CAT | Jewish dating service
I have spoken before how today with technology it is quite easy to have a long distance relationship and still find ways to communicate. I am old school, speak, meet and see if things work out. But today with technology how many people rarely even speak with each other – they begin to text, instant voice message, snap chat, WhatsApp, and many other means of communication.
So why can’t you have the same type of relationship with someone from a distance and take the chance that when you do meet things could work out.
My 19 year old daughter just met someone who she has been “communicating” with for 2 months. They met on Facebook. They started to connect, and spoke – text, sent voice messages and SKYPED. She came home and mentioned how she knows so much about him, his family, and how they got along so well together, this was after one meeting. They knew so much and confided in each other over the past 2 months, that they just had a good feeling and when they actually met and they really connected. I know this doesn’t always happen, I had many long distance relationships years ago – that didn’t work out, but I tried.
Obviously we know that people like to spend time together, meet up for coffee, hang out together, but maybe by meeting with distance you will really consider the relationship and it could move forward quicker than just “dating”.
My 19 year old does not have all the answers, they guy – he is 21 years old, lives 45 minutes away but currently serving in the Army so yes there are even more difficulties to finding time to see other and work on this relationship.
Maybe you should begin to take advise and learn from those that are younger, dating is wonderful and meeting regularly is important, but if you have been dating for years and haven’t found someone close to you in distance, it may not exist, or maybe it is just worth it to open the possibility to someone a little further out of the way. Distance dating can work – it can be more of a challenge, but can also lead to better communication, when you do meet spend quality time together and make it exciting and special
It was interesting, I was doing a little research for Senior’s starting out again in the dating scene and it was idea’s that I have been recommending to people already. But I will discuss them for this purpose, but they can also be used for anyone who is dating, in the Jewish scene.
Dating has changed dramatically over the years and if you are over 50 or even older, you may not be use to the modern technology that is out there and available to you. Learn how to use the technology to assist you in the process, it is the main tool today for meeting, reaching out, and staying in touch. Dating today is not necessarily going out on a date initially – it could just be meeting or hanging out. Phone calls rarely exist and today it is the “world” of texting, WhatsApp and Messenger.
The dating scene can be really difficult – but if you are open and wanting to meet someone try not to get discouraged. I also try to encourage people to try to have fun with it, find ways to make yourself available to meet others, and speak up on how you would like to meet. Networking is really important.
Try to increase your social circle, look at all options available to meet – dating sites, on and off-line. Go out and do things you enjoy, could be a great place to meet people, doing things that you enjoy. Join the gym, find out about community and social events in your area. If you go to Synagogue reach out to the members and inform them that you are looking to meet someone, get involved in committees.
But most important feel good about yourself, a positive attitude shows when you meet people, be happy and focused, it will take alot of patience, understanding, but in the end if you find the one for you, it will be worth it.
1. If you are not happy in your own life, it may not be time to date – he/she can’t make you happy only you can do that
2. Look at the mirror before you go out on a date, take time to dress, wash and look good. Consider where you are going and plan accordingly. Woman ask him what you will be doing – outdoor activity in the winter will require a different outfit than being indoors
3. The chemistry isn’t there on the first date but you had a good time and enjoyed the company – go out again. Unless awful stick with a 3 day rule
4. Texting is great – for running late, when to meet. But a phone call is the best form of communication. Use it..
5. If you are planning a long intense date – great for the future but not the first or second time out. If you never met go easy, a drink or café is perfect, if you get along can always extend it.
6. We all have our “ideal” – but realistic. That person may not be best, open your eyes and your heart to find someone that could even be not what you hoped for, but it the end it could be
This is a post from Essortment – Your source for knowledge and felt that it was worth sharing.
A long distance relationship takes hard work and commitment to grow and thrive. These tips will help keep your relationship strong even with thousands of miles in between you and your partner.
Tip #2: Communication is key – let the other person know how much you miss them and love them. With thousands of miles in between you and your beloved, it’s easy to become insecure, so try to nip that in the bud. Make the person know how much you care by telling them how much you love and miss them every time you speak.
