CAT | Jewish dating service
Dating gets expensive – and with so many other expensive as well it is not necessary to send so much money on dating. You can be creative, and keep the costs down here are just a few to get you going
Some great reasonably priced activities:
Walk in the park: Every city has some great parks – take a stroll around enjoy the scenery and maybe pack up a picnic lunch and have a nice time
Coffee Shop: Great place to hang out enjoy a hot drink and have a chat – some also have nice outdoor area – if the weather is good for it
Enjoy your city or the surrounding area.: Find a nice area to go and walk around – check out your local sites and/or sounds.
Explore a local market: Walk through and enjoy
Bike ride or run: Depending if you are into fitness go take out the bikes – enjoy a run together.
Local events: Every city especially around the holidays has reasonably priced activities going on check out the local paper..
After a few dates a fun way to get together with another couple or two – board games – can be a great way to really get to know one another and see how the interaction is between your friends.
As we approach Rosh Hashana – we are coming to another year and new beginnings – today I decided to spend some time “helping” those that are looking for their “Beshert” – (Partner). Rabbi Yonason ben Uziel - Rabbi Yonason died unmarried. He had no children and raised no family. What better then a person who went through being single – to know what the frustrations are.
His buriel site is in Amuka – a half hour from my home – people of all ages who are single, or others on behalf of those that are – go to his “Kever” and daven (pray) – I went there for all the single’s I work with – and those that I know. I hope this year brings you your partner, and you should have a year filled with peace, love, health and happiness
It is amazing – I just had my 18th engagement through the site. I also made 1 off site. Jewish Dating as we all know is so difficult – and it is realistic to say we are in a Dating crisis. Limited potential – more men out there then woman, and the modern technology that should be making things easier – in some ways doesn’t.
So many people ask me how do I do it, and I have to admit I am really not sure. I can’t say I am different then any of the other matchmakers on the site, make the match try to follow-up with the member, and see how things go. Maybe it is that I really speak with my members and ask them to be as realistic as possible. I try to follow through with them and mention that they can always contact me if they have questions or concerns.
But in the end I have to admit – it is not ME making the match – I am just the Shaliach for it to happen – the Messenger.
They say to meet your Beshert…..
best translated as your soul mate that G-d has pre-ordained that two souls will meet. It says in the Bible that 40 days before you are born that “the daughter of so and so is destined for this person” This is your, Beshert. A match made in heaven.
Does this mean that we should wait around? If G-d has already chosen our Beshert, then one day that person should just appear. The answer to this is no, just as your Beshert has been chosen for you there is the possibility that with free will involved, you may not actually meet your Beshert.
Finding your Beshert is bringing two souls together. Just as Eve was made from Adam’s ribs, and then they were reunited, so to is the connection for husband and wife, finding your Beshert means bringing your two souls together, and becoming whole once again.
Finding your Beshert. What happens today is so many people want to get a good education, and advanced degree. They are so involved in this that they may have the potential to missing out on finding there Beshert. They spend so much time pursuing what they think will be a good thing then find themselves in there 30′s and 40′s missing out on something. .
Others may decide that to travel and see the world is there way of life. So they spend the time working hard to pay for the extended trips around the world. Not making the time to meet .
Maybe for some it is time to stop and think. What do you really want? Meeting your Beshert? Or the degree, stamps in the passport, or the family that you could go home to at night, that will be there for you. Your Beshert is out there, if you take the time, but we also don’t know if you wait to long your Beshert will go to someone else while you are involved in other things. Sometimes you have to be more open when someone makes a suggestion for you. You may be loosing out on your Beshert as you are not open to dating someone with children from a previous marriage, someone a little older/younger or with characteristics that weren’t exactly that you thought would be your ideal.
You will always hear incredible stories on how people met. Through travels, the boy next door, blind dates, parties. You will not know how you will meet your Beshert. But by sitting around and waiting it will not happen. You must be open minded and really consider when someone discusses a potential match for you.
Are you still looking over your shoulder?
You are at a Jewish singles event and speaking with someone – but still tend to look out to see who else comes in that may be cuter or more attractive and not give the person you are speaking with your full attention – you may not be ready.
If you go out on a date, and you are still thinking of you last relationship – you may not be ready.
If you are out on a date, and that is all you are speaking about is your last date, previous relationships, and comparing one person to the other on your date – you may not be ready.
It is time to stop comparing, thinking that there may be someone out there better, stop looking for the perfect, and instead give someone time, and effort to make it work or at least see if it can – you may not be ready.
So if this is you – stop meeting and looking over your shoulder, take the time you need to get over the last relationship, put yourself in the position that you know you are willing and available to take the time to work on a relationship, because YES it is work, and only then will you be available to let someone into you life.
Why waste your time or anyone else’s. If you are not going to make an effort in dating then DON’T date.
Go out with you friends and hang out at home or work – but if you are not serious why go through the motions.
I am so tired of hearing my members complaining that they called, left a message with a mutually approved match – and the other person has not contacted them back. Why bother going through the motions to pay for a Jewish on-line site, log in, accept matches, matches get approved, and then no follow-up. It is so difficult to actually get couples to agree to go out and meet – then not to. WHY
Everyone is busy in life, no matter the stage you are in, school, careers, life. But if you want a future with a spouse, and family, then the efforts have to be made to actually go out. We all know life is not easy, and with every stage there are challenges – some come easier then others, and other’s have to work harder for some things. Dating is difficult – but if you have an opportunity and you say you are interested then why not take it?
