Archive for June 2010
If you are not ready to work hard, trying everything possible and be committed to dating – then take a step back.
Dating is hard work – Lets look at some of the standard responses to not wanting to go out: Jewish Dating can be even more difficult as you also want to find someone that will be compatible with your religious beliefs.
* not physically attracted to them.
Okay lets look at this – physical attraction. How can you really tell by the photo. I receive emails from so many people how after they have met someone that the person didn’t look anything like there photo..so if you are declining a match for this, think again. How many people meet and say they where not physically attracted to each other and over time once seeing how the person was – chemisty and attraction grew and made it work
Speak to your friends, family and co-workers. Are there partners exactly the personality they wanted. We are all different. Maybe meeting some so totally different, can bring the balance of the relationship together
Distance is hard – but if this is the only way to meet someone – isn’t it worth the sacrifices – the financial means – the travel, if you end up together.
* not religious enough/ too religious
I realize this is difficult as some people don’t want a person that is “finding” themselves. But you can open up a little to someone a little more or less. When you are married you end choosing how you want to practice, especially when you have children. This is something that you can also work together and finding your comfort zone. Or if you are flexible and open to someone a little more or less then your self as long as you respect each other within your belief’s.
Bottom line. Dating is hard work – but you have to really work at it. Don’t spend the time if you are not serious. If you are serious then use every option available out there. Dating site’s, single’s events, matchmaking services , speed-dating the list goes on..
I read so many profile’s being a matchmaker and everyone always speak about what there ideal match should be. But what if your ideal match is not what you think s/he should be?
If I wrote a profile of what I was looking for when I was single it would be something like this…
Energenic, fun, spontaneous woman who loves travel, the outdoors, exploring and going off the beaten track. Enjoys hiking, skiing, and is open to try anything once, except for bungee jumping. Is not really into music, but do enjoy it when I hear it and have to say I am a little bit county and rock and roll…enjoys dancing, dinner’s out, good conversation. Is Modern Orthodox/Conservadox, wears pants and is not planning on covering her hair. Loves Shabbat and the traditions of Judaism. Spending time with family and friends. Have a huge extended family that are very close, and even though we live far apart we all do our best to stay in touch. Loves kids, and hoping to have a few. Sometimes I feels like one , and will do silly things that are unexpected. Enjoys life, and is very independant
Looking for similar, but if not you are willing to, and we can find ways to compromise. If you are not religious that is fine, as long as you are willing to take on some, if you are divorced/with or without children, hopefully you have secure employment. Career doesn’t matter, but being employed does, with a position for your kids and ours, and together we can work it out.
Have no set physical expectations as long as when we meet the chemistry can grow. Lets meet and see how it goes.
Okay reality: Found my partner.
He loves to stay at home, has no desire to travel or experience anything new. Keeps in touch with some of his family but with the extended family rarely knows what they are doing. When we met he was between jobs, and no real profession, had just left the police force after 20 years and was going from job to job, security – LOL – NONE. Relgious: We where pretty much on the same level so that was good. He was divorced with 2 children, and no job. Not into going out, did I mention just likes to be home. Hiking, skiing, travel…in his mind it is a waste of time.
Today: Happily married – we have 2 children – that where adopted ( that is a whole other story), we are close to his children as well – but distance makes it difficult. When I want to do things usually take the kids and we have a great time. He stays at home. Haven’t skiied in 8 years. Travel – we moved to Israel away from family and close friends, so our travel is to visit everyone. I will now attempt to book trips with a stopover so we can get a chance to see another country – or an airport and we can say we where there. Next stop Kiev.
I love to go out, I just say we are going and he will agree – but his preference is a dinner in the house with the kids. Hiking – places to visit around the county – he usually views it from my photo’s.
But we have made it work..oh..religion. We are Shomer Shabbat – don’t eat out in non-kosher restaurants, I have stopped wearing pants, and do cover my hair.
So my suggestion to all of you. Ideal matches – forget it, meet someone who is nice, supportive, who together you can work everything out – compromise and make it work. Otherwise – I guess you will remain single.
If you are open to meet – the try the many on-line dating sites,