Tip #3: Be there for the person in good times and bad times. The phrase “I’m only a phone call away” takes on new meaning to those in a long distance relationship. Whereas people in local relationships can see each other to celebrate their successes and reach out for a hug or shoulder to lean on when things do not go so well, people in long distance relationships need to provide that support on the phone. Be able to be reached when you say you will be, then listen and respond accordingly to the news you hear from the other end of the line.
Tip #4: Make the commitment. Long distance relationships are tough, so they definitely need the commitment of both parties in order to make it through the often long days and nights. While it can take a lot of work to make a long distance relationship work, remember that it is worth it because it could be your soul mate that you are talking to each night before you go to sleep.
Tip #5: Send old-fashioned letters and packages through the mail. Everyone loves to see personal mail in the mailbox instead of simply finding bills there day after day. Not only that, but it’s romantic to see the thoughts and emotions of your loved one spelled out in a card or a letter. Snail mail also gives you the opportunity to send care packages filled with your sweetheart’s favorite things, remembrances of you or a special day, or even inside jokes the two of you share. The use of old-fashioned mail gives your relationship a sense of romanticism that often is overlooked – plus, it’s fun!
Tip #6: Uncork the bottle. If something is bothering you, say it. Do not let it build up because it is noticeable on the phone or in notes if you are not 100% happy with something. Not dealing with problems directly always is tough, but in a long distance relationship that depends on honest and open communication, it is imperative to discuss these issues right from the start.
Tip #7: Use technology to your advantage. E-mails, text messages, and the advances in Web cameras really help long distance lovers stay close throughout the long spaces in between visits. E-mails and text messages allow you to send short notes of love and short updates on what you are up to in your hometown while the other person goes on with his/her day. The Web cam is a huge advancement for long distance relationships as it allows for the two of you to have face-to-face conversations as long as both of you have an Internet connection and a camera. Seeing your sweetheart’s facial expressions can often make what would have been a normal old phone conversation turn into an amazing meeting between the two of you. Remember to use these technologies to say “I love you” as often as possible.
Tip #8: Common interests give you topics to discuss. When you live in the same city, it is easy to find things to talk about because you constantly are sharing experiences. When you live apart, those shared experiences are few and far between. Common interests help both of you know that you will have something to chat about each time you get on the phone or see each other in person. If you enjoy hockey, encourage your loved one to watch a game or two with you, then this could be another shared interest for the two of you. If your significant other decides to pick up tennis while you live apart, sign yourself up for some lessons and you may just find yourself to be an ace on the court and off!
Tip #9: Make the other person remember how great you are! Talk about the good things about your life and remind your loved one about how great you are. If you wear your favorite outfit to the office and know that you looked fabulous, tell your significant other about how super you looked in that outfit that both of you like so much; chances are your better half will hear this and smile with memories of how you always look good wearing that outfit. If you do something great, share it – it is easy to share the bad times with your partner, but be sure to include that person in on all the good times, too. This will remind him or her about the wonderful person on the other end of the phone call and make the desire to see you in person even greater.
Tip #10: Plan visits. Nothing can take the place of a visit from your partner who lives far away. Plan the visit, then make sure that person gets all the quality time he/she deserves during that time (for example, do not plan a night out with the girls the night your boyfriend arrives). Be sure to enjoy each other’s company when you are together because this is a major part of what will keep your relationship alive during the weeks, months, or years apart.
Following these tips may not make your long distance relationship perfect, but it should help you make the best of your time apart” “and keep your relationship on solid footing until you two are lucky enough to end up in the same city. Good luck!
If you feel you haven’t moved forward on a relationship in some time – maybe you should look at that relationship and ask yourself why? What was missing and was it something that you could have changed.
Ask yourself a few questions and even write them done. Why would someone want to marry you? What can you give or offer someone to have a relationship with you? How can you do to stay in relationship, remember you can only really change yourself – you can’t change someone else.
By answering these questions and really being serious with what you write down, maybe this can be the first steps to coming closer to a better relationship. Try to understand who you are – and what you are looking for. You have to be serious – and open to compromise, but more so, be realistic. It may mean for you to take a hard look at yourself, before you can move forward.
