Another tip for choosing a mate. When you meet someone,  look at them, and ask yourself if this is the person that you would want to raise your children. If the answer if YES, then this is a good start.

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You have met some one, and have been seeing each other for awhile. You must remember, that men and woman are so different, and we will probably never really understand those differences.

When you are dating and even married, those differences sometime’s hurt. The intent is not there, but it does. Comments get said, and how we react to these comments, is very different.  The man will usually take them lightly, brush them aside as you say. While the woman usually, will really get hurt by them. He has no idea or understands how or why this has hurt so much.

You have to understand these differences, each has to become more sensitive to them. I can really understand, as I am one that when my husband says things sometimes to me, in his “joking way” they really hurt. Does he mean it, I know he doesn’t but it doesn’t take away the pain. I just know that deep down, I love him for other qualities he has, and the longer we are together, I guess the “pain” is a little less each time. I have learned to tell him when he says something, and he is learning to say sorry.

So what am I saying, understand the differences in each other. Figure out what you can or cannot live with, but when making the decision try to discuss it. Remember, we can not expect things to change it means you learn to live with it or you you don’t. But by saying you won’t, you probably will be alone.

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I was just in touch with someone and she mentioned to me that she just had a date to a  Museum, and how much fun she had. I remembered back to a few times where I also went to a Museum for a first date.

This is a great place to go, you are walking, and can have a place to have conversation, if nothing to say to each other you can discuss what you are seeing. This can also bring out some similarities that you may have.

My thought, one date I had to the Museum, there was no connection to the person I was with at all, but I made the best of it, I enjoyed the displays, walked through, spoke to him about what we saw, and the date was still enjoyable. Because of the location.

So, first date, plan something that you enjoy, and think they will as well, so if you don’t get along, you still will enjoy the time. ( But of course let’s think positive, of course things will work out). 

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When you are deciding who and what type of person you want to meet, one of the standard comments is, “looking for someone who I can have fun with, be adventurous, outgoing, really enjoy life”

What you are forgetting is, that is for single’s. Once you get married, yes it is important to still have those times, but marriage will also have to be someone who is willing to work, you have to have a real committment to be there for each other, through everything good and bad. The problems with the finances, the kids, establishing a home together, the every day life’s occurances.

When you meet someone, keep this in mind, what type of qualities do they have, inside, not only the physical. Will they be supportive, encouraging, be willing to wrap there arms around when you need a shoulder to cry on. Those are the qualities you will need to look for.

If you think dating is difficult, then be prepared for marriage.

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We have spoken about making lists before. You have yours, now once again look at it. You have probably put down everything that you hope and would dream for. Now think of this.

The person you probably describe is a wonderful individual with the finest qualities and looks. Now truly look at yourself, what will this person see in you? Is this the person, that will bring you together and make the perfect couple. Will this person really make you happy for the years to come, or is this just the ideal.

Make the list, but be realistic in your expectations. Don’t use the list as the only thing, you may hear about a person, that is so off the list, and this could end up being the “one”

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Hi everyone out there, just as you need to take a break in dating sometimes, I guess it was my time to take a break from Blogging. But once again I am back.

Taking breaks -

* sometimes you may just get so frustrated with the idea of dating

 * or your schedule is so busy that you don’t have time

* or you have had a personal crisis and there is just no time

That is fine, take the break, and you just may come back to it, with a little different outlook, more relaxed, and you will enjoy it a little more.

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I would like you to do a little exercise. Take a piece of paper, and fold it in half. Okay, now, on each side write down the 5 things that you are looking for in a partner, and on the other side the 5 things that you will not accept in one.

Now really look at your list, and put it in you back pocket, or even put it away. Still look at the list occassionally, but note the following.

Is the person you want to meet, will they be there for you in tragedy? If you put down certain physical traits, after a few children, and age, will that physical trait still be around, will they still love me in not? If they loose there job, will they be willing to take any type of position, even if it is a “little beneath them” to make a living?

