Jewish Dating Blog | The inside scoop – Jewish Dating wisdom from the Matchmaker

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The matches are being made, Jewish Dating can now happen. But in order to actually date, you have to look at the match and make your decision. It is not just us making the matches, you have to do a little work yourselves. Accept, call the person, speak on the phone, schedule a meeting. Without attempting to follow through, there is no way you will actually even have a date.

So try, call the person, speak with them. Don’t wait around thinking that everything will just happen. You do have to take some steps yourself to make it work. The matchmaker’s can only do so much.

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Tonight for all Jews Yom kippur starts. Some of us will be fasting and most of us will be using this as a day to reflect on where we are, what we have become and where we are going in our lives.  I also think it is a great time to rethink about our dating lives. What steps have we taken to find someone new, what efforts have we made and what can we do better next year. Also what about rethinking about that long list that we are looking for in a match and maybe starting to realize we need to look beyond some of those. I just heard great news that we had another engagement here on Jretromatch and you know what he almost messed things up by letting her go at first because she wasn’t X,Y or Z. Now there is a happy ending and there can be a happy ending for you as well!

Here’s hoping you find that great match in the new year!

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I recently read something and I thought it would be worth sharing.

What are the 3 things to look for in a Man -

His Cups – His Pockets – His Temper

1. His Cups. What happens when he drinks a little? Does he get mean, or sweet or loving.

2. His Pockets.  Is he stingy or generous, and this has nothing to do if he has or hasn’t have money. Is he willing to help other’s or only spend on himself?

3. His Temper. Does he raise his voice, loose his temper easily, make little comments to you, that are not really appropriate. How does he react in a restaurant when he is brought a meal that is to cold, or not to his satisfaction?

These are all small ways to judge someone. For the men, I am sure you can use the same theory when you meet someone as well.

So keep this in mind when you are dating.

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Think of all the unconventional ways for two people to meet. Some of you may remember the Dating Game on T.V. Three men/woman behind a screen and questions would be asked to them eventually the person on the other side of the screen would choose who they would go out with. More recently Bachelor and Bachelorette on T.V.

This may not be for everyone, but look at all options to meet. How or when you will meet your partner, who know’s , ( if you believe in Bashert – G-d’s will, then that is the only one who does) But either through on-line dating, parties, networking, speed-dating. What ever it is, don’t stop. . 

Continue, and be creative, you never know, it may just be the next person you bump into.

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I am tired of hearing all the excuses. Are you serious? Then take the steps to meet someone. Signing up for an on-line site, or going to single’s event’s are just the baby steps, you need to take action. When you meet someone, you actually have to go out to see if there could be potential.

One phone call is not enough to determine if a person is right for you, take the chance and meet them., you may never know unless you try.

Maybe this year should be the time to consider taking a more positive approach to dating, don’t exclude someone because they may be to tall, too short, not educated enough, too far distance…or whatever the reason you come up with for saying no. Say YES for a change.

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Since the Jewish New Year is almost upon us I thought we should all take time to refresh your photos in your online profiles. We are all one year older so a new picture should reflect how we CURRENTLY look like. We may all have that favorite photo of ourselves from a few years back (or more!!) but it should not be a photo in your profile.

A few rules to follow for pictures for your profile:

1- Try to find clear pictures.

2- You should have both a close up and a full length picture.

3- Try to put up the maximum amount of pictures that you are allowed. It gives a better idea of what you look like.

4- Try to at least put up nice pictures of yourself. I know this may seem obvious to you but I am telling you that at least half of the profiles I encounter have people with pictures that I don’t think should be part of their profile.

5- Ask for advice from either matchmakers or friends for which pictures to upload.

6- Smile!! I really don’t like when people put up pictures where they are not smiling or look like they just had the worse day in their life.

7- Stay away from glamour shots. They do not accurately reflect what you will look like when you meet face to face.

8-Dont put up pictures with other people. If you really have no choice then you should Photoshop the people out of the picture.

9-Dont put up pictures that are too small that when someone opens them they can barley see you.

10-Be yourself! Find pictures that accurately reflect how you look like on a day to day basis.