So many people wonder why they are not getting matched up. Could part of it be their dating profile?
Your profile is going to be what makes you stand out over someone else. Show a side of your personality, who you are and what makes you just a little different then the others. If you are more of the serious type, humorous, enjoy reading the classic novels this can be a way to show the other person what and who you are. Be creative, funny, like adventure say what you have done,
“come explore with me the four corners of the world,
lets take in bike riding in Europe,
hand-gliding over the sea, or swimming with the dolphins”,
Obviously only if this is something that you enjoy doing. Be realistic, if you are the quiet type that likes to stay at home with a good book, don’t say that you love to go out. You want to positive, don’t talk about the baggage or past relationships. Mention what you are hoping to find in a partner, sincere, caring and compassionate, or someone who has some spark - or a little on the “rough around the edges” If you are religious then to what level – and things that you will or won’t compromise on.
You also want your profile to be clear – without typos, or spelling mistakes – if English is not your first language then ask a friend to help you out.
Remember as well: The photo’s you want it to be recent – show a head shot, full body shot and then another one that shows a side to your personality – family oriented, adventurous, sports….
Have fun with it – take your time – and if in doubt have someone review it.
Hope this helps a little
Thought I would share this with you:
A few thoughts on how to better navigate the dating scene.
1. Be Open
At a singles gathering I approached a woman I know and asked if she would go out with a young man standing across the room. I had previously met him and knew him to be considerate, intelligent and a working professional.
As we spoke, her friend walked over and interjected her opinion.
“Him?” she said. “Ugh. I would never let you date him! He is a total TWOT”.
“A TWOT?” I asked. “What’s a TWOT?”
She looked at me and explained. “A TWOT is a Total Waste Of Time”.
They walked away and no introduction was made. Maybe nothing would’ve come out of their meeting, who knows? But I wonder how many dates never happen because of a dismissive remark from a friend, a rolling of the eyes, or a look of contempt. How often does someone share information that does not allow another to accept a date? Just because this person was not right for you does not mean that he or she would not be right for your friend. Your sarcastic remark or casual putdown just ruined it for someone else.
Don’t allow the views of another to prevent you from finding love. Be open to meeting new people even if your friends don’t believe this is the right one for you. Make an effort to break out of the box you have put yourself in. If you keep on dating the same type of personality without success, ask yourself if now is the time to be open to meeting a different sort of individual. Maybe you are stuck with an unrealistic picture of who your soul mate is.
2. Be Positive about Yourself
Torah teaches us “Love others as you love yourself.” Loving yourself is not a selfish love. It means that you are aware of your strengths and you know that you can make a difference in this world. Building strong relationships with another person begins when we have built a solid relationship with ourselves. Don’t be overly harsh on yourself. Focus on your positive traits. Radiate confidence; it’s attractive. If you do not love and feel good about who you are, why would the person you are dating feel differently?
A very attractive career woman came to meet with me about finding her soul mate. She felt that she was doing something wrong in her dating life. As soon as we began our conversation, I noticed that she radiated a sadness and defeatist attitude whenever she spoke about her romantic prospects. It was as if she gave off a message that she did not think she would ever find her bashert. She was carrying years of baggage with her. Without realizing it, she had been broadcasting that she felt awful about her chances of finding true love. Men felt her negative vibes. It was almost as if she was saying, “You won’t want me, just like the rest of them.” By transforming her attitude, she would give herself a positive emotional makeover.
3. Pay Attention to Your Body Language
You’d be surprised at how many of us totally ignore the signals we send out through our body language and actions.
Here are some ideas to think about before you go on your next date.
Show that you are interested. Smile. Maintain eye contact. Don’t fidget with your hair. Turn off your phone and stop checking your texts. Don’t keep scanning the room to see who else is there. You will seem bored and disinterested. Dress up for your date-at least show that you care enough to be well groomed and not wear stained or wrinkled clothing. It’s not about being shallow; it’s about taking care of your teeth, your hair, your shoes, and the way you wish to transmit your persona.
4. Work on Communication Skills
Communicating is not just about talking, it is also about listening.
