I wanted to clarify a point about the matches. As matchmakers we do take pride in trying to make the best fit matches for each member. Sometimes we are more successful then other times.

Lets say you get a match and you are not so sure about it. What are somethings you can do before giving an answer either way.

1) You can always get information about why the matchmaker thought it was a good match. It could be she knows something you don’t which makes her feel it is a great match.

2) You can put the match on hold and take time to think about it.

I think some of you out there feel pressured at times to accept matches that we make thinking we would get insulted if you decline. I assure you this is not the case. I would rather someone decline the match and tell me why they don’t think it is a good idea, then accept it and never call that person. Too many people are accepting matches that they are not willing to give a chance

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This is a big issue for many of us. There are some people out there and I find some men especially divulge to much to early. This is usually the case with people who are divorced and they just start harping about their exs on dates. This is a big no no. I am not saying to be dishonest and not tell the truth but there is some information that does not need to be revealed at the beginning of relationships or ever in my opinion.

Here are some topics to stay away from:

1) Details of how bad your ex was. If it is an ex-wife/husband or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend it doesn’t matter. No one wants to hear how mean, vicious etc.. they were to you. True I understand you want to share what happened to you but save this stuff for when you have truly built a relationship and the sharing will only bring you closer. Still at this point how you say it will count.

2) Details of your past sex life. Big turn off to hear about how many partners you had and what experiences you did. This is not information that ever needs to be revealed unless your partner really wants to know in the future.

3) Messed up family home. You don’t need to go into the details of how your mother’s new husband wont allow your mom to come to visit. Most of us have a bit of a crazy family but you dont need to go into the details of it.

I think you get the point that our baggage needs to be stored away when we date and how and when we speak about it can determine if we match up with someone or not.

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This is a big issue with dating. To tell you the truth at the beginning of my dating career I also thought I could only go out with someone who like me had a post graduate degree. After all what could I have in common with someone who only had a vocational degree or never went to college?

There is truth in the matter that chances are if you are in similar levels of education you might have more chances of having things in common but there are exceptions and in this category I think there are more exceptions then most people think. Taking a quick survey of people I know, almost half are married to men who either do not have a full college degree or have a vocational degree. Each of these women, myself included, are highly educated with at least a master’s degree and from very respectable universities. All of us have one thing in common, we were able to overlook our husband’s degree and see them for who they really are. I am not saying that someone who comes from the little town in the middle of nowhere who never traveled and doesn’t have much life experience would be a good match for someone who grew up in NYC but sometimes you need to look beyond that little paper.

There are some circumstances out there and types of people who don’t fit the college mold. Take a very creative and artistic person. I have a wonderful friend like this who tortured herself tremendously try to go to university and fit her art into a box. It was hard for her and it took all her might to succeed but not everyone like her chooses to stick with it. Trust me she is a very smart woman. Also there are people who have family businesses and have been running them with their family since they were kids. They have so much real world experience that college becomes almost obsolete. There are also the people who are extremely intelligent but have a lot of problems with college. They are usually not straight thinkers but very creative and intuitive.

The point I am trying to get to is that education level does not automatically mean this person is a match for you or is intelligent. Try not to always dismiss matches sent with lower education levels and ask us matchmakers why we think it is such a great match.

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The matches are being made, Jewish Dating can now happen. But in order to actually date, you have to look at the match and make your decision. It is not just us making the matches, you have to do a little work yourselves. Accept, call the person, speak on the phone, schedule a meeting. Without attempting to follow through, there is no way you will actually even have a date.

So try, call the person, speak with them. Don’t wait around thinking that everything will just happen. You do have to take some steps yourself to make it work. The matchmaker’s can only do so much.

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Tonight for all Jews Yom kippur starts. Some of us will be fasting and most of us will be using this as a day to reflect on where we are, what we have become and where we are going in our lives.  I also think it is a great time to rethink about our dating lives. What steps have we taken to find someone new, what efforts have we made and what can we do better next year. Also what about rethinking about that long list that we are looking for in a match and maybe starting to realize we need to look beyond some of those. I just heard great news that we had another engagement here on Jretromatch and you know what he almost messed things up by letting her go at first because she wasn’t X,Y or Z. Now there is a happy ending and there can be a happy ending for you as well!