Dating is difficult – let alone Jewish Dating – to find someone that you are not only compatible personality wise but level of “Jewishness” as well. Dating on-line is easy – especially Jretromatch. You have someone looking out for you – sending you a match, if you like the match, accept, if it gets mutually approved you call and meet.
Take the time, an hour of the day to meet for coffee. If you can’t do that then maybe just reconsider – and when you are ready, we will be waiting for you.
I would like to ask people their opinion:
I know many people will meet more the one person at a time, and other’s prefer to only go out and see how one date goes before they go out with someone else. What do you do when you are using a on-line matchmaking site and have a really good potential match, then get a call from your Shadchan that a match that she has been working on – the person is ready to go out and everything has been checked with references and appears to be a good potential match as well?
How do you make the decision of which person to go out with first?
Jretromatch did it again.
Another successful Shidduch (match). With all the frustrations of setting people up, the amount of declines, complaints, and hours spent reviewing emails, seeing the reasons for the declined matches, the mutually approved matches that one person doesn’t follow through on, just to see it closed up a few weeks later….this is the reason all the matchmakers continue to spend the time.
When a match is made – we say Mazel Tov, and are thrilled to be doing what we do.
This isn’t so much dating advise but a story to share with you – I hope you will learn something from it:
When I hear people are still looking for there ideal match, I want to ask them so many questions. Do you expect to meet the perfect person? Are we perfect? Everyone has some flaws – how can we go into a relationship without trying to compromise? Marriage is all about compromise, working hard – it is probably the most difficult thing in our lives, or will be – to make a good marriage great.
If you ask most of your friends – will they answer that they have a great marriage – or it can be a little better. I think today with all the modern technology we are loosing our way to communicate – communication of the voice. Speaking to each other, instead of texting – emailing – messaging, it is time to talk and communicate with each other to find out if there is enough mutual similarities to make it work.
Marriage: I know of a couple who spent 57 years arguing – about the big and small things.
Woman: Clean fanatic who would vacuum three times a day, use a sponge in the bathroom sink to clean up after each use, everything in its place. Taught her children to put away there clothes – but convinced when they left for school went into the rooms to straighten up (as no children had that clean a room). Had a house full of people, during all the holidays, open door policy for friends, relatives and anyone who wanted, including the animals that some how ended up in the house. Managed to do all this as the husband traveled for a living coming home on weekends – and sometimes being gone weeks at a time, when the distance was to great to make it home.
Man: His idea of clean was leaving the newspapers piling up for days, clothes thrown all around. Wasn’t around too much to teach the children – but when he was he was, they had good and bad memories. If he couldn’t handle things or if the kids did anything wrong he tended to yell. Enjoyed the people around the house as much as she did, and had no problem if relatives, friends or animals where around.
Together they brought up children – kept the extended family around, made a home for many. They traveled each summer and winter together with the kids, even if it was getting in a car and traveling for hours to visit family who moved away. Planned a European Vacation for the family which took them 5 years to save for, just so everyone could be together for quality time.
The woman wasn’t too healthy but with all her times in the hospital the man was constantly by her side. As they got older and the health issues got worse for both of them, he was by her side, including cleaning up after her.
This couple, my parents, they may have not had the great marriage, but they had a good one. My mother passed away last week, and my father cried, for loosing his wife and best friend. They survived the marriage and I only hope that I can say one day that my husband and I can do for each other in the end what my parents did for one another.
Marriage is hard work, and if everyone’s expectations while dating are that they are looking for the perfect relationship, I doubt you will find it. Look for someone that will have the personality to stay with you, work through the differences, be there for each other in the good times and bad. Be open with each other, and trust one another, that is what will work.
In memory of Raizel bas Chana B”H (you are missed)
In last week’s parsha, (Torah segment) we read about Kiryat Yam Suf – parting of the Red Sea – and the exodus to freedom. In Bereshit Rabba, Chapter 68:4, it says “To make a good match is as difficult as the parting of the Red Sea.”
If this is the situation why does everyone think that by joining a dating site, networking, going on single’s events or another other initiative that you may do to find your soul mate will be easy.
If the parting of the Red Sea– and the exodus to freedom was difficult why shouldn’t one of the most important decisions be as complicated? Don’t expect a matchmaker on a dating site to have the perfect person for you – it may happen. But is takes every possible connection, networking, and being open to try anything to meet your partner.
As a matchmaker I only hope and pray it will – but the amount of matches I have made over the years through the site and off, which has reached the 1000’s, I have been the messenger for 15 successful one’s. It is so difficult to make a match – so to have 15 successful one’s I am thrilled. So take a moment and realize – we can only do so much we are the messenger if it is meant to be that way. Look at this as your exodus, as the Jews leftEgyptfor the unexpected, but believed enough to go forward, I hope that you will also find what you are looking for.
With internet dating it is typical to be matched up with more then one person at a time. On a regular basis as a matchmaker for Sawyouatsinai and Jretromatch, I hear, please send out more matches, or how many matches can I receive? My answer tends to be – yes we can send out but we also want you to review and seriously consider matches without comparing them. We realize that not all matches will be accepted – but if one appears to be pretty suitable isn’t it worth a phone call?
The difficulty is that when you have the option to have mutliple matches – and to date more then one person at a time – do you really consider the person as a possibility as a partner – or are you thinking that there could always be another match who could be better? One date rarely leads to marriage, but meeting with someone a few times who has mutual interests, similar goals, and if there is potential it could take a little longer to develop into a relationship. Give someone a chance – don’t date too many people at once – one date, fine but if you see that you like someone and there couuld be a possibility then maybe it is best to hold off meeting the others.