Some of us know how to tell over a really good story but we forget how to listen. Give the other person a chance to speak and offer their opinions. Watch that you are not constantly interrupting. If you do not agree with a point of view or feel strongly about your own opposing convictions, try not to let the conversation get heated through an acrimonious tone. Watch that you are not coming off as judgmental.
A shy person may find it more difficult to share emotions, but even if you are introverted, you can add to the conversation. Show your personality by sharing an exciting incident that happened to you or ideas that you are passionate about. These are ice breakers and wonderful ways to keep a conversation going. Ask questions-most people enjoy talking about their interests.
You may not feel that this person is for you, but you should attempt to try and get to know the person anyway. Acting as if we just want to go home leaves us with a lost opportunity to gain insight and understanding. We can grow richer from every encounter we have in life. We are taught this lesson so beautifully in Ethics of the Fathers: Ben Azzai used to say, “Do not be scornful of any person and do not be disdainful of anything, for you have no person without his hour and no thing without its place. “
5. Make Time, Make an Effort
You need to make dating a priority in your life. You may feel that you know everyone out there so what’s the point in going to this mixer or that class… but there is a point. Staying home and watching Downton Abbey or your favorite sports team will not help you on your quest for love. Get out of your comfort zone and embrace the moment. You never know who you will meet. Your soul mate may even be a friend of a friend whom you meet that night. Be positive about blind dates; wonderful marriages have been made despite the couple being introduced and not finding each other on their own. Effort means we don’t just try to fit our desire to get married into our busy life.
When we say that we struggle to find the time to date between our packed work, friends and gym schedule, it means that we haven’t made dating and marriage our number one goal.
Though we cannot always determine where life takes us, we can make sure that we try our hardest to navigate the road successfully. Taking a good look at ourselves and making real changes in both attitude and action can help us build a life filled with joy and blessing.
We all know that in order to get married you will have to meet someone and date. The couple actually have to meet, and agree to the match. You should be ready when you date to make a committed relationship work, and decide if you are ready for marriage or if you just want to date casually. If you want the casual relationship – then please don’t agree to go out with someone who is marriage minded and committed.
When you are dating you want to see if the person is compatible, how do you go about this? Choosing a place especially at the beginning to meet and talk to find out if there is enough to move forward. You want to discuss what you re looking for – and what and where you can see yourself in the future. If you find that there are similar goals, and you are both serious this will be the start for building a great beginning. By meeting someone casually and taking years to date, and decide – why, are you really dating to determine if this person is for you – do you wait for months to decide to speak about what you are looking for in a spouse, a partner?
If you start with the basics then you have what to build on the relationship, the ideas of the traditional – religious approach to dating can be used. Meet, talk and go out – don’t spend so many “dates” trying to impress each other – for men taking and spending so much to be creative in a date where you have a great time but don’t even speak to each other. This is something for later on – when you know it is the “right” person – then go and have the fun and together build and enjoy the time together, and most important your future together.
Understanding a little more of how the dating scene works today can also assist us in finding a suitable partner. Some people find that they have a steady group of people and continuously meet others. While there are those that just can’t seem to find the right person.
Some woman could be going a little overboard. In attempting to attract the men they become so obsessed with their appearance, the right outfit, or even the make-up they are wearing that they tend to forget who they are. Best way is to try to be as natural as possible, don’t overdue the make-up or outfit, be who you are.
You also want to keep conversation moving and don’t divulge everything about yourself. You want to keep in interesting that you can have more to speak about the next time. Ask questions from each other so the conversation can flow and you can find out enough about each other to see if there is interest to move forward.
Men don’t feel you have to spend so much on the first date; you don’t have to make such an impression. Staying casual and having a nice, relaxing place to speak is what you should look for. Not with the music blaring that you can’t even hear other. Leave the impressing for later on, if the relationship moves forward. But even then do things that you are interesting in and ask what she likes as well – so you can find things together to enjoy. Being creative doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. If you really can’t afford the extravagant plans don’t show her that, you also have to be realistic with each other.
For both – you want to show who you are, be up front and honest with each other, and be as a natural as possible.