Here’s hoping you find that great match in the new year!

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I recently read something and I thought it would be worth sharing.

What are the 3 things to look for in a Man -

His Cups – His Pockets – His Temper

1. His Cups. What happens when he drinks a little? Does he get mean, or sweet or loving.

2. His Pockets.  Is he stingy or generous, and this has nothing to do if he has or hasn’t have money. Is he willing to help other’s or only spend on himself?

3. His Temper. Does he raise his voice, loose his temper easily, make little comments to you, that are not really appropriate. How does he react in a restaurant when he is brought a meal that is to cold, or not to his satisfaction?

These are all small ways to judge someone. For the men, I am sure you can use the same theory when you meet someone as well.

So keep this in mind when you are dating.

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Think of all the unconventional ways for two people to meet. Some of you may remember the Dating Game on T.V. Three men/woman behind a screen and questions would be asked to them eventually the person on the other side of the screen would choose who they would go out with. More recently Bachelor and Bachelorette on T.V.

This may not be for everyone, but look at all options to meet. How or when you will meet your partner, who know’s , ( if you believe in Bashert – G-d’s will, then that is the only one who does) But either through on-line dating, parties, networking, speed-dating. What ever it is, don’t stop. . 

Continue, and be creative, you never know, it may just be the next person you bump into.

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I am tired of hearing all the excuses. Are you serious? Then take the steps to meet someone. Signing up for an on-line site, or going to single’s event’s are just the baby steps, you need to take action. When you meet someone, you actually have to go out to see if there could be potential.

One phone call is not enough to determine if a person is right for you, take the chance and meet them., you may never know unless you try.

Maybe this year should be the time to consider taking a more positive approach to dating, don’t exclude someone because they may be to tall, too short, not educated enough, too far distance…or whatever the reason you come up with for saying no. Say YES for a change.

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I hope you have all had a great holiday with loads of yummy food and great company. Now is the time when most of us start to think about really finally finding our match and taking things seriously. Dating is a two way street and it takes both people to make the effort to get things going.

As of lately I have heard a lot of people complaining and being frustrated with just not being able to reach the people they are matched with. They try calling them a few times, leaving messages with no luck and no return phone call. OK ladies and gents, what is going on here!! You say you want to find someone and when a nice person finally does show the interest you procrastinate in calling back. Here on Jretromatch, with the uniqueness of the matchmakers acting as a go between I really feel we can help with some of this frustration. Here is my suggestion as to what to do:

1- Call the potential match twice in a span of a week with a few days between each call. Leave a clear message with your name and number, saying which site you are calling from and asking them to return your call. You got to be specific since someone might think that you are going to call back again.

2- Let us matchmakers know when you can’t reach someone within a week of being matched up. We will then approach the other side and see what is going on.

I hope with the help the matchmakers we can reduce some of the frustration that comes with online dating.

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Since the Jewish New Year is almost upon us I thought we should all take time to refresh your photos in your online profiles. We are all one year older so a new picture should reflect how we CURRENTLY look like. We may all have that favorite photo of ourselves from a few years back (or more!!) but it should not be a photo in your profile.

A few rules to follow for pictures for your profile:

1- Try to find clear pictures.

2- You should have both a close up and a full length picture.

3- Try to put up the maximum amount of pictures that you are allowed. It gives a better idea of what you look like.

4- Try to at least put up nice pictures of yourself. I know this may seem obvious to you but I am telling you that at least half of the profiles I encounter have people with pictures that I don’t think should be part of their profile.

5- Ask for advice from either matchmakers or friends for which pictures to upload.

6- Smile!! I really don’t like when people put up pictures where they are not smiling or look like they just had the worse day in their life.

7- Stay away from glamour shots. They do not accurately reflect what you will look like when you meet face to face.

8-Dont put up pictures with other people. If you really have no choice then you should Photoshop the people out of the picture.

9-Dont put up pictures that are too small that when someone opens them they can barley see you.

10-Be yourself! Find pictures that accurately reflect how you look like on a day to day basis.

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