CAT | Jewish dating service
As an on-line matchmaker, I see so many people declining the matches. Why? You never know who the right person will be. It is better to accept the match and meet up, then never to accept and not know. Photo’s, profile’s – these is not the main thing, how many people can’t articulate themselves on paper and be the best person to be around, or can write so well and when you meet them, have nothing to say.
As long as there is nothing that “turns you off”, why not just say YES.
Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.
You are out on a date, and get into a “heated” discussion on an interest or belief one of you may have. Instead of making this into a debate, or clearly showing how you may not agree in this situation, why not try to turn it into a Discussion. Ask questions, show some interest, even if you don’t agree, but the other person may feel strongly about it.
None of us will have the same opinion about everything, but it shouldn’t be the time to get into how you don’t. Try to turn the situation around, or change the subject. If this is something that you can’t see yourself being part of, or “living with” then you know this person is not for you.
But try to make the best of the situation, and you know it will just mean you won’t hear from each other again.
Are men and woman so different. It use to be the men would not committ to a relationship. They would want to see how many woman they could go out with before they had to settle down. Are woman so different today?
Is the “corporate woman” becoming the same way? Is the busy lifestyle taking over, for time to meet and settle down? Maybe you all have to step back a bit and reconsider what you want for your future? The 60 hour work week, or a family to leave the office for? A family to come home to, a spouse to be by your side for the future, and children to be born and to be part of somethingso special.
Time to think – and look at your life. What is it that you really want?
Conversation is the way that most people will determine if that person is for them, and if they would like to go out again. But some people are amazing, and conversation is not there strong point. You may have to see how they react in certain situations or be with others to see there interaction to know that they are who they are.
See about compatibility, traits that you know the person is strong in, or that you made of heard about. Some people are really terrible “first dates” give them an oppportunity and go out again.
Look for other signs in this person. Speak to others who may know them. Don’t just presume that things won’t work out because you can’t have a flowing conversation, or if you find yourself being the one to initiate the way it goes.
When I speak to someone, they always tell me what they want in a person, I want this look, I want this education level, I want, I want, I want.
What does this say to you, will you be expecting – I want..in your relationship as well. Lets look at this a little. Instead maybe ask yourself, what type of person – who will make you a better person, someone who will work together to build a wonderful home, and family. Someone who is open, honest, and gives to others.
Look for the qualities that will stay forever. A person who is tall, dark, and handsome today, may only keep is height later in years. A woman who is beautiful and thin, after a few children may put on a few pounds, may or may not age well over time.
Look for the lasting qualities, not the superficial ones. Your perfect partner may be the last person you would think would be suitable. So don’t judge someone by there picture, or how they appear to write a profile, give yourself the opportunity to meet or at least to speak with them.
I had a question asked to me recently – what do you do to let someone know that you want to take things slow – and not have a physical relationship.
My answer: This is not something that you have to discuss on the first few dates, if either person brings this up, after a few dates, and you are not ready. Be honest. Never feel like you have to have the relationship go to a physical one until you are ready, or some decide to wait for marriage.
If the person doesn’t want to wait, puts pressure on you, or just can’t respect you for these wishes, they are not right for you. Don’t feel pressured, only you will know when/if you are ready.
You want to try to figure out what you should discuss on the first date. I always say it is a time to get to know each other a little. See if there is enough interest to go out again.
You will probably have an idea of what interests the person has, or what they like to do. Some of the topics of discussion can be around this. If they enjoy movies, speak about them, which films have they seen recently, what did they like/dislike about it. Books, Sports, what ever the interests are.
Another subject to discuss is friend’s. From here you get an idea how loyal a person they are, do they have many friends, and how far back to they go. Do they meet people easily and maintain strong “ties” with these people. Family as well, how close are they. Even if they all live in different cities, or even countries do they keep in touch with one another?
You can learn a lot about each other, just by making small talk. Go ahead, come up with a few questions that you can think of, and start asking. Don’t make it sound like an interview, try to keep it flowing, and respond back, get into the conversation as well.
It’s funny, certain times of the year we see an increase in members. Rosh Hashanah, Passover, during the summer, and of course Valentine’s Day. Why is this?
During the holiday’s I guess that is when you realize you are alone, or another year has gone by and you are still single. Now it is Valentines’s Day, the holiday of love, romance, showing your partner how much you love them.
But why wait, shouldn’t you be looking for the partner at all time’s? Or if you do have someone you are spending time with, why do we need a special day to remind us to show them how much we care?
Everyday should be the holiday. It’s time to realize that if you don’t do something to meet your future partner, next year will come around again, and you will be in the same position as you are today.
Click into the Linc to see Founder of Jretromatch in the News with great dating tips for you