This are just a few examples of things you should ask yourself.

There is a typical “story” when discussing dating. There is one guy who is so attractive and has alot of money, and the other guy who is not so handsome, is working but financially things are pay check to pay check. Which one would you pick?

Well, what happens if you find out the the first one got is money from stealing? The second, is hard working and then through a tradegy in life he will be so supportive and there for you every step of the way. Who will be the better person in the end, well to me the second one, no doubt.

Remember, money isn’t everything, it helps but it doesn’t make a good marriage. Looks, change over time, you won’t have so much free time to head to the gym once you have a family, or after a few children. Don’t necessarily look at the person for there physical traits, yes there has to be attraction, but what will remain through all, is the character of the person, what is inside, that is what you have to look at for, that is what will keep you going through life.

So really look at that list, and decide what is it that is really important in the long run, for you and your family. Now go out and meet someone, and this time, forget about your list.

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Are you playing fair, in Jewish Dating? Do you meet and go out with so many people at the same time? While you are dating one, still go out with others? Or while dating on-line, speak to someone, and enjoy the person, but will close up the match in order to receive others, while still be in touch with that person.

Be fair. Yes it is okay to go out with more then one person at a time, but give that person a chance. I would say the 3 date rule. If it reaches that, then maybe it is time to consider if this person has potential, and give them a chance, and some time. Don’t continue to be looking for someone else.

Maybe that is one of the reasons why you are still single, stop and take the time to get to know the person, before you are rushing off to meet the next one. Dating is serious, by doing this you are not being fair to the person, or yourself. Stop and think before you “move” onto the next.

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You are dating on-line, you meet someone and now spend hours on the phone, emailing and Messenger. You decide it is time to meet.

This is a huge step, and one that may cost either one of you or both, depending on the arangements that you have made with each other, quite a bit of money. A few suggestions for this, to make it easier if things don’t work out. Hopefully you would need to worry and things will be great, but also remember if you are going, the other person may not be able to spend 24 hours a day with you so look for other things to do.

1. Go with the attitute, if things don’t work out, you will have a nice vacation

2. Look to see what things are available in the city that you are traveling to. This way you can do some site-seeing while you are there

3. Both of you discuss ahead of time what options are available, places to stay, how you will get around.

4. Try to stay in an area, that may have restaurants that you can eat in, if you are Shomer Shabbat and Kosher, and going over a weekend, you want to make sure you are in an area where arrangements can be made for you, either in a Hotel, or staying with someone.

Just go with the right attitute, take things slow, and discuss as much as possible, before hand. Be prepared, especially if the distance is far, and it is not a place you can go for a weekend or short period of time. Research a little before going, and network, you may have friend’s or family in the area that you can always call upon

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We have a few problems as matchmakers on an on-line network. It is so difficult to make matches, and we are trying to find someone suitable on the site for you. We are not out to send you matches just for you to receive so many weekly, we want them to be a potential for you. We are trying to go on quality of the match, if you want to have quanitity maybe this site isn’t for you.

So now, we have a match. The suggested time to call is 3 days. We are realisitic, we realize everyone has a busy schedule. But take the time to call. If you don’t hear from the person, then prior to closing, contact the matchmaker and we can email the person to see what is going on. The possibility that they are away, is there.

Then we hear from members, that after they do have contact with a member, days or weeks later, they can’t return the call immediately, so that person, just presumes, and closes it up. Same thing let us know….

Or, we send out matches, and they “time out” as you don’t log in, if this happens and it was because you where away, or busy please let us know, we can re-send the match to you

Let’s all try to work together, I am tired of seeing matches closed for no contact. You ask us to send matches, we do, then there is no response. We as matchmakers can only do so much, it takes both of you to follow-up and actually take the time to phone and meet up with each other.

Let’s make this experience of on-line Jewish Dating / Matchmaking enjoyable for all of us. We are there to help you out, and we are only an email away.

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