Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

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Some of us out there are very open people and love to share. This goes for both men and women.  A lot of people out there will scare away potential matches just based on what they talked about either in the first phone call or first date. Here I am going to make a list of subjects that in my opinion should NEVER be talked about on the first date/phone call.

1. EXs- This person you are meeting does not know you and does not need to hear all about your ex (spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend). I know that it maybe something on your chest that you want to get off but complaining /whining on a first date is a real turn off. No one wants to hear it.

2. Work problems or any other grievances you have with the world- You are going out on the date to be able to get to know each other and not to hear about each others problems. No one wants to date someone who always complains or has loads of problems. Instead of talking about yourself, ask them a question about them and comment on what they said.

3. Sex- I know I was quite shocked when I heard from some of my members that their match brought up the subject of sex on the first date. Sex is not something that should be brought up on the first date. I know it is an important part of your relationship but trust me it can wait until the relationship starts to develop. 

One of the biggest complaints by both men and women is that either the match never asked them questions and sat silently or only talked about themselves. Remember a conversation entails two people talking and asking each other questions. Have some questions ready if you feel that you might be to nervous to converse easily.

Good Luck!�

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I truly believe that most people out there do not give each match a true chance to see if thinks will work out. You show up to the date and right away you think he/she is not cute enough, not smart enough, and not rich enough.  I don’t know about you but I hated first dates and never truly felt that I can be myself. Unless there was something seriously wrong with this guy I always went out on a second date. By the way a date doesn’t mean a huge 4 hour dinner, movies and dancing. I think the first date should be at a cafe, somewhere where you can sit and talk to get to know each other without the worry of a huge bill. Ok so the first date wasn’t so hot but maybe he/she was nervous or was not having the best day. I truly believe that at least one more date will give you the clarity to see if it is worth continuing to see this person. The second date is usually more comfortable since you have already met once and the conversation usually will roll much more easily.So the next time you go out on your first date, remember to give it one more try. 

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You had a bad marriage, or relationship that you are now afraid of dating. Or, you are meeting people, but feel you have lost your confidence, because of this experience. What should you do?

When you are out on a date, you feel you may not be able to show who you really are. It may be time to speak to someone about this. Don’t be afraid to get help. The longer you take the more difficult it will be, and the dating experiences may just get worse.

Speak with friends for advise, and if that doesn’t work, it may be that you do need to speak to a professional. One phone call may give you the help you need to move on with your life, don’t wait.

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Are you really ready for the world of…I really mean the world. You never know where you will meet your future spouse, you may be traveling, the person next door, fixed up with someone, in a club, a meeting, or wherever. But let yourself go, distance, what is distance when you are trying to meet your spouse. Don’t just limit yourself to a few miles from where you live. Yes it is difficult to date and maintain a relationship far away from that person. But it is done, and for some it is there only way to meet there spouse. So go the distance, you just never know.

Look at the positive, you may just spend some great time seeing communities and cities that you never thought you would, maybe even another country.

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Dating for some people is difficult. We grow up thinking of marriage and children, spending time as a family, and then our later years enjoying our children, and our life, maybe traveling or spending time with our spouses.

But today so many of us are getting married later, we have spent the first years traveling, and now having the children in our 30-40′s makes us realize that are “older age” will be with our teenagers. This is not exactly what our dreams where.

But it is happening more and more. As you get older your expectations of your partner will change as well. What one would have expected for a spouse when they were in there 20′s, well now in your 30-40′s  it may have become a very different person. You have to go with this, you may think that you are like the person you where, but let’s face it as one get’s older so does the body and mind. One can still act young, but it does catch up.

I can speak from experience, so I am not just saying this, I feel very young, but in my late 40′s, and have the young kids still, I don’t have the energy that I use to, I will be a parent of teenagers in my 50′s and marrying off my kids when I am in the 60′s. I have realized this, it is not ideal, but getting married later in years that’s what happens.

Open yourself up, so many men say they won’t date woman in there 40′s because they want kids, men get real woman in there 20-30′s don’t usually want men over 10 years older. If you still want children, so do many woman who are older as well. There are options out there today. Don’t wait around for the “young woman” so you can be a father, you may never have the opportunity then

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Try to be yourself, don’t take on the other person’s interests unless you will enjoy them as well. Would you really jump out of the plane, if you are afraid of heights? Nothing wrong with trying new things and experiences, but if you are not interested be honest with each other. Any new relationship, and long term one, honesty is always best.

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We all have this amazing picture in our mind of meeting that perfect someone, having instant chemistry and falling madly in love right away. Though there are some people out there who say this has happened to them ( trust me they are few and far between), most of us need time to figure out if this person in front of us is someone we want to spend our days with.The problem usually comes when one person shows more interest then the second one. The one who is interested then becomes confused and doesn’t know where things stand. My advice when you get into this sort of situation is first to give things a little time. If you have just gone out maybe one or two dates and haven’t had much contact, it probably just means he/she needs more time to see if their interest will grow. If things haven been a little while and you are not sure where they stand, then it is time to open the communication channels and talk about it. Don’t start telling the person you want to marry them! But do let them know that you are interested in taking things to the next level and being more serious. Express what you would like to see happen next and see their response.  If you are not comfortable talking to them then this is a warning sign in my book since open communication is 100% necessary in a relationship. In my personal experience, conversations of this nature will either make or break things and make it clearer as to where things stand. This is usually the point where you get closer with someone or you realize that they are not for you.In any case, figuring out if someone is interested or not is not always the easiest thing. Lucky for you on Jretromatch you have us matchmakers who can help by talking to them and finding out where they stand.

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You have decided to sign up for one / or more of the many on-line Jewish Dating Services. Great, but please take it seriously. If you are looking for matches, or you have a matchmaker that does it for you, please respond to the match. Respond to the emails, continue to log in regularly, if you are required to review matches that are sent to you, don’t let them time out. Have a look and accept or decline.

It is very frustrating as a matchmaker to have to contact members, even when you are logging in to review your matches. Especially if the other person has already approved the match. It is also very frustrating to have to follow-up with people, when after a mutually approved match, you still don’t contact each other. If your schedule is busy, or you have personal things to take care, you can still make a quick call and let them know.

If you are not serious, then maybe you should reconsider, joining the sites till you are. Consider the other people as well, would you want it done to you?

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I don’t know about you but I always kind of dreaded the first phone call. Sure I was excited to get a chance to meet a new person but I never knew who was going to be on the other line. In general, I truly believe that first phone calls should never be longer then 10 minutes. It should just be used as a way to introduce yourselves and talk about a time to meet for coffee or drinks. There are exceptions of course for people who are long distance and they can’t meet up in a few days. I don’t believe the first phone call should be an interview. Some of us actually are not comfortable on the phone and my not come across so smoothly.What should you talk about? I recommend looking at the person’s profile before calling and find a few points of interest to talk about, like what he/she does for living, where they grew up, or find something that you have in common and briefly talk about that. Also have in mind a few places that you can meet up in for a simple drink/coffee that way when you ask to meet up you will be prepared which will make the plans easier to make.Try to be yourself as much as possible and keep things light. Don’t ever talk about past relationships or any difficulties you are having in your life at that moment. This is not a friend you are talking to and you don’t know each other well enough to share very intimate details.Good luck!  

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You have just finished the date, and know the person is not right for you, what do you do? Do you say something to them at the time? Wait to see if they call again? When they ask if you are interested suggest they call you? Let me know.

I always tried to end on a positive note even if it wasn’t a great date, or wasn’t interested in the person, but always found it difficult on the date, to say no to the next time if asked. I was alot more comfortable saying, “give me a call” and telling them over the phone.

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