybe it is just worth it to open the possibility to someone a little further out of the way. Distance dating can work – it can be more of a challenge, but can also lead to better communication, when you do meet spend quality time together and make it exciting and special
When planning your dates , especially the first one – most men tend to want to go out and impress the woman with a great night/day out. Some great dates can also be free, or cost really little. You don’t have to break the bank to impress the lady.
1. With the nicer weather coming – concerts in the park are enjoyable and can be a great way to spend time together - than take a nice walk around the area where the concert was. Ice cream or a drink is low price way to talk a little as well.
2. If you enjoy more the intellectual or cultural activities, look at the local museum’s for lecture’s. Than enjoy the museum as well. Sometimes this may be a small fee for the lecture but you get museum entrance included.
3. Love video games, head of to the park with a blanket and some munchies – and challenge each other for fun.
4. Check out the street fairs and head on over. Great afternoon activity.
5. Does your city have Botanical Gardens – or just a really nice park – take a nice leisurely stroll, great views and hopefully good conversation.
6. Check out your local guide books and see what is going on in your area, you may be surprised to find out what is going on.
7. A picnic, one of my best dates. Went for a bike ride first along the boardwalk than stopped on the beach and enjoyed dinner out.
8. Wineries in the area – this can be a really reasonable afternoon out – take the tour and you get to sample a few different kinds of wine as well
9. Factory Tours, see how different things are made and usually will receive free gifts at the end as well
10. If you are into doing a little Chessed, chose one of the many organizations that you van volunteer your time, soup kitchens, packing groceries, check out your Jewish Community Guide to see what you can do together to make a difference.
So get out and have some fun, good first dates will lead to others, and hopefully be the beginning of a great relationship.
It was interesting, I was doing a little research for Senior’s starting out again in the dating scene and it was idea’s that I have been recommending to people already. But I will discuss them for this purpose, but they can also be used for anyone who is dating, in the Jewish scene.
Dating has changed dramatically over the years and if you are over 50 or even older, you may not be use to the modern technology that is out there and available to you. Learn how to use the technology to assist you in the process, it is the main tool today for meeting, reaching out, and staying in touch. Dating today is not necessarily going out on a date initially – it could just be meeting or hanging out. Phone calls rarely exist and today it is the “world” of texting, WhatsApp and Messenger.
The dating scene can be really difficult – but if you are open and wanting to meet someone try not to get discouraged. I also try to encourage people to try to have fun with it, find ways to make yourself available to meet others, and speak up on how you would like to meet. Networking is really important.
Try to increase your social circle, look at all options available to meet – dating sites, on and off-line. Go out and do things you enjoy, could be a great place to meet people, doing things that you enjoy. Join the gym, find out about community and social events in your area. If you go to Synagogue reach out to the members and inform them that you are looking to meet someone, get involved in committees.
But most important feel good about yourself, a positive attitude shows when you meet people, be happy and focused, it will take alot of patience, understanding, but in the end if you find the one for you, it will be worth it.
1. If you are not happy in your own life, it may not be time to date – he/she can’t make you happy only you can do that
2. Look at the mirror before you go out on a date, take time to dress, wash and look good. Consider where you are going and plan accordingly. Woman ask him what you will be doing – outdoor activity in the winter will require a different outfit than being indoors
3. The chemistry isn’t there on the first date but you had a good time and enjoyed the company – go out again. Unless awful stick with a 3 day rule
4. Texting is great – for running late, when to meet. But a phone call is the best form of communication. Use it..
5. If you are planning a long intense date – great for the future but not the first or second time out. If you never met go easy, a drink or café is perfect, if you get along can always extend it.
6. We all have our “ideal” – but realistic. That person may not be best, open your eyes and your heart to find someone that could even be not what you hoped for, but it the end it could be
The challenges of dating are even more difficult when you reach your 50’s and over, the “hang-outs” generally don’t cater to the more mature crowd. But you shouldn’t limit yourself to places that you “think” you may meet someone.
First off, think of what you are looking for – is it a serious relationship that would lead to marriage, or just wanting companionship, someone to hang out with and enjoy each other’s company. This could make the difference of requiring someone more local – or if you can meet a little further away.
Don’t be afraid of the technology based ways of dating, many people are not accustomed to computer use, Facebook, and the many on-line dating sites out there. Dating today has taken a whole new turn than years ago. Meeting someone who lives miles away or even in another country is challenging but with SKYPE you are just a “click of a few buttons” away.
Go out and enjoy – don’t stay at home – if you like theatre, concerts or just nice dinner’s by getting out and meeting people you never know who you can meet. Learn to network, inform friends and family that you are looking once again.
But most important – don’t stop doing what you enjoy because you are on your own, continue to live, learn and grow. If you are happy with who you are, as you meet people this will also reflect from your personality.
When I hear people are still looking for there ideal match, I want to ask them so many questions. Do you expect to meet the perfect person? Are we perfect? Everyone has some flaws – how can we go into a relationship without trying to compromise? Marriage is all about compromise, working hard – it is probably the most difficult thing in our lives, or will be – to make a good marriage great.
If you ask most of your friends – will they answer that they have a great marriage – or it can be a little better. I think today with all the modern technology we are loosing our way to communicate – communication of the voice. Speaking to each other, instead of texting – emailing – messaging, it is time to talk and communicate with each other to find out if there is enough mutual similarities to make it work.
Marriage: I know of a couple who spent 57 years arguing – about the big and small things.
Woman: Clean fanatic who would vacuum three times a day, use a sponge in the bathroom sink to clean up after each use, everything in its place. Would teach there children to put away there clothes – but convinced when they left for school went into there rooms to straighten up (as no children had that clean a room). Had a house full of people, during all the holidays, open door policy for friends, relatives and anyone who wanted, including the animals that some how ended up in the house. Managed to do all this as the husband traveled for a living coming home on weekends – and sometimes being gone weeks at a time, when the distance was to great to make it home.
Man: His idea of clean was leaving the newspapers piling up for days, clothes thrown all around. Wasn’t around too much to teach the children – but when he was he was, they had good and bad memories. If he couldn’t handle things or if the kids did anything wrong he tended to yell. Enjoyed the people around the house as much as she did, and had no problem if relatives, friends or animals where around.
Together they brought up children – kept the extended family around, made a home for many. They traveled each summer and winter together with the kids, even if it was getting in a car and traveling for hours to visit family who moved away. Planned a European Vacation for the family which took them 5 years to save for, just so everyone could be together for quality time.
The woman wasn’t too healthy but with all her times in the hospital the man was constantly by her side. As they got older and the health issues got worse for both of them, he was by her side, including cleaning up after her.
This couple, my parents, they may have not had the great marriage, but they had a good one. My mother passed away, and my father cried, for loosing his wife and best friend. They survived the marriage
Marriage is hard work, and if everyone’s expectations while dating are that they are looking for the perfect relationship, I doubt you will find it. Look for someone that will have the personality to stay with you, work through the differences, be there for each other in the good times and bad. Be open with each other, trust one another, that is what will work. Stop looking for the IDEAL – and look for someone who you can and will say Partner for life.
We all know Jewish Dating is getting more difficult – at all ages. We speak about networking – what is the best source? Friends – help each other out – speak to your friends – acquaintances – and network. If they are not for you then maybe you can think of someone that they could be good for.
We can all become the matchmaker’s. What ever way you can try to help others as well – social circles are growing with technology – Facebook – LinkIn – and Twitter, if you have a database of your available friends, relatives co-workers who are single, help them out – check your personal database and see if you can also help to make the connection
Is it: You would think that with Modern Technology dating would become easier – but I believe it has made the situation more difficult.
The life of texting, SMS, Facebook, abbreviations: that unless you are tech savvy some you can’t even understand, we have lost the way to actual communicate. No one talks anymore, pick up a phone and have a regular conversation. You go out – the phones are in the hands, and checking emails, messages, the Facebook page for updates and the nonsense around the world.
This should not be part of dating – put the phones away – sit down – walk around – go out and have fun – enjoy each others company – get to know each other not through the messaging but a real conversation. Watch the mannerisms, look at each other, share things. See if you have similar interests by experiencing them, not by saying you enjoy them through a message. Get close to each other – and really try to find out if it is worth pursing for a potential relationship.
Texting in the beginning state is good for just a few things. When can we meet? I am running late? See you soon? Otherwise speak use words, not the keyboards.