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With just hours to go before Rosh Hashanah. Religious or not, this time of year everyone begins to reflect on there life, and the upcoming year. We look to see what we can improve on, and maybe ways to help others. We also ask for forgiveness. Maybe we should ask those that we may have hurt during the dating process? Even if you don’t ask them directly you can speak to G-D and ask. If you are a non-believer, then maybe just ask yourself, to forgive for any wrong doings you may have done.

Dating is difficult, and no matter what, some people will get hurt in the process. Let’s go into the New Year, with maybe a better understanding that we will do our best not to hurt eachother, not only with dating, but in our every day life.

Maybe it is also time to ask yourself, are you being realistic in your dating and that type of person you are looking for. Remember no one is perfect, look at some of the compromises that you may be willing to make in a relationship. Let’s have this year, a year of many simcha’s, (celebrations).

Shana Tovah, and may this year we all get what we are looking and asking for.

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I thought I would talk a little about what people should be dressed like on a first date. For some of you it may be obvious but it is not to all of you since I have heard various stories of people showing up on dates not looking their best. I know you want to be yourself and relaxed and don’t want to give someone the wrong impression of you but you need to look good and presentable to at least catch someones eye. Let’s separate the men from the women.

Men:

1- Please please shave before you go on a date! (Unless of course you have a beard which if you do should be in your current picture online!!). There is no bigger turn off when a man shows up with a stubble looking like he just woke up. Also if you need to have a haircut, have one before you go on a date.

2- No jeans and a t-shirt. Unless your first date is playing a game of football, I think men should dress business casual, meaning a nice pair of pants and a button down shirt.

3- No heavy cologne. It is great to smell nice (everyone should shower before meeting!) but don’t over do it.

4- Wear nice shoes. There is nothing worse then when a man shows up looking nice but when you look down at his feet his shoes look like they belong in a dump!

Women

1- Don’t over do the make up. You want to look nice but not like you are trying to enter a beauty pageant.

2- Don’t wear to revealing attire. You don’t want your cleavage to be distracting to not only your date but to all men around you. Also you are sending not necessarily the right message to your match.

3-Wear comfortable shoes. Save the nine inch heals for the wedding next week and stick with a decent pairs of low healed shoes.  

4 – I also thing women should wear business casual clothes. A nice black dress never did any woman wrong.

Just remember to wear nice and comfortable clothing and you should look great!

Nechama

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I was speaking with someone today, and he was telling me his dating stories. It was incredible to think how one person could have been hurt so many times over the years, while dating.

I don’t think anyone purposely goes out to hurt someone during the process of dating. So why do we hear so many nightmare stories of how people were so hurt? Is it so difficult to be nice to someone when ending a relationship? I realize that usually someone will get hurt, but maybe if we try to be a little more sensitive when doing so, it won’t last as long.

On the other side, I spoke to someone who was involved with someone, and things weren’t working out, but the relationship ended by them both speaking it through, and realized together this was for the best for both of them.

Dating is difficult enough, but to be spiteful and hurt others feelings, I don’t think that is anyone’s intention. With Rosh Hashanah just days away, maybe this is one area that you can try to be more sensitive about. Treat others how you yourself would want to be treated. Just try.

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Dating is difficult, but when you only will go out with your ‘ideal’ match the chances will be slim. As a matchmaker on a on-line site, I am tired if hearing some of the same excuses for not accepting the match.

* she /he seems perfect but physically is not for me. Physically, half the time the pictures on the site don’t do a person justice, or they are glamour shots so they are not the real thing. If everything is perfect then accept the match and meet up and see for yourself if there is a physical attraction.

* Education level. Some one could have a great education, but when you meet them they have nothing to say. Other’s who have no formal education, are bright, articulate, and have incredible “street smarts”. Meet them, speak with them. Many people are very happy and one partner has there Doctorate when the other has a Associate degree. Remember as well, having an education doesn’t always mean a better job. Many people have great jobs and are high earners with a high school degree.

* I don’t like pets and they do. Just because some one like’s a pet, doesn’t mean they will choose the pet over you.

* Age. Age is only a number, many people are in there late 40′s-50′s and are more athletic, outgoing then those in there 20′s. You may also meet a man/woman,  young/older, a few years either way is really no big deal.

This are just a few of my ‘pet peeves’ with excuses, there are still more. But enough